Why does it seem like my family is so against me having kids? They all love my girls and they love being grandparents/aunts/uncles to them. And we never ask for help and are good parents. Then why are they always saying stuff to me like don't have anymore kids anytime soon or things like that? My husband and I both agree that we want more kids and we don't mind having them spaced close together. Shouldn't the decision be only up to us? It's not like we are asking for advice from them. And I could understand if we were always mooching off of them or weren't being responsible. Should I just ignore their comments and do what I want? Or is there some reason why maybe I should listen to what they say? We have 3 girls, spaced 20 months apart.
2006-09-25 08:32:54 · 17 answers · asked by mommyem 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Does your family give you any REASONS as to why they think you shouldn't have more kids in the near future?
20 months apart...that's pretty close together. While I don't know if I could handle so many little tinies, if you're able to take care of these kids, and are able to support them financially and emotionally, and you WANT another child, I don't see why you shouldn't have another.
But I'm sure your family has reasons for saying what they say. If you find out these reasons are valid, you may want to consider them. But if it is indeed just a way to control your life, I would say to do what you & your husband have decided is best.
As long as you're acting in the best interest of your family and you don't feel overwhelmed (you're a braver woman than me!), go for it. You should just recognize the concerns of your family, but ultimately it should be YOU and your husband who make the final decision.
2006-09-25 09:04:07 · answer #1 · answered by Leah M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why this might seem like unwanted criticism, but keep in mind that, as your childrens' Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents, they are also in this with you...just not to the same degree. As an Uncle, I find that I'm having to gauge my gift-giving so that I'm not singling out any of my nieces (I've got two) or nephews (3 of them as well) for something outstanding at the other's expense. This is a hard thing to do, as I then have to try to find some sort of gift for each child (especially at Christmas) that they'll love, but won't bankrupt me in the process when I also factor in gifts for my own parents and siblings.
And don't forget that your own relatives may also have families of their own, with their own time and financial demands as part of the bargain. It's not about you, necessarily, and it's not about them, either; rather, it's about making sure that the inter-family relationships don't suffer as the whole group grows.
Time and attention are also issues that will be effecting your family as well. For each child you've got, there will be quite definite demands on everyone's time when they're around. How does an Aunt, Uncle or Grandma/Grandpa be fair? Will someone be hurt because they feel that their older or younger sister is getting "all the attention"?
I'll grant you that you've given birth to the kids, and that they're a part of your life 24/7. But keep in mind that your decision to bring more into the world *will* effect those around you, whether you like to think so or not.
So take it as advice, do what you think is right, and don't be surprised or upset if your relationship to your own family is changed as well - it IS, after all, your choice.
2006-09-25 08:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
True, it is your decision. I don't know your parents or you, but I would just say maybe you need to honestly evaluate your day to day life with three girls. Perhaps they see something you don't. Sometimes when my folks offer advice about something it is because they are an observer and can see things about ourselves or situations that we don't.
If this doesn't fit, then I would say continue to make your own plans and path in life. Good for you if you can handle another child without asking for help. I have two boys 22 months apart and that is about as busy as I want to be. We don't have family nearby, but I often wish we did so that we'd have that extra support.
2006-09-25 08:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have your life in order, so why do they care?? Life only happens once. If you want more children then by all means have more. Children are a blessing! I have a huge family which I love. It is great around the holiday's to have a house full of loved ones. More memories to cherish.
For some reason people tend to try and control other peoples lives/decisions. I think it is because they lack control within their own lives. Either way do what makes you happy. It is much easier to please yourself then it is others. Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-09-25 08:45:33 · answer #4 · answered by zero 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your family might see you two struggling to take care of your girls. I mean financially. Don't let the comments discourage you and your husband if you are able to take care of your children. But if you are on state assistance or asking for help from your family then I think you should stop until you can take care of them on your own. Children are a blessing and you are put here to have them so don't feel bad but be responsible for the one's you have.
2006-09-25 11:09:26 · answer #5 · answered by Tyler&Noah's mommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can listen to their advice, but you don't have to take it. If you and your husband want more children then go ahead. Obviously ensure the decision you're making is the right one. Explain to your family the decision you're making is one that you have made with your heart, and say to them you really want them to support you. I hope everything turns out OK for you.
2006-09-25 08:38:13 · answer #6 · answered by lorna m 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lol i'm getting the very similar suggestion as you from my MIL and it drives me up the wall! even as she change into teething we nonetheless lived with her and each day it change into "supply her tylenol" and that is even if if my daughter wasn't bothered! each and every little cough change into supply her meds or take her to the Dr 'cuz that's her tonsils! i have in worry-free words given my daughter medicine once and that change into even as she had a intense fever, except that i do not position self assurance in drugging my toddler!
2016-10-16 02:15:01 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family is like that to and i know what you are saying. There is a reason they are saying what they are. I believe that they might see something you might not it dose good to listen and ask questions do not be afraid to be you and think things out
2006-09-25 08:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by Ela J Pete 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are probably looking out for your best interests. 4 or more children is a lot of responsibility. If you are both ready for it, then you go with your heart and do what you want. It's your life.
2006-09-25 08:37:33 · answer #9 · answered by hello 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sure, have another Kid... The more the merrier right? Just so long as there isn't more than 4 of them.
...Oh, by the way. If your next child is a Boy then he'll most likely turn out Gay.
2006-09-25 08:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋