Not having a boyfriend for a while is making me think about my physical character traits. I never really thought that I was pretty bcuz I didnt have long hair or not light skinned and all that other stuff. Should I go and look 4 a boyfriend to build up my self esteem again?
2006-09-25 12:05:13 · 47 answers · asked by DJ Diva 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am sure you are attractive enough. Be patient. Desperation is never attractive. You don't need a boyfriend to raise your self-esteem. Confidence attracts. Be happy with who you are. Find other ways to make your self feel good such as being successful at your job or school. The boys will find you.
2006-09-25 12:09:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO. Don't look for a boyfriend until you see a therapist about this horrible inferiority complex you have. Is this the 1800's? As an African American woman (Of DARK skin and natural hair - locked now so it is long, but so what! I have worn it as short as 1 inch in the past) I CANNOT BELIEVE THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE OUT HERE WHO SUFFER WITH THESE ISSUES!
To put this issue on this type of forum rampant with racists just looking for a reason to down grade our race is embarassing and immature.
You are locked in a slave mentality. Having light skin and long hair gave slaves some advantage with "masters" who likely fathered them. We have come eons from this standard of beauty in this country and all over the world, although racism is still very real. Somebody close to you is color struck and has influenced your thinking. Read some history and see a therapist.
2006-09-25 13:01:00 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that you can do is look at yourself. Is your personality and what makes you, you. If you are being the best person you can be Mr. Right will see that. There is a difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right now. Mr. Right will see past the physical and accept you for who you are.
There is a difference between loving someone and being "in love". Being "in love" means that you might sacrifce a few hours with friends to be with your loved one. Loving someone is being by their side and holding their hand to the very last moment as they die of cancer.
In your final moments you may not look your best, that is not the time to find out that he was with you because you have long hair and nice nails.
You have the ability to make or break your self esteem. Your happiness lies in your own hands. A boyfriend is just a person who comes along for the ride to share in that happiness.
2006-09-25 12:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Self-esteem comes from within yourself (hence, the word "self"), not from anyone else. Just b/c you haven't met anyone that is compatible with you at this point in your life, does not mean you are unattractive. But I will tell you what *is* attractive, and that is someone who has confidence and who has interests. And the way to get those things is to work on *yourself*, finding out who YOU are and what your likes/dislikes are. This is the time for you to spend on YOU. Cherish that time. Men are a dime a dozen, but what is rare is a man who is compatible with the one and only you. Prepare yourself now for meeting that person in the future. If you want someone who is well-educated, make sure you are working on getting an education now, so that you will be compatible with that type of person when you meet them. If you want someone who is spiritually compatible, then spend this time bettering yourself spiritually so that you will be prepared when you meet your special someone. Best wishes to you!
2006-09-25 12:10:42 · answer #4 · answered by J.Z. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not look for a boyfriend for the sole purpose of building your self esteem, because then you will end up relying on him to make you feel good about yourself.
You should never give someone else the responsibility of making you feel good about yourself. Sure, people can boost your ego, and that's always nice and welcome. But essentially, you should feel pretty good about yourself overall as a person, on your own, without requiring someone else to make you feel like you have value.
Try to build up your confidence and self-esteem outside of a romantic relationship first, before looking for a serious boyfriend. I'm sure you have a lot of beautiful qualities, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
2006-09-25 12:10:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you i had the same self esteem problem . I'm light skinned like gina on martin no good hair or beyonce length hair. I had a boyfriend drought, and it gave me time to figure out what i like about me and how make me feel better about me of course i pray to jesus christ and now iam comfortable in my own skin. Once u establish that you won't just be looking for a man to make u fell good about your self. cus when men see a low self esteem woman they'll use your negative feelings about yourself and abuse you mentally . So figure you out and what makes you happy and beautiful and once you that you won't settle for a man making you feel better. Cus light skin is not all that it is cracked up to be an blackmen need to get out of that colorstruck spell that has been conditioned to our black race since slavery .
2006-09-25 12:14:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your self-esteem requires a boyfriend you've got a problem. Any man who would be interested in a woman who would use him as a means to raising her self-esteem is the kind of man who would use her and dump her, leaving her with even lower self-esteem than she had to begin with. Isn't this what happened the last time?
2006-09-25 12:12:56 · answer #7 · answered by lidlolady 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel you need a man to build up your self-esteem? Don't get me wrong, men are great, I married one. But if you aren't happy just being yourself then what's the point of getting a man? They won't like you for you, or won't respect you or something that will just turn your relationship into crap. You need to be happy being single and yourself, because if you don't then you'll just end up conforming to what he wants and not what you want. You are the most important right now, remember that.
2006-09-25 12:09:55 · answer #8 · answered by Pilar L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not your looks that really matter in the long run. Physical aspects are there only for the very short duration i.e to attract and from then on there is much more. All you have to do is apply the principles listed by DALE Carnegie in his book "How to win friends and influence people" . Best of luck!!
2006-09-25 12:09:31 · answer #9 · answered by prad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Physical traits last only so long anyway...personally I like people who have great personalities and inward beauty. Just ask my friends and they will tell you I like ugly nerds. Anyway...a guy won't make you feel better about yourself and in fact he might make you feel worse about yourself if he is a jerk. Just work on who you are and grow into a beautiful person (because what its on the inside shines thru)...it will probably make you happier than any boyfriend would.
2006-09-25 12:11:17 · answer #10 · answered by rythm_minuet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋