I've been with my bf for a year now & we have been on and off. Him & his ex broke up last year bec she left him for another guy. I know that he still talks to her & when I asked him about it he said he only calls her bec of the timeshare they have under both their names but I think it's more than that. Last May, my bf & I broke up & I went to Puerto Rico w/ my family & when I got back my bf & I started talking again & got back together. I found out later on that he wrote her a letter for Mothers day & on the letter, he talked about how he misses her & everything they used to do together. Him & I had a big argument about both of us talking to our ex's & we agreed that we won't talk w/ the ex's unless it has something to do w/ their timeshare or my son with my ex. When I checked his cell 2 wks ago I found out that he called her & when I asked him about it he denied it & lied to me about it. I haven't told him that I've cheated on him w/ my ex. I do love him but I dont know what to do?
2006-09-25 09:20:32 · 21 answers · asked by Is it me or Is it him? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You already know the answer to this question.
He has already demonstrated his loyalty to you (more like lack thereof). He has made his chioce. Sorry it's not you.
He still harbors baggage from his last reltionship and you are getting tired of carrying it. So why are you still with him?
Think about "what if.."
"What if" you choose not to be with a guy you feel like complaining about, but rather a guy you felt like bregging about?
It's your choice. You teach people how to treat you with what you will and won't accept from them. You may think you have made your point by telling him how you feel, and you may think he understands because he promised not to do something.....
But his behavior clearly indicates that your feelings about it are not a priority for him. So why do you stick around? Sticking around means that you accept being lied to and deceived, and you don't really mean what you say. How can you expect him to respect you? You are all talk, no action.
Leave and don't look back. Find a guy who chooses you as his first choice, not by default. Find a guy who is honest and loyal to you, one who won't cause you to question, wonder, and worry about how he feels. Find a guy who is so good to you that you will want to call all your friends and brag about him to them. Wouldn't that be nice? These guys are out there, you are just not with one of them. Why?
You can't expect to buy shoes that are too small and hope and wish them into fitting you in the future. So why do that with men?
You hook up with one, invest all of your emotions and self esteem in them, and expect them to validate you, and you rely on them for your own self acceptance. Why?
It is foolish to get with a guy because you really want him to like you, then make excuses for his inconsistent behavior, then try to force him to feel what you want him to feel for you. No wonder why he is pining for someone else.....
This whole "breaking up/getting back together with him" thing is a bunch of BS. You broke up for a reason. He either 1-wasn't right for you, 2-committed a "dealbreaker", or 3-you wanted to "punsh" him by wthdrawing. There are only 2 valid reasons to break up with someone (1&2). I think you were using the 3rd to manipulate him.
Grow up and raise your standards in men, honey. They are out there. You just can't see them because you are addicted to the "challenge" of trying to get the self-absorbed ones to like you. Maybe you think it would validate you, but it looks more like it's sucking the life out of you.
Walk away, don't look back.
2006-09-25 09:41:22 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to sound mean, but it's your own fault. I know you can give b***s**t like, "I still love him." No, no you don't. What your experiancing it the mommy factor. Your used to following him around and letting your emotions openly display themselves, but when mommy is about to leave, your open feelings panic and without realizing it, your now stuck in addiction.The hell with any one guy. There is over 8 billion people on this planet. If it's not now, it's going to have to be later. Have patiance. Pop your mouth off his titty because his hormones belong to all the females in the world. It's only 1 out of 10 men that actually feel honesty and really respect his elders, women, and children. This guy won't pick on men that can't fight back, and he won't join the a**holes in hollering at the top of his lungs at every touchdown and chugging down as much alcohol his liver can tolerate. Even if you die alone, you'll die your own person.
2006-09-25 16:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the problem with him talking to his ex? If there's no problem, don't make one. Just tell him you know and that it's okay with you. Now, if they're doing stuff together, like in the form of him cheating on you; that's a different story. But don't get worked up over a text message or a phone call. People talk; that's life.
2006-09-25 16:23:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me--neither one of you are over your past relationships.You can't be mad at him for what he is doing because you are doing wrong too.I don't think your new relationship will work because you are both cheating and lying to each other.It's not fair to either one of you.Sounds like ya'll need to have a long talk----tell each other the whole truth and nothing but the truth and go from there.Trust is the biggest part of a relationship and you both have screwed that up.Good luck!! Hope everything works out for the best
2006-09-25 16:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you cheated on him with your ex..and you have a problem with him talking to his ex. first of all i am a married woman and i would be upset if my man happend to talk to his ex so i understand where you are coming from i dont tolarate that but you did worse than him .. he was just talking as you said but you actually cheated on your man with your ex. and you give him trouble cuz he is not honest with you.. why dont you be honest with him and tell him what you did .. i think cuz you did sth with your ex you are assuming hey why wouldnt he do as well?? you said you loved him but it doesnt seem to be that way to me, sometimes love isnt enough and he has to know what you did . hey maybe he has still feelings for his ex and maybe he does actually want to be with her but he is afraid to break your heart so i think he needs to know you cheated on him so he can be free and do what he wants and make a decision. be an adult about it . by the way lies always get exposed maybe not now but it will be later. And i dont think you guys are suited to be together.
2006-09-25 16:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This goes for EvErYoNe!!!!!!
**As Soon As You Realize You Can Cheat And Lie To Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend You Shouldnt Be With Them. **
If You Love Them Don't Hurt Them!
back to the question... if you think hes cheating dont go out and get revenge you might be wrong and come to find out that he really wasn't, if thats the case of why you cheated on him and for him lieing to you tell him show him that you cought him in his lie see what he says then.
2006-09-25 16:36:44 · answer #6 · answered by katiy n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like both of you have trust issues - and they are founded. i don't think this is a good relationship for either of you. i know you say you love him, but if you truely did you wouldn't have cheated on him. I think you need to get out of this relationship. Neither of you appears to be over your ex's - and until you guys are, you will not be able to have a good relationship.
2006-09-25 16:23:49 · answer #7 · answered by scubachick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't trust him and cheating on him then what do you hope to have with him? I understand it is hard to move on and let go...I've dealt with it myself...but if you aren't happy then let it go. Generally we don't cheat on the ones we truly love. If you do stay, I would stop giving him a hard time about what he is doing when you are not being completly honest yourself. Could it be fear of being alone?
2006-09-25 16:25:13 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He still likes her and the fact you 2 are on & off again should tell you it's not worth the energy you put in. Dump him for good and move on.
2006-09-25 16:25:58 · answer #9 · answered by scorpion187us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that is what you get bec you are a cheat as well. If you dish it you better be able to eat it.
2006-09-25 16:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Tosha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋