Should I talk to my 11 year old daughter about her weight???

Question

Hi, I have twin 11-year old daughters and one is a full 12 pounds heavier than the other. Now, she doesn't seem to have any issues with her weight outwardly, but I feel it needs addressing. Having said that, I don't want to introduce a level of self conciousness where none exists, but I am just not sure. She is active and self confident, but has an excessive amount of belly flab that just hangs over the tight little shorts and sticks out of the 1 size too small shirts she wears. I mean it's a real "hanging over the waistband" roll that embarasses me when I see it exposed in public. Is that horrible of me? The only thing I have said is, "do you need me to buy you some clothes that fit?" I'm just confused on what to do, if anything. There's more to the story, but I am running out of available characters. I would welcome some open discussion and/or advice from anybody willing to lend an ear. Thanks!

Answer 1

As much as you love her, it would be best not to mention her weight or any flaws with her body shape. Daughters whose fathers emphasize their weight and appearance tend to end up with low self esteem and eating disorders. She needs to believe you love her no matter what, without any shadow of a doubt. Fathers are the ones who are supposed to find us beautiful no matter what. Better to let Mom bring up any specific problems. You can help by setting a good example with exercise and diet, not allowing junk food in the house, and buying more appropriate clothing.

Answer 2

At 11 she doesn't need an individual talking to. Don't make her feel bad or different because her body handles food different than her twins or anyone else's. But become a team that works together in getting everyone healthy. Make it a "girl" thing, like tell them that your jeans are tight and you need them to help you remember to exercise and eat better. Have them do tummy crunches with you every night or something. Get rid of the junk food. She can't eat what isn't there. But don't make the issue about your daughter. And don't ask her if she needs bigger clothes, just get them for her and get rid of the other ones. Tell her it's time to pack up for the Goodwill or something. Even if you talk to her, she can't make the necessary changes, she's only 11. So you should just step in and make the changes for her and the rest of the family together, then no one gets hurt and everyone benefits.

Answer 3

I think you need to do some research and possibly speak to her dr. At this age, and puberty, weight gain can be an issue for girls. However, DO NOT, tell her that she is heavy and embarrases you!!! That would be cruel, and would probably do the opposite. Many of the other answers were excellent! YOU are the parent that can make the changes wihtout affecting her negatively. Even if she is the only person in the home with weight issues (that seem to be extremely minimul at this point anyway) it is never too early to start eating healthy for everyone! Switch to ground turkey instead of ground beef, don't eat anything 'white' bread, pasta, sugar, etc. (bread and pasta can both be found with wheat in all stores). If you are truelly concerned than you put out the effort to make a difference in her life, without hurting her self-esteem and her feelings. Take this chance to go on nature walks or hikes together. Get a membership to a gym and make it a family thing. My kids are 8m, 4, and 7. I am working off the baby weight from my last birth, and i work out with my kids everyday. THey love it, and can't wait for 'excercise time', they never let me forget, and it is fun for us all. They love the movement and the time with me, even the baby tries to get in on the action, she is constantly trying to climb up me, and i can't do the floor excercises without her right there trying to join in. This is one of those areas in parenting where actions speak louder than words! And also words in this area can be very damaging to a young girl! please be very careful what you say! If a gym memebrship won't work, then enroll her in some dance classes, or get some dance videos and learn to dance at home together. Start going bikin with them. THere are many options out there. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't see any need for a talk at this point. perhaps you should generously take her on bike rides. Go for walks together, dance lessons would be great, don't encourage her to loose weight she is too young to be thinking about that and trust me she is already well aware of what she looks like. She probably already has a great spirit about life, keep her spirits up and out of the blue start inviting her to do activities with you or encourage her to do activities with her friends but do not hound her. She is your little girl and she will always desire to feel loved by you, besides if you singhle her out now what is to keep her from thinking that you love the other twin more. Save you and her alot of misunderstanding and heart ache, simply try to love her as best as you can and if you want to change her style of clothes encourage modesty in both of your daughters. Watch Nicholas Cage in THE WEATHER MAN, there is a scene about how the father addresses his daughters weight. Remember not everybody responds well to criticism but all respond well to love.

Answer 5

First of all she is only 11 years old wait till she starts developing, apparantly she hasn't, u don't want her to get drepessed about her wait, she is too young to understand so just leave her weight alone, if it is not an issue for her than u should just stay out of it, when she gets a little older and is still a little overweight let her be the one to tell u, dont make her feel bad over something that only bothers you.

Answer 6

I can't believe I just read a sentence where a mother admitted to being embarrassed about her child's weight. Who buys the food she eats? Who cooks her meals and packs her lunches? Maybe if you helped her make healthy decisions you would n't be so embarrased about your daughter.

Just because you have twins doesn't mean they will be exactly the same. Maybe you could offer to sign them BOTH up for an activity at the local YMCA or something so as not to ostracize you child even further.

LOVE YOUR CHILDREN!!!

Answer 7

i dont think you should say anything. There might be a problem with her weight but that is much easier to take care of then to have her feel self concious about her self which she could carry with her the rest of her life. If it bothers you maybe you could change the meals they eat or tell both your girls you need an exercise partner. You can never be in too good of shape to exercise and watch what you eat.

Answer 8

perhaps u can start off by trying cook healthier food for the whole family, encourage more activity (enroll her into sports, etc). don't have too many unhealthy snacks around, but have snacks liek veggies and fruits cuz kids do get hungry and like to munch on anything. try going for walks to the park and stuff, or invite her along when u go to the grocery, stuff like that. if that doesn't work, perhaps eventually u can tell her that u may need to start buying larger clothes sizes, because they seem a little too tight. if she says she doesn't want to, then ur gonna have nudge her to either exercise more, or eat a little less. if she doesn't mind, then go shopping w/ her, and buy some larger sizes, and continue working on fixing healthier meals and encouraging her to exercise more.

i wish my mother stopped me from eating too much; she used to force me to finish my plate, and i have that problem now. and they used to encourage me to eat more, saying "oh what a healthy girl! so good!" and then next thingi know i was huge and they called me piggy! i felt so bad. :(..so yeah...u gotta teach portion control and exercise early on. good luck~

Answer 9

I'm not a parent so I don't have the experience. But I think the best way to help her is to subtly input healthier eating and encourage her to exercise with you. If your willing to exercise than she will follow. In other words, don't directly talk with her, rather tackle this situation indirectly.

And don't put your feelings of embarassment on your daughter.

Answer 10

You are the parent, back in the day mommys and daddys would tell there children what to wear, how to act,what not to wear,how not to act. But times aint the same, well times are the same, the acepted way of raising children is in doubt. Why would a parent even have to ask themselves, is this horrible of me? Not discussing and telling a child is horrible. And it doesnt take a commmitee of peers to allow a parent to tell a child to behave. That is called good parenting. There are extremes to everything. Choose the best that you are allowed to for you and pass the information on to your children. You have to teach them now. I am happy my parents did and I thank them every day, I didnt then, but I knew EVERYTHING. least I thought I did.