My Family being torn apart?

Question

i have been divorced since 96 and had custody of my kids and remarried to another guy for 9 yrs now my ex had the kids for the summer and now filed for custody of the kids but he is a single dad an never home and my kids came home from there this summer bad kids and they was always very good kidsso far i won custody back till dec.they had to much freedom this summer and was out of control. my son curses (17) my daughter (14) hangs with boys a no no at my house and acts like she is a gangster. my son is doing better home now that he is on medicine which he wasnt given at his dads. my husband now has raised these kids and was very close to them but now they have no respect for him. and he says it hurts . he feels like a nobody now. they always wants us to buy them things if we dont they say their dad will then. and that hurts.

Answer 1

That is so sad..and so typical in many divorced families. I applaud you for wanting to fight to keep your kids where you can be sure they are safe, cared for and supervised. It sounds like it is may also be time to go into family counseling with the kids, yourself and your current husband. This will give you a chance to hear what the kids are thinking and feeling and to express your own hurt in a safe, neutral enviroment. At the same time, do not change the rules, expectations and reprecussions that have been the norm in your house. It will be tough, but giving in to unreasonable demands that would never have been considered before will not make things better for anyone.

Finally, you may want to take a few sessions for yourself and your husband. Your children are of an age that the judge may allow them to choose where they wish to live. Your son will be 18 shortly and at that point will not need the court's permission to move in with his father. It may happen that they choose to go with him. Take some time to emotionally prepare for that real possibility (as much as any loving mother could be prepared) and to be able to let your children know that no matter who they live with, you will always love them and be there for them. My bet is if they do go with their father, the reality of life with an uninvolved parent will wear thin eventually and they will realize the best place is with you.

Answer 2

Time to sit the family down and have a chat. You and your husband need to do some preparation for this conversation. What you want as an end result is for the kids to acknowledge that while having total freedom at Dad's is wonderful, the people who were doing the right things for them are sitting in front of them. (So write things you may not remember to say down. Have these notes with you.)
You're not going to get far without their cooperation. And you've got two different kids from the ones that left in the beginning of the summer now. They are so much wiser and have had a taste of independence. Have them write down at this family pow-wow what it was that they really liked about being at Dad's. (Didn't need permission to go out, come and go as you please, make decisions for themselves). Evaluate with them whether or not this is a reasonable thing for a person in their age group. Unemotionally. They know. Tell them you are willing to allow them to make responsible decisions on their behalf as long as they do not jeapordize their health, safety, or grades. Tell them they should let you know where they will be and what time you can expect them home. Gotta sleep sometime, and mom can't sleep if she's worrying whether or not you're alive. Incorporate calling in. They can touch base if plans are changed, or you just need to be reassured they're still alive. Explain to them that you need to trust that neither of them will cause injury to your child, even if that child is themselves. Help them decide what they expect to happen after high school. Are they just going to Dad's to mooch or are they going to grow into independent persons? Tell your children all the great things you see in them and how those characteristics will translate into creating independent people. Kids want to succeed. They need your approval. Approach them with respect. Give them a chance to show you just how well you have raised them. They'll come through.

Answer 3

Boy oh boy do I ever feel for both you and your husband. Kids can be so cruel, and left to their own devises will grow up and make the whole world pay. Okay all is not lost, first thing you need to do is get a tight rein on them, let them know their behavior will not be tolerated. kids need limits and appreciate it, okay, sounds as if both were testing you and these limits, that's not unusual at all. It's going to take a lot of love to get your family back the way it was, but love can conquer all...good luck

Answer 4

Your house your rules! Give it a little time! they need to settle back in! Kids this age will always try and push your buttons!!! I'm sure you and your husband feel sad right now! Be strong and support each other! You will win this battle!!! You have done nothing wrong!!! The kids are just trying to play you!

Answer 5

have you talked to your ex yet? I would and tell him how you feel,and if he don't listen go and get you a lawyer, there's not much you can do without one, it's a hard thing to deal with in life, my husband's ex has nothing to do with the kids, and when she ever does comes to see them, she's like do what ever,it don't matter, so its' a very hard thing to deal with, don't let it get to you that much, cause as long as they hurt you, is as long as they will try harder to do it, the one that has them everynow and then don't realize how much time and love exacutally goes into a family, but good luck

Answer 6

Religions are actually not something better than a chestnut for individuals to seize onto of their ailment-brought about rants. the 2nd religions are long gone (no longer likely as that is) they'll purely seize onto something else to do the right comparable element. you may bypass away religions on my own and manage the real undertaking - undiagnosed psychological ailment. Do you somewhat have faith the absence of religion will make one iota of distinction to the sum of human suffering? additionally, whether i'm no longer non secular anymore and (many times) relish my life with out one, i'm mature sufficient to renowned that religions traditionally have performed extra to maintain households mutually than they couldpersistent them aside. consistent with probability you may element that serious finger inward at your self and ask what's ingesting you approximately non secular people who *do no longer* have their households torn aside? Like why might you think of choosing a faith in and of itself as being unacceptable on your u . s .? Do you no longer be attentive to what number social ills non secular institutions have lifted human beings out of? What in the journey that your loved ones is tormented by ability of somewhat materialistic self-serving persons and the only sturdy you will possibly typical on your life become with the aid of fact a faith lifted you up, observed you or saved your life? might it make experience then? don't be so hasty to deal out loss of life and judgment. Even the very clever can no longer see all ends. for many individuals, faith (or extra wisely the spirituality that is housed interior of it) gives you enduring teachings in springing up one's ethical compass, in prodding one to social paintings and community progression, and gives you teachings of convenience in despairing situations. till all of us become professional counselors and the excellent coaches to ourselves, that is totally achievable that a individual might %. a faith over their family participants, somewhat if the family participants is tormented by ability of problems that the guy can no longer clean up. i think of you may relax and remember the undemanding deception that all human beings thinks their way of thinking is the generally occurring.

Answer 7

give it some time itll work out. hey maybe even their change in behavior could work to your advantage in gaining custody for good.