Well, i dont know what the hell an ultimatum is but dig this ...
The dude does drugs, he goes out the entire night while your at home with the baby, andh e doesnt call. AND YOUR ENGAGED TO THIS MAN? Come on.
You have to leave him. Its the only way. This is only a preview of whats to come in the future......good luck!
2006-09-25 06:12:48
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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It sounds as if your fiance could possibly be running away because, either he is scared of the responsibility of a new baby, or it could be that you have been upset and irritable since the baby arrived and he could be running away from you. When a new baby comes into a relationship things can change so dramatically and sometimes we don't even realise how stressed it can make us. I was like that when my son was born but I couldn't see it untill much later, once I had got used to the change. His behaviour though is still very selfish and he should be stronger and stand up to his responsibilities. Also the drug thing isn't ideal for a new baby as you know. I would try sitting him down and asking how he feels about the new situation, and why he is running away from it. If he has no answers and you cannot talk about it then I think you have to give him an unltimatum. If he is not prepared to help you in your time of need then he does not truly love you and you deserve much better. Being on your own with a child can be scary but it is much better than the alternative of living in a loveless relationship. Also being on your own gets easier as time goes by and true love is always just around the corner. Whatever you do, I empathise with your situation and hope you have a happy ending
2006-09-25 06:44:10
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answer #2
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answered by pamperpooch39 5
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Errm - you have a baby with this man. You are planning on spending the rest of your life with him but you think you should tell him to get out becuase he had one night away?
You were not sat in the house being a doormat and looking after his baby. You were at home looking after your (plural) baby and being a mum - this is what you do when you have a four week old baby.
Yes maybe you need to talk to your man. You obviously feel a bit overlooked and in need of a bit of care and romance - so you should - set a date for when baby can be left with granny or someone responsible for the tow of you to go out. Set the limits - explain why you were worried - tell him that staying out is fine but he needs to get in touch and not get into cars where the driver is drunk. (The drugs are less of an issue I think when he's not around your child because I don't see much difference between drink and drugs).
Chill, grow up a bit and start working at this relationship.
2006-09-25 06:47:03
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answer #3
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answered by Leapling 4
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No, you have every right to be upset. That is disrespectful for him to go out and spend the whole night out. When my hubby or I go out with relatives or friends, we call while we're out, but we definitely come home even if we stayed out a bit late. If you had done that to him, would he be calm and not say anything? I doubt it. He should have called you at least, there is no excuse for him not to. He or None of his buddies have cell phones? Yet, he was able to text you early the next morning. His story is off and things don't make sense. If you choose to drop this and not keep arguing with him about it, just Do NOT forget it. You need to pay attention to him. Do not let him treat you unfairly (if he would not like for you to do it to him). Do not take a lot of bull from him because you have a baby together. If he knows you'll stay and deal with all his bull because of the baby, he will walk all over you. Tell him, instead of us, that you were upset and worried. Tell him not to let it happen again. Or you will find someone to babysit and start going out and staying out all night long and see how he likes it. Also, I don't think he's ready for marriage any time soon if he's going to continue to pull those kind of stunts.
2006-09-25 06:26:18
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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1 - An ultimatum only works if you are prepared to follow it up and I doubt that you would from the picture you are painting so you are asking the wrong question at this time.
2 - You are right to be upset and he is being unfair to you.
3 - You need to realise that he is immature and explain to him that you need to know what he wants and whether or not he is able to be a caring responsible boyfriend and father. For example, do you think its right that your baby's father takes drugs and drink-drives?
4 - Once you know the answers you then need to decide if he is capable of being what you need. If you think its possible give him a chance; if not move on before it gets worse.
5 Maybe his love for you and the baby will be enough to get him to wise-up. If its not you and your child deserve better.
2006-09-25 06:38:11
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answer #5
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answered by Chilli P 1
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You need to look out for you and your baby..you two are the most important thing. You dont need someone holding you down. You shouldnt have to wait up all night waiting for up for him. It takes 2 minutes to make a phone call and what if there was an emergency with the baby, how would you get in touch with him. You really should talk to him, he has a responsiblity now and he needs to grow up a bit and realize he cant be going out all night like that. Dont jump to conclusion with where he was at, find the facts out and talk to him. If that doesnt work then give him the ultimatum.
2006-09-25 06:17:33
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answer #6
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answered by poker101 1
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I am sure there is a lot more to this........but if youfelt strong enough to ask for the advice of strangers don't you think you already know there is a problem.
To answer your question about the ultimatum, if it is that important to you than yes you should lay down the law as far as what you expect from a relationship especially one that is headed for marriage. But if you give someone an ultimatum be prepared for them to pick the option you were not hoping for.
2006-09-25 06:13:17
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answer #7
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answered by iloveezb 1
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He is selfish and immature. Do you really want more of this? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
For your baby's sake...give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't shape up immediately, run!
The only thing worse than being in a relationship like this for 10 months, is being in a relationship like this for 10 months and 1 day! Good luck, you deserve better and so does your child!
2006-09-25 06:16:13
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answer #8
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answered by mimi22 5
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Okay, let me tell you something. Of course you should be upset! Men who have respect for their girlfriends don't do things like that. It's just a fact. If he had respect for you, he would have called. Especially if you had a 4 week old baby at home. Is it his? I understand it was his birthday, but if he's a father now, he has to cut that out. I would sit him down and ask him what he wants--a party life or a family life. And make him choose. Just be prepared for the answer.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-25 06:26:17
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answer #9
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answered by still waiting 6
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Don't feel down and out honey! That just the way some men are built! If you think that you can make it on your own, you need to start fresh with your little one and tell him to kiss your a*s! Because as long as he knows that he can fill your head with a bunch of bullsh/t and you fall for it, he's just going to continue to do it. I just started dating a new guy for 1 week already. His a*s lives right next door to me. I am 13 years his senior. But so far this man has the up most respect for me. You know why? Because I let men know from the door that I don't play. If you f*ck up, I'm done! And trust me if they care anything about you, they will not f*ck up. You have to put your foot down, gain some communication, and just straight up ask him where is the relationship going? If it's not going anywhere, then you're wasting your time and his. But who actually gives a damn about his time since he's not mature enough to waste it on you? F*CK HIM! GIRL MOVE ON WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE THE WOMAN YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE!
2006-09-25 06:16:42
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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