she and i have been so very close, no i am not the father, i'm a girl, i need some advice and soon!
2006-09-25 11:41:41 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
The first thing you should do is pay close attention at how this is going to make her life a living hell.....I'm almost 20 years out of high school so I know more than any little kid on here trying to give you advice....Why? Been there done that.
So as I said, you watch closely, learn from her stupid mistake. Yes, she's an idiot...as was I when I was 16. You do what you want, but it's NOT ok how she is. You are wise to NOT make excuses for her or play make believe that everything is going to be ok....It wont.
This is a very tragic situation, one that she will be paying for for the rest of her life...Thing is, she 100% brought it on her self. It wasn't an "accident", she wanted to play adult and got screwed (pun intended)
You are to not let her mess with your studies and home life. She's a big girl and trust me when I say this, misery loves company. You may be able to still be her friend but why should you "support" her? She's a dumbass! Plain and simple. As I said....I CAN TALK! Been there done that....And every one else around me that were dumb enough to get pregnant as a teenager has had a really rough time. Out of all the teen-pregnancies I have ever known about, they have all turned out bad. Minimum wage jobs, expenses up the yang, frustration and a premature surrendering of what is supposed to be the best time of your life.
You need to be firm with her and let her know that you do not condone what she has done and push her towards adoption. She can still salvage her life but chances are she's to immature to make the right decision (as she has already proven). Lay it down and let her know that you are not going to let this interfere with your education or social life. You only get to do it once and because she has at this point thrown the best years of hers in the trash, you'd be wise not to follow. You don't need all this drama bringing you down.
Friends come and go and that’s life. Think ahead to when you are 30 years old....She'll just be a faded memory, thing is...How will what you choose to do now affect YOU that many years down that road?
Be smart, learn from her mistake and you need to set some rules and boundaries on how you are going to proceed. Remember YOU come first, your fun comes first, your school comes first, your family comes first....And her problems are just that, HER problems, don't make them yours.
Push for adoption and push hard....When she's working a minimum wage job with no man around and struggling, your conscience will be clear.
I wished I would have listened to what adults were telling us to do....We didn't and life has been hell, emotional hell for her and financial hell for me. Only over the past few years have things calmed down. I just look at all the wasted years and kick my self in the azz. But I'm grateful to have been able to pull out of it in good shape. Her? I could care less if she rots in hell....Fun huh? Well thats the reality of it. No such thing as fairy-tale endings like we convinced our self of....Yeah, we were "different"..We were going to beat the "statistics"...We thought we knew better than the adults and were going to prove them wrong...Now here's an adult telling you how its going to be, you'd be wise to listen.
Was it worth it? Hell no. Would I have done it differently? You bet your azz.
So as I said, don't listen to all the little drama-queens and their lame azz answers here. Listen to some one thats been there, from beginning to end. This isn't your problem, don't make. Make clear to her you will not allow this to affect your life in any way.
Do the right thing...Right thing by YOU!
Best wishes and enjoy your youth!
2006-09-25 12:31:51 · answer #1 · answered by joe b 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Although I would by no means say to abandon your friend, you have to consider that, you may not realize it, but this is a taxing time for you as well. If you need to take some time away from your friend just to reevaluate her situation and the situation you are now in you should be able to do that without guilt. Being the only support system available for a pregnant friend is emotionally draining for a grown woman, much less a young teen.
And NOT all teen pregnancies turn out badly. I got pregnant at 16 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I stopped doing all the stupid things that I was doing, went to college, earned two degrees and now have a stable home and family and am very happy. Yes, she will have to work harder than most but her life is NOT over. Make sure that she knows that.
I highly recommend discussing this with your parents or with an adult that you trust. Get their advice and support. You are going to need your own support system as the two of you endure this trying time together as friends.
One more thing: your friend being pregnant should not stop you from still going out and doing the things that you love, even if she can no longer go with you. You still have a life to live. You can be yourself and enjoy your youth and still be a good supportive friend. You just have to find the balance. If you give her 100% of your time you will get burnt out fast and it will place a strain on the friendship early on. Best of luck to both of you.
2006-09-25 13:52:30 · answer #2 · answered by A.R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs you to be a great friend! No questions asked! Just be there! If she is keeping the baby help her to be positive. If she is letting the baby be adopted help her to know that she is making a great decision! She is very young to become a mom but she can do it if she has a good support team fo parents,family, and friends. YOu cannot give up your freedom as a young person but you can be with her and let her know that you love her and will be there throughout this stressful time. Her body will be going through more changes than getting fat! Her hormones will drive her nuts and she will not know what is happening and she will need someone to talk to or to just be with that is not judging or putting her down. It is hard for the parents to go through also but they probably will be there for her but it will be a rough time in the beginning.Her bf will probably skip off and not go through this. He is young also and doesn't know how to deal with it any better than she does and he doesn't have the growing baby inside to make it so very real yet!So just be her friend as you always have been. She is not a bad person, just someone who got caught and ended up prergnant.Others are having sex but she just got caught!
2006-09-25 11:53:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are her friend and have been very close just why would you even consider abandoning her when she is pregnant,.....that's not what I would call being a friend.
Stay with her, she is going to need all the help and support she can get.
2006-09-25 11:45:39 · answer #4 · answered by sarch_uk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow what a friend u even have the thought of abandoning her in this time of need that is messed up...No u shouldnt abadon her would u like it if she done that to u . be there for her and keep her in school and be a good mommy to that baby so many kids nowadays are being raised by the grandparents and that is not cool she can still graduate and everything go to college with a baby that is not going to stop her and u need to be there every part of the way helping her,............
2006-09-25 11:51:26 · answer #5 · answered by queenbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were a real friend you would support her. you might not have done what she did but would you want her to abandon YOU if you got pregnant? she needs a friend right now. being pregnant is an emotional time.
2006-09-25 11:43:54 · answer #6 · answered by spankedelic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Support her!
It doesnt matter what age a woman is, I think you need a good friend for support when you are pregnant. I know I did !
2006-09-25 11:49:22 · answer #7 · answered by Not_a_toothless_pirate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't judge. Don't judge people period. By ending your friendship you would be harshly judging her. Look forward and celebrate the precious beautiful baby she'll soon welcome into the world with your help. Learn from her lesson and offer encouragement. Its going to be helpful for her to have you there as her connection to the real, "normal" world. Hang in there! In no way should you abandon her. That would be very small of you. Peace.
2006-09-25 12:10:25 · answer #8 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
support her in her time of need, also tell her about birth control. Be there for her until she won't be there for you. She needs a ton of support, it is hard taking care of a child at like um 14 and 15.
2006-09-25 11:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by SO SASSY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are really her friend you will support her. She may have made a bad choice but she does not need friends that walk away from her right now.
2006-09-25 11:49:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs you as a real friend now more than ever. If you have bben close then dont abandon her , it can be a scary and lonley time for her , I am quite sure she is having all kinds of emotions , you ought not judge her. Just be as supportive as you can .........
2006-09-25 11:45:04 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋