Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.
2006-09-25 13:32:18 · 24 answers · asked by Woody 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I was hoping that everybody would remember that this is the Joke section, and not an advice column.
I wouldn't give this advice to a dog.
2006-09-26 16:28:14 · update #1
LOL. Luckily for you, you are dodging words! LOL.
Thus far I have learned this about you through the responses:
You are an illiterate pervert and a jackass.
You suck.
You are underendowed and pathetic.
You are a jerk and a Toe Sucker.
You need to go die in a hole, get sex therapy, and get a fricking life.
There is the woody smell of watermelon roasting here. LOL.
R-U-N!!!!
2006-09-26 02:54:02 · answer #1 · answered by jfmm 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
The female IS as you say the more emotionally driven one, but men are the more physical and prideful ones. They will respond to the libido more than the heart, and if a guy's friend says "YOU'VE NEVER HAD SEX?" the guy will restore his pride without a second thought. The woman knows when she's ready. After all you know the boyfriends of those 12 year old victims of date-rape thought the girl was ready.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
If a woman gives in on a first date its likely she wont see the guy again, which, then is not a date, but a one night stand.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
Men just want there penis squeezed. Mouth, hand, vagina- they really don't care, and if you blindfolded them probably wouldn't know the difference. Lets see a man's ideal sex- having his girlfriend do the work while he enjoys and watches sports.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
Woman can take up to an hour to reach a full orgasm, and with men it can be done within 3 minutes. Finding an even ground is key.
Q: What is "afterplay"?
Afterplay to a man is being worshipped, afterplay to a woman is romanticism and pilow talk. Women are NOT slaves and should stick that damn ciggarette in her sexist boyfriends eye.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
OH!!! OH!!! So is your answer based of your own manhood or were the studies down on steroid junkies? The average erect penis is 5.5 inches (scientific studies on men ages 21-37). Soft, yes the penis is about 3 inches, but not erect. A woman's cervix depth is 6 inches, and while legs are closed, the vaginal opening (not yet vagina) is an average 2 inches, meaning if you have a 3 inch willy you'll only be able to give her an inch of pleasure unless she's spread eagle. And even then you'll only be able to get in half-way. TIP: If your penis can be completely covered while masturbating, your girlfriend asks 'is it in yet' you fall out, or can have a ***** without anyone noticing- your too small.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
His answer is completely true... for any of his sex partners. Female's do orgasm alot though ( successive mini-orgasms can occur up to every three minutes a full blown climax usually occurs after 10- 20 of these), and badly if the man has the stamina to make her reach it. Obviously this guy needs some sex therapy or something.
Your kind of pathetic, having a three inch penis and trying to make everyone believe its normal while trying to make them into your sex slaves. OD on female hormones to get a soul, and take a handful of viagra, oh, and yeah, GET A FRICKING LIFE! By the way, though the question seems serious, you placed it in the right category- your category- you know the joke.
2006-09-25 20:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by sondra j 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no i think you are a pervert !!! women should not have to by men expensive gifts....and how do ypu know there is no female orgasm?? and sex is not all up to the man, girls have as much say as we do!!! come on shovenist!! really who do you think you are sex is suposed to be treasured not given up on a first date!!! your such a jackassss
P E R V E R T
go die in a hole
2006-09-25 20:38:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes dear women have org. it s not a myth. size does count if you are under 6". After play is fun but not necessary if it s good ti begin with. men should climax after the lady.
2006-09-25 20:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by Susan N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL YOU LITTLE HORNY TOAD!! ALL IN GOOD PHUN EEH??
BUT I SHOULD SAY, IF THY MAN PLEASES ME IN SUCH A WAY THAT I AM RENDERED SPEECHLESS, HAVE MULTIPLE ORGANISMS, AND DOWN RIGHT HOT, I WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM FULFILLING ALL OF THE ABOVE.
BUT ALAS , ONLY IN MY DREAMS IS SUCH A MAN.
AND ONLY IS A MAN'S DREAM IS SUCH A WOMAN!
LOOKING FORWARD TO READING MORE, KEEP THEM COMING!
2006-09-26 22:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by halieysmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q. should all men respect women
A.: yes becuz its the right thing to do... and how else would guys get some?
yeah that was terrible.... but seriously yours was worse
i dont find that interesting and im a straight guy
you toe sucker!!!!
2006-09-25 21:24:29 · answer #6 · answered by blindedbullet 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You forgot to explain why brides should wear white. It's good to have the dishwasher match the stove and refrigerator...
2006-09-25 20:43:42 · answer #7 · answered by Hauntedfox 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope!!!
Sounds like every mans dream to have girls/women believe....in order to get laid.
But I do hope you're joking.
Although, if this is a spoof Q&A its VERY ammusing :)
Tree~
2006-09-25 20:38:29 · answer #8 · answered by Tree S. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent advice.
2006-09-25 20:36:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okayy.. i have no comment what so ever... this is so like. i don't knoww what to say.. not true.. and who has sex on their first date except for losers(sorry)
2006-09-25 20:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by smoothie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋