For People in the Military and others.?

Question

I have this girlfriend that for some strange reason she feels that men in the Military are all women beaters. She was telling me that as soon as my better half came home from ranger school that I would slowly but surely see how controlling he had become. She said their mind set is trained only the kill and beat people, and by him having that training that he will start to beat on me. Now please tell me what do you think about this statement?

Answer 1

I'm sorry, I have to laugh at how absurd that comment is. She's obviously not a girlfriend or she wouldn't say stupid things like that. She sounds jealous or had a relationship that went bad and instead of taking responsibility for it, blames it on the military.

I've been married to a soldier for 18 years. They're not all wife/girlfriend beaters. They're good men that believe in serving their country. Yes, they're trained to kill, but not the way she means. Some of them are downright teddy bears at home. There's no way there'd be so many successful marriages in the military if they were all that way. Honestly, some of them have no control at home. The men have to deploy or go TDY or whatever and that leaves the woman of the house in charge. She has to pay the bills and keep things functioning.

If I were you, I'd forget she said it and give your Scout a chance to prove her wrong. She's no friend and you should find someone else who is.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

That is too bad that she thinks that way. Yes, they are trained to do a mission, whatever that involves. There will be a change when he comes back. But that doesn't mean it will be a change for the worse. And not every person that goes into the military are wife beaters. Some of the best people you will ever meet will have served in the military at some time in their life and have never raised a hand to their spouse.

Answer 3

Army wife for 6 1/2 years here. I have known directly of ONE man in that 6 years who was a wife-beater. The only special training he'd received was sniper school, but he was well on his way to being a psychotic before he went. If a man is inclined to beating women, he's going to do it regardless of training. Just because he's been trained fight -something that starts in BCT- doesn't mean he'll practice on his women.

There was even a guy in my husband's platoon that was beaten by his (rather large and scary) wife. The army certainly didn't train him to be a pussy, but she messed him up just the same.

It's true that when they return from a deployment, and sometimes even a particularly stressful school, they can seem twitchy. That's just because they've been pushed to their limits for such a period of time that they need to learn how to relax again. They do calm down. My husband was a wreck when he came home from his last deployment, I was never afraid of him.

It's also true that if he does hit you, you have one person to call--anyone in his command will get him at least put up in the barracks for a while until things cool down to be worked out (how they handle it varies with each command), or you can contact the MP's from the start, and then he's toast.

If your man wasn't the type of guy to knock you around before school, chances are very, very good that he'll be just fine after school. As for your friend, tell her to shove it up her blow hole and stick to things that concern her.

Answer 4

I understand that mentality... Over a year ago when I started dating a soldier - I was warned by everyone to watch out. I heard every possible scenario from he'll cheat on me to beat me... and practically everything in between!

I thought a long time about it... and decided to go for it anyway!

I am currently in a relationship with a soldier of 14 years. He is the most wonderful man I could imagine... the man of my dreams you could say! He does NOT treat me in any way that would make me feel less of a person. He is able to seperate the job from his personal life... and does a great job at it.

Therefore, my advice would have to be: the profession does NOT make the man... You have to decide what you want and if this soldier is for you or not! Don't let other people share stereotypes that will cause you NOT to have a wonderful life!

Answer 5

Another stereotype. Men in the Military are no more prone to beat their wives than any other man. Your friend doesn't know what she is talking about. I am a female vet. I served 2 tours of duty in So. Korea, and served 2 years in Georgia. I know lots of people who are still in the military. None of them abuse their wives. Just because some one is trained with weapons doesn't make him a wife beater that is completely absurd.

Answer 6

Unfortunately men have been beating their wives girl fiend and even their mothers since the beginning of time. There is no academic or scientific evidence that it is any greater in the military than in the civilian world.

In fact, Rangers typically have more control than the average soldier (in my military experience) as their advanced training involves control, restraint and decision making skills that would retard abusive action toward those who are not deserving....the enemy.

I served as a commissioned officer in the army commanding men in the combat arms (artillery) and dealt with troops that did abuse their wives. The punishment was swift and decisive when the wife pressed charges. Years later I discovered that an officer, I friend I served with beat his wife; and he was a West Point graduate. Again, it happens in all walks of life but I don't support your friend's contention that when your husband returns from Ft. Benning he will begin to beat you. The military does not teach that to its soldier.

Answer 7

i work in a jail and out of all the domestic abusers i see very rarely are they prior service. i am also in the military i have been in for 9 years. there are some bad soliders, but the most are not. when they say they are controlling, that is ignorance on civilians part. military are in a mind set to get things done, and as soon as possible. they don't want to mess around they just want it done. if he is an SGT or higher, then they are used to leading so they may come off as aggressive, but they aren't. they just want things done. if you are worried about it, then you need to talk to him, but atleast see how it goes. just because he is in the military doesn't make him a wife beater.

Answer 8

More crap from someone who has never seen anyone in the military except on tv. I have gone through all the military training, several wars and have been married for 21 years without ever hitting my wife. I am not saying in rare cases it doesn't happen, but it is not the normal, if anything it usually gives the soldier the patience and tools on how to deal with situations without violence.
The training is on how to survive in a war situation and not on just how to kill and beat people.

Answer 9

Tell her that if I were anywhere close to her that I'd kick her ***.

I guess I can since I'm not a man in the military.

Explain there probably are some - but that they get into much more trouble than civilian counterparts. Ask her if all men are wife beaters. When she says "no", tell her that it's probably less than the amount in civilian life.

I had a neighbor get kicked out - cause I witnessed one such attack and called the MP's.

Answer 10

As an active duty soldier who graduated Ranger school about 8 years ago (when it was still pure), I can tell you that she is speaking way out of context. First of all, Ranger school does not teach one to be a "cold-hearted killer" like many think. All the school does is specialize soldiers in small unit tactics.

So will one feel compelled to act violently after graduation? Not unless they were that way before. Will there be an adjustment period? Of course, school was tough. He most likely lost a lot of weight, and had very little sleep (especially if his phases were close to each other). So he is going to be a little irritable.

I will give the same advice I do from those who return from combat. Give them room, dont force yourself upon him. He will let you know what he wants and needs.

If he hasnt beaten you before, and you dont irritate the crap out of him; then I think it would be safe to assume he will be the same husband that left for school.