Is grief a purely selfish thing?

Question

If so is it wrong to grieve? Should there be a time limit for it before you drive yourself crazy?

Answer 1

No, grief is not a purely selfish thing. It is not wrong to grieve. Naturally you will miss the presence of those you love.

As for a time limit--I don't think there is any rule. Allow yourself to go through the process. If you find yourself becoming stuck in one place, or even addicted to grief--which means, for lack of a good definition, being in misery for a very long period of time, and seeking to feel miserable when you feel good--then perhaps it has gone on too long at that point.

The grieving process is never completely over. People have moments of pain years after their loved ones are gone. It is natural and normal. But the intensity does relent, eventually.

Again, it is hard to tell when it is "too long." I knew a guy who openly grieved his dead daughter 15 years after her death. He mentioned it daily and wore his grief like a skin...if that makes sense to you. This seemed to be addiction to grief--and a desire to play off of the sympathy of others. That is one example of "too long"--not solely on account of the length of time, but because of the effect the person seemed to be going for.

Then again, only people know when their grief is genuine and when it has become a display.

I hope this helps. Really.

Answer 2

Wow! Is it wrong to be intensely sad? Not at all! I don't know if you are Christian or not, but Jesus grieved on multiple occasions. It is natural and is mostly born out of love for that which you are grieving (there may be something of a selfish aspect, but that's not the whole picture by any means). So, it is not wrong to love.

Should there be a limit? For your own sanity and for the good of those around you, you should eventually pull it together. No one can set a limit on the length of grieving, but you'll probably suspect when the limit is reached on your own.

I'm sorry for whatever grief you may be currently facing.

Answer 3

Grief is very personal and the bible speaks of the grief that some went through.

Jacob grieved and could not be consoled after believing that his beloved son Joseph was dead. Very personal grief and very long grieiving period.

King David grieved at the death of his infant son. Although he let God console him with the knowledge that he would someday again see and be with his son in heaven.

Even in the bible grief is different for each person. Some will grieve for a very long time and some will grieve for a seemingly short time.

Setting a time limit for greif would only set us up for failure, so I would say no, do not limit the time period, but also do nothing rash or permanet in the first few months following the death of a close loved one.

Answer 4

Everyone needs to grieve when they have lost someone close to them. Each one has to do it in their own way. Only the person it's happening to at the time can determine how they grieve. If you feel it's been to long then some counseling may help you to accept and move on. We all need time but we must remember there are still loved ones here that need us also. If it's driving you crazy then seek some professional help to cope with it. But I don't think a time limit could be put on anything that close to our hearts.

Answer 5

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's a process of coming to terms with a loss and only the person who is hurting can decide when it is over. Some people do it more quickly than others. If it is overwhelming, or people are worried about the person who is overwhelmed, it's helpful to join a grief recovery group or get grief counseling.

Answer 6

No, not wrong at all. However taken to an extreme, as many do, it can become a danger to the griever and those who love them. It can become a very selfish action. A time limit.. I think it's important to grieve as long as you need to but if it gets out of hand loved ones should step in and help.. Mental health need grief as it needs joy... Jim

Answer 7

No. as long as it takes, why should there be a time limit on grieving, for some people it takes much longer...i dont believe it is a selfish thing everyone should be allowed to grieve at least, besides it's a way of healing oneself.

Answer 8

No it is not- it is a normal part of getting over it- "they" have figured out the grieving process- Denial Anger bargaining depression acceptance.... it's natural- Go share your grief with others in the same situation! You mind is a very tricky/complex thing, hon.
Don't try to rush it, but if you feel like you can't cope, seek a professional who has studied this for years. It will help, at the very least surround yourself with positive people-
now is not the time to start letting your self go, and not take of yourself, and hold your self to your normal standards.
I love my fellow sojouners! I hope you will find peace and comfort in something positive! God Bless!~

Answer 9

it's not completely selfish, but it is about how you react to the loss. When you grieve for someone elses loss it isn't selfish, so I would think even though the grief is for your loss, it's not entirely selfish because anything that comes from love can't be all bad.

Answer 10

I look at grieving as a desire to have things in a certain way that they simply can't be. Like buddhism's 4 noble truths, suffering is caused by desire. There's not necessarily anything wrong with grieving, but if it's like a year and it still hurts like new, maybe you should seek counseling.