I recently met a girl that said she would never date someone who had cheated on anyone in the past, even if it was kissing one girl while they were dating another. She said she felt this way even if she didn't expect the person to cheat on her in the future. Is this a realistic viewpoint? Should someone be held responsible for questionable decision(s) they have made in the past?
2006-09-25 08:27:52 · 20 answers · asked by silentbobus 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is the view point of an idealist, not a realist. We all make mistakes, that is how we learn. I cheated on my second husband but it was because I didn't really love him, although I thought I did when I married him, but I didn't really know him. I have since found true love and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would never cheat on him, I could not even contemplate it, but I still made the mistake in the past and anyone who expects total perfection is bound to be dissapointed. I think this girl has a bit of growing up to do
2006-09-25 09:52:43 · answer #1 · answered by pamperpooch39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is precisely that - THE PAST !!
Its what you do with the knowledge you've gained from those past experiences. If you stick your hand in a fire without knowing it will hurt then you'll get a nasty surprise but if you learn from that pain then your less likely to do it again. Its all about learning curves.....
If you're with the right person then it shouldnt be an issue - you will not have a desire to cheat and cross those boundaries.
You cannot judge others if you have not had the same experiences or walked a mile in their shoes. She needs to learn that - there are MANY different reasons people may cheat and it doesnt mean a person is bad to the core!
I have cheated in the past and also been the victim of someone cheating on me - BOTH instances are really horrible and I have learned that I dont ever want to be in that position again - I am accountable for MY actions and choose not to do it again. I would also hope that whoever i end up with would not do it to me but nothing is certain in life.
Learn mutual trust otherwise its a waste of time and energy and leads to paranoia....she is creating her own paranoia.
2006-09-25 08:50:49 · answer #2 · answered by clairejoolz78 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am at this time seeing a man who in the recent (5yrs) past admitted to having an affair with a married woman...
He says he never cheated on his wife...did this after they seperated...but still it didn't seem to bother him that he was the "other man" in this woman's marriage! When I asked him how he would have felt if his wife was cheating during their marriage..he won't even answer this,,,
He questions me on every one I talk to ...demands the p/c to my emails so he can read them...and accuses me of wanting to cheat on him! This even though I have never done so with anyone! and have turned down several dates with married persons or ones in relationships and he knows it!
Don't know if this helps you.,..but it gives an example of the thinking of people who cheat!! Even if we can forgive and trust you....you know how easy it was for you to do it and you expect it of anyone you get involved with...Guess you don't want it to come around on you eh?
2006-09-25 08:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by arosehasthornns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have and it was a nightmare with no trust at all.
She'd been married and had an affair for 8 years of that marraige making the whole thing a joke.
I've since heard she is cheating on her current partner, people never change.
2006-09-25 08:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no the mistakes you've made in the past are in the past. you have been forgiven by the heavenly father and should not be judged for something stupid. we all make mistakes you just have to meet the right person who is forgiving and understands cause if they can't forgive you then you are constantly worrying about what they are thinking. that's not healthy trust me i've been there before. i made that mistake too but got lucky having a forgiving bf that understood that we all make mistakes. you deserve that too. just don't make the same mistake again learn from it and move on.
2006-09-25 08:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by ELIZABETH F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has a past. As long as you don't repeat it and you know better than to cheat then the answer is No. The past is the past for a reason.
2006-09-25 08:33:05 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO I think people should be given a second chance but if the person keeps cheating then that's something different and I would not give them a chance no way in hell.
2006-09-25 08:32:16 · answer #7 · answered by busybeee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs to grow up. Everyone makes mistakes. Not only that but to not date a guy because he has kissed someone else whilst in a relationship is just plain dumb, maybe not so much if sex was involved, but a kiss?? Not everything is that black and white. Do yourself a favour and find someone slighty less irrational.
2006-09-25 08:46:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe once a cheater always a cheater but I also believe all cheaters should be shot but that is because I been cheated on so many times in the past!!!
2006-09-25 08:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tell you something !
I wish I had listened to my gut-feeling when I met a man who cheated on his wife,I got the old story she doesn't understand me etc.! He wouldn't leave me alone and after many years we got married and than after yet more years I got this strange gut-feeling again after he told me he " pretended to love me " one morning !
I threw him out there and then and found out afterwards he had cheated on me for 13 years ! He is still cheating on the women he is with now and he is nearly 60 YEARS OLD !!!!
So your friend has the right idea ! DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE THAT CHEAT THEY NEVER STOP !!!!!
2006-09-25 08:43:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋