Should I file?

Question

I am torn whether to file child support or not. The reason being that my childs father is not on the birth certificate and he is not a good person. He has done countless wrongs to me but that is besides the point. He doesn't have the best enviroment for our child, he has a clinical disorder abuses drugs and alcohol, he is just basically not mentally stable. The values he states he wants to instill in our child are just horrible. I dont ever want to tell my child I told your father to go away. If I file child support, he will not pay(as he has told me) and he will be given parental rights. How he abuses himself is nothing I can prove in a court. This is making me just sick!! Any rights he gets he will use. Whenever he has taken the baby he comes back with a dirty diaper and upset. I have learned my lesson about judgment in people. I need a second opinion.

Answer 1

I think you have already answered your own question.

If he isn't on the birth certificate and is like you say, do you really want him to be identified as the baby's father by putting his name on the certificate?

If you answered NO, then that's answers your question.

If he has no parental rights as of now, then why are you letting him take the baby? If the conditions are like you say, why would you let your baby be put into a position like that?

That answers your question again.

I'll answer it a third time. Go your own way, disassociate yourself from this man, have nothing to do with him. Get on with your life and find another way to support your child, you will have to anyway if he won't pay. So move on and get yourself straightened out.

Good luck to you and your baby.

Answer 2

A friend of mine was in the same boat and she just left the father alone. Like you said he is not a good person and probably doesn't want the child any way he knows it upsets you so he is using the child to do that. I would give him a choice give up the stuff and have a real life with you child or just leave us alone. Chances are he will leave you alone. Then you will be able to tell your child you gave him a chance. It is a hard wold already to raise a child without the added stress of what your child will think later. Don't underestimate him without giving him a chance.

The father could do a court order for a DNA test but then he will have to comply with a lot of testing that I am sure he will not want to mess with since he does drugs. You can also have a court ordered drug test to prove your case if it does go that far.

Good luck and I hope you can find peace....your child sences when you are upset. Maybe even join a church group or a battered wife group. I know you have not been but they have probably been through what you are going through...the only diffrence is they stuck around.

Answer 3

He is not listed as your child's father on the birth certificate, he has said he will not pay child support, and he uses drugs and is basically a bad person?!?!? Keep him as far away from your child as possible!! If listing him and requesting child support will give him parental rights...then don't! I raised my child on my own...without child support or welfare-you can too. I worked hard and made out ok and my daughter is better off for not having any contact with her "father". Do not let this man near your baby...he has no legal claim and should not be allowed visits.

Answer 4

By the sounds of things I would write him off totally. You and your child dont need a dead beat like that in your life.
Sure a little more money would be nice..but if he is a drug user, not stable...where is he going to get the money to pay child support?
I would write him off. deny his visits and pretned like he doesnt exist.
When the child is older or if the father in the future has PROOF that he has cleaned up his act then I would consider letting him slowly back into the childs life..until then. NFW!
I would explain to the child who the father is when there are at an age where they are old enough to make thier own decisions,and decide whether or not they want him in their life or not.

Answer 5

And you had a baby with this loser because???
Your baby has half his genes. Your baby could have mental and substance abuse problems, too.
Here again, is the case for having a stable marriage before having a child. Here again, is a case in point for being educated and independent when you decide to have a baby-so you can support yourself and a child that YOU bring into the world. With or without help.
Have you figured out what caused this predicament? You going to keep your drawers on for awhile? Safe sex? Pick better?
Now, you will be trying to have a relationship with someone NEW while hauling around a baby that is a product of a loser and a what? Someone who won't face her responsibilites, won't stand up for her child, wants a looney to be near her baby FOR MONEY! and doesn't understand safe sex.
I feel really sorry for you and your baby. Did your parents raise you to be like this or was this your idea?
NO!!
Do not file for support unless you want your baby influenced and abused by his father- a drunk, druggie and undiagnosed cuckoo who could injure, molest, kidnap, and demoralize him.
You didn't before, but now--stand on your hind legs and say--with your life and your actions from now on:
I sent your father away because I love you and want the best for you. We can do this. You and I baby!
Mean it.
That precious baby can be the biggest mistake you ever made, and throw you into automatic victim mode for the rest of your life (and his) OR
You can take your life in your own hands, and make the tough choices NOW to make your life and his better than imaginable.
Call on your family to help you. Work hard, go to college/tech school and get a degree, so you can give you and your child a good life.
Meet good guys. If you can't attract a good guy, change your bait. Don't waste one minute on any loser. You have a baby to raise--well!! Not just feed.
It is the most important thing you will ever do.
Don't let that sperm donor near his child unless he is sober and responsible. Fight him in court to keep him from being alone with your baby.
You are worth it and so is our child. That man does not deserve to have a family, just because you got pregnant.
Call a women's center in your town/college or a free law line, and ask what the LAW!! is about letting him have visitation if he is a drunk or otherwise dangerous. Don't listen to HIM! Find out for yourself.
He may be forced to give you money-CHILD Support -- and not be allowed to see the baby if he is dangerous. He is dangerous if he threatens you or him, is not sober, and responsible, and refuses to help you without bullying you.
My gut tells me you are better off not messing with him at all.
You will be so proud of yourslef, if you protect that child and become the mother he deserves.
Good luck.

Answer 6

the facts is true he doesn't have to be able to see ya son if he pays child support you can fight it to the bitter end. I'm no expert to tell you what to do or not. And in the end ya can read everyone opinion but you have to make the choice what you in your heart feels is right. My sister went through something like you. My neices birth dad is not on the birth certificate. She was young when she got pregnant and the guy was a complete A`SS. She needed the support but didn't want him near her baby. Me and her both sat down and thought of the pros and cons. Which I think you should do. In her case, my neices birth farther was a no good a'ss and she decided it be better to have no support and her kid away from him. Then have the support and him have a small chance to be near that baby. My neice is now 6 years old and know nothing about her birth farther. My sister married a guy who has takin over the farther role. When my neice is old enough to understand she will be told about her farther and given the choice to find him or not. GOOD LUCK I know its a hard choice.

Answer 7

I had a similar case, as I'm sure do a lot of women.

I can only tell you what I did and how I came to this conclusion.

I was stuggling to make ends meet. I could not afford new shoes for my son and he was in desperate need. I was so tired of trying to do this alone. While I know I wouldn't get a red cent out of him, I had to know I'd done everything in my power to give my child a life he deserved and I wanted to be able to go to bed at night with that peace of mind.

I filed, he said he was going to file for joint custody so he wouldn't have to pay. He never did, he just went into the court and told them that it wasn't his baby. They then said "then you want to contest this paternity?" he said yes, but soon dropped it after he found out he would have to pay hundreds of dollars for a DNA test when he knew that it was his child.

4 years later, I still have not seen any child support, but I know that when my son gets older I can tell him "I did the best I could by you". And that was what was most important to me.

Answer 8

The filing is up to you. But just remember that just because you dont file doesn't mean he doesn't have parental rights. He can still see the baby. He can still go to court and get 50/50 custody. If you file and he does not pay, you can make his life miserable. In certain states if you dont pay child support, you will end up with bad credit, not be able to renew your drivers license, etc. If you need the money then go for it. If you dont need it than I wouldn't.

And please, please... If you dont trust this guy, why are you letting him take your baby? If he is truely doing drugs etc., Is that something you want your child around? Make him fight for custody if he really wants it. Don't make it easy on him.

Answer 9

Pictures speak a thousand words. Video tape when your ex brings the baby back, make sure it's time and date stamped, and record the horrible condition the baby is in You may have to tell him that you'll be recording for legal purposes, but you don't have to tell him why. Get impartial witnesses to testify to the fact that your ex is trying to raise your child in such a deplorable manner, people who have nothing to gain from you having custody. His paternity can proven with a simple blood test, which the courts may order.

Answer 10

this is what your stupid *** gets for bumscrewing and not staying on birth control. Did you even ask if the guy wanted a kid? Guys should be able to sign a paper that let's them out of the responsibility of being the father, and not having to pay child support because some ho gets pregnant and takes you to court. freakin idiot women.