what do you do if your on benefits because of mental health problems and society places alot of value on?

Question

materialism and you dont have much? and i live in a small flat, feeling trapped, in this rough area, wanting to be in nice surroundings with nice things, and all i hear about is hi def this, hi def that? im 29 male and am constantley worrying about my future...i struggle to have relashionships with people, and get really annoyed with them because i miss percieve or miss understand, i phoned my mum tonight whos 56 to say goodnight, and to ask for reassurance that im worthy of relashionships, its 12:00am here and she was tired, she lives in a small flat too, ive recentley fallen out with a internet friend whos been very kind and good to me, and my mum got uptight and cut short the conversation and said, ' if your not carefull your gonna turn people against you' and then she said im goin to bed. this has got me very depressed and low and worrying about my future

Answer 1

have to tried going to a "Mind" drop in group, they are very supportive?
http://www.mind.org.uk/About+Mind/Mindinfoline.htm

Answer 2

I was on anti-depressents for a few years with the same thoughts about materialistic stuff but then I had a cancer scare once I got the all clear from that I thought what the hell am I worrying about things that are made everyday when Ive got my health. Money comes in one hand and out the other but soon comes back in again so no point in worrying about that. As for the material things instead of worrying about what you got take a look at what some of your friends have got you'd probably be surprised to find they got less or about the same and those with more well hey they're your friend right so they obviously not bothered about what you got. And those that do comment on your living/materialistic situation in a negative manner, well you don't need them around you. Persevere life will get better once you allow it to.

Answer 3

You know you could feel trapped if you lived in a palace.

I think it is all to do with how we are feeling about ourselves. If you were happy in your outlook you would see your home in a better light. You will be better a lot sooner if you try to look at things in a different way.

You know I read something about diets on the net somewhere and one piece of advice given was to visualise the shape of body you would like to have and they went on to give a relaxation exercise where you should lie down and breath deeply in through the nose, hold for a bit, and breath out again through the nose. this to be done about three times and all the while to think of yourself as you would like to be and to see yourself doing the things you would like to be doing and seeing yourself being admired by the people you would like to be admired by. They said our subconscious mind would start to actually creat the image we wanted. They said that the subconscious was really strong.

The reason I am telling you this is, if the subconscious can actually help to shape the body as they say, then perhaps if you think about happy things and see yourself better, and enjoying working in a good job, then change might happen a lot quicker than if you don't. It cannot do you any harm to try and would be a lot better than looking on the bad side of life all the time, and being miserable because of it.

Stop worrying about your future start thinking about getting better and getting a job and finding a new place to live. You can do it, many people do. You are only 29. Give yourself a push. Eat well, drink a glass of water every hour, take vitamin C and vitamin Bcomplex every day and you will soon feel better able to cope.

Don't struggle to form relationships...if they happen, they happen. If not....so what. Don't be so edgie. It will put people off.

Your mum probably didn't know what to say to you to make you feel better, and she probably was really tired. You know mums want the best for the children, no matter what age they are, and your mum is probably worried about you. Show her that you are starting afresh tomorrow and she will be delighted. Go on, give it a go. The sooner you start to think in a different way the sooner you will feel better and the sooner things will change for you. Thinking the way you are at the moment will only cause you to lose confidence in your ability to succeed.

I gave you some time here, which I happen to believe is the greatest gift one can give, as it is part of one's life which can never be recovered. The very least you can do in return is to try and think positive and turn yourself around. I know you can do it or I wouldn't have wasted my time here. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Every individual is important and worthy of a relationships regardless of wealth or health. I know many people who have plently of wealth but have lost touch with the spiritual side of life and are dead miserable despite 'having it all'. Can you attend a class or something that will increase your skill base and in turn raise your self esteem. If you start feeling good about yourself others will be drawn to you. I think you should phone your mum a little earlier as 12 midnight isn't always a good idea to be phoning people. Have you got any mental health drop in centre's near by where you can recieve some counselling and a proper assessment of how you are feeling. If not see your GP and ask to be referred to someone. Make today a new beginning

Answer 5

Stay "here and now", don't intellectualize. Phrases like "society places a lot of value on materialism" makes the issues of YOUR life remote and unapproachable.

Look for some small thing you can do completely and do it. Build on your successes.

Ask your mum how she's doing and choose not to speak of your own life. You and she know what you'd like to talk about, but you can develop a discipline of self-control even so, and self-control is a key element of self-worth.

Begin to reduce your demand for others' understanding. Act as if ye had faith, and faith will be given to you.

Make a list of the ten most difficult things you have to do. Winnow it down to 3 and simply pick one. Do it, no matter how hard it is.

Your self-worth is exactly that: Yours. No one can give it to you and when you find - or more exactly, create - it, no one can take it from you.

Picture yourself in a relationship you value. In two or three scenes of the picture, how are you behaving that differs from the way you currently behave. Isolate one behavior and make that change.

Don't expect yourself or your friends or your wished-for friends to believe any one-day change is real and lasting. Make the changes you can live with and act on, and act on them for your own satisfaction. Small steps are best and longest lasting.

Day at a time, with small, occasionally difficult steps, successes built on successes - even small ones, a measure of self-discipline - even just for the experience of it, conscious effort, envisioning/picturing and faith.

Which of these elements goes first? It doesn't matter. Begin.

Answer 6

When you have noone else to turn to you can do one of three things 1. Answer questions that you know the answers to on this website until you get everything off your mind. 2. Write down your feelings, so that later when your mom or a friend will listen can read and understand how you are feeling. 3. Meditate: tell yourself you are some where else, somewhere that noone can hurt you, some where you have always wanted to be. Tell yourself that those who do nothing but like to bring you down are nothing to you. They don't even exist!

Answer 7

Have you been diagnosed? Do you have BPD, out of interest?

Do you think that you could handle a part time job - just maybe 10-4 during the weekends?

don't set aims for yourself, like living in a nice place. If you don't get there, you'll be disappointed. Instead, try to take little steps - try to hold down a relationship, try to get the appropriate help - take baby steps, if you can.

x

Answer 8

Live today like you're not going to wake up tomorrow, it's quite possible you won't. Don't worry about the future, it will take care of itself. It doesn't matter what you have, it's how you use what you have. Material posessions or money will give you nothing but just more things to get depressed about. Don't worry about the future and take care of yourself.

It sounds overly simple, but it takes a lot of time and work to get to that point.

Answer 9

Your mom was probably tired and that's why she didn't give you the validation you were seeking. Problem is, if you look for that validation from somewhere outside of yourself, then you'll never really have it because it'll depend on the availability of that other person. Create the validation yourself. Your worthy of relationships just because you exist. Go to this link and read the poem, because it illustrates a point of view many of us never consider: http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html

Answer 10

Look, you're going through a rough patch right now, and I know it feels as if it will never end, but it will. You're only 29, keep taking you're meds, go to you're counselor. If this counselor isn't working out, get another one. You will feel better. I've been through the same thing, and the saying is true, time does heal . Hang in there, please.

Answer 11

Been there, done that, just choose not to wear the Tshirt
mail me through Answers and we can take it from there
I love emailing but be warned, I will not be able to reply till later tomorrow OK
chin up mate, things will get better