My son is 7 years old, and his father just started coming around 2 years ago, he left me pregnant with him, so i took his as_s to childsupport, and he started seeing my son, but know that he is around itz like why is he there for he claims he does a lot but my son only goes there every other weekend, first of all i don't consider 4 times a month doing something, today i called him to pick up my son from school, because he has a pink eye, and all he did was *****, so i hung on his *** and told him to go to hell, i;'m sick and tired of him he doesn't do ****. He is a piece of sh-it and my son does not need him anymore, he needed him when he was a baby, but not anymore, any advice.
2006-09-25 08:19:27 · 26 answers · asked by LADY J 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
he left when you were pregnant.. you could have had an abortion or given the kid for adoption but you didnt - instead you made him pay you money
and now you say you dont need him.. ok fair enough pay the guy back all the money you took from him over the years.. and then move on...
DONT use a man for sperm and money and then deny him any rights...
2006-09-25 08:23:32 · answer #1 · answered by CF_ 7 · 1⤊ 5⤋
Honey....LOTSA good advice you've already gotten from our 'answers' community! Especially the ones who question why you got pregnant in the first place (I know...you were in love & didn't know....we ALL have that in us so I don't mean any of this as cruel). I am 55 yrs. old. I came up in the 60's, 70's, & 80's. Can you imagine the mistakes I made?! But I NEVER got pregnant....whoa & I prob. shoulda' or followed it all with a deadly STD! But the reason I never got pregnant is because my Mom went over all the details & encouraged me to use birth control in every situation. Her message was DO NOT GET PREGNANT! For any reason until you KNOW. Having fun was also her msg. & she did not ruin that part at all! Knowing is a difficult thing. We all have had our moments when we think we know but in our hindsight (20/20 of course) we realize
that we made a huge mistake. Of course you adore your son.....nothing can ever change that, but 'know' that ultimately this was YOUR choice (men are just stupid that way). You had alternatives if you had really thought this out. It's terrible that you have to bare this frustration but many of the other suggestions here are very important....especially the one that says NEVER badmouth the father to the child. That will only come back to bite you in the butt. Please let your child develope his own opinion of his dad. The truth will surface for him but it will take time. In the meantime you will be terribly frustrated & angry but keep it to yourself. As he approaches adulthood (quicker than you can imagine!) you two will begin to share about these things & even have a laugh while comparing notes!!
2006-09-25 16:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by PAMELA G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you might not like hearing this but ......
Your son does needs him and as long as he is being a good dad like taking him out and seeing him that is alot better than other dads ....
You should also watch out and not talk bad about him in front of your son it makes you look bad and most times your kid will defend him because you are the one that tells him what to do and punishes him and dad is always fun when he comes around .....
When they get older they will finally see that you were the one always there for him when he was sick or needed your help......
Just don't count on him if you already know that he won't be there ... your just making it hard on you and your son ....
I know its hard but your kid needs you to be the grown up...
set up a day where you can go out with a Friend and vent so you don't stress out and you have a pair of ears that will understand your frustration...
Good luck your son will needs you
2006-09-25 15:33:00 · answer #3 · answered by I hear ya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.....he must be related to my ex!!! Speaking from experience, don't put him down in front of the child. Let the child form his own opinion. Only talk to him when it is absolutly necessary. Don't expect anything more than his weekends. Youv'e done it by yourself this far, just keep continuing to do so. Don't argue with him in front of the child. This can have a harmfull effect on your son (my son is 12 and going thru anger mgmt due to the fighting he witnessed). Take his child support and be glad that he does see him every other weekend (gives you a break). Eventually, if you keep your cool, your son will figure out who is the a**hole and will be old enough to decide for himself if he wants to spend time with him.
Hang in there.......it does get easier. Just remember don't expect anything extra than weekends. A weekend father doesn't make him a dad.
2006-09-25 16:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by beverflo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually, your kid needs him more than than he did as a baby. far more. the day is coming, alas, when he must break from you to form a secure male identity. at that time, wouldn't it be lovely if daddy was there and decent.
it seems like you are trying to get him to function like a husband and he barely functions as a father. give him a chance. reward his baby steps - not because he deserves it but because your son does.
my advice to you is to call up and apologize, even if he'll never apologize for leaving you in a lurch. you must be the better person, or who will? If you play to your son's father's level, how does that help your son? If you are better, you can pull your sons' father up.
4x/mo is 400% more a month than your son had until recently. you don't consider it anything, but i have a feeling your son treasures it.
Your understandable rage is getting in the way of your son's happiness and, mom, you know that's wrong.
Advice - choke it up, be the better person, reward and encourage his baby steps, and please tell all your friends and acquaintances that sex with an unreliable man is a bad idea with terrible consequences for little babies.
2006-09-25 15:27:46 · answer #5 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom was left with three kids, she didn't get sh*t from him ever. I saw my dad maybe once a year.
Be happy that he's doing the right thing and sending money and the "4 times a month" are a HELL of a lot more times than a lot of kids.
I didn't have a father growing up and I coulda used one. Your son DOES need him.
Look at the big picture honey.
2006-09-25 15:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by hfacto 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be angry.
I am only concerned for the fact that your son may not be safe with his father.
If he is safe with this man- you are lucky. You already learned that you cannot count on him. Why did you "unlearn" this lesson?
Go forward and your son will figure it out on his own when he gets older. Don't speak badly of his father...it will become apparent to your son if his father stays the same, and if he doesn't and he gets better, why would you want to stop that from happening? It would only make things easier on you and your son, correct?
2006-09-25 15:35:41 · answer #7 · answered by gypsyblueyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're mad now, but it might be your son who is angry in a few years if he feels that you prevented him from seeing his father. Try to limit the time you speak to your ex but allow your son the time ordered by the courts. As he gets older he will probably figure out that his dad is a deadbeat and not want to spend a lot of time with him. But, if your son wants to be with him, you have to let him.
Having a son with this man has linked you to him for the rest of your life. He'll probably be there for all the big moments in your son's life, and it is better for your relationship with your son if you don't make a big scene over it.
2006-09-25 15:24:26 · answer #8 · answered by S. O. 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one.
I think that you need to look outside your self and focus on your son. Does he like spending time with his Dad? Do they get along? Sometimes you need to be the bigger person and learn to get along (even though he's been a jerk) to make things good for your son. Like it or not, you did have a little boy with this man. He's going to be a part of your life forever. Try to make the best of it. Also, be proud of how you have raised your son on your own. Not alot of people can do it. That alone already makes you the better person.
Good Luck!
2006-09-25 15:25:52 · answer #9 · answered by jt 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
getting mad doesn't cut it. i'd have a talk with him and tell him i appreciate the child support but money isn't enough. tell him you could use some help every now and then like picking him up from school. if he really wants to be a part of his son's life, he'll do more than just play Daddy on the weekends.
2006-09-25 15:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by Texas T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its a hard situation but for your sons sakes, you must tolerate certain things, and never bad mouth him in front of your son. Remember he is your sons father, and that's important to your son,he will find out himself one day if he wants him to be in his life, its not up to you to make that decision, only if you think he is in danger or being with him. Do not make your son choose who he wants to live with, and your actions could contribute to that.Both of you have to sit calmly and have a talk, let him know what you expect this is not about you anymore its about your son,and both of you better get your act together. Sorry that's the way I see it.
2006-09-25 15:32:14 · answer #11 · answered by lennie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋