Is it bad that I feel happy when the step kids go back to their moms?

Question

It is always the same when they are around. My husband is always uptight because he has to constantly correct his kids, who talk back and lie to him. Last night my husband and his 16 yr old boy got into a fight because the boy didn't want his father correcting his 14 yr old sister.
The boy calls his Dad an idiot to me. I can't stand to be around cuz they are so direspectful. They treat their mom the same but she doesn't seem to care. I have been with their Dad since they were 8 and 10, and I never thought it would be like this. I don't know what to do.

he is a loving father, and we do lots of things together.

Answer 1

OMG!!! At first I thought I had written a question and didn't remember doing it! They are 9 and 8, though. I have the same feeling..dread before they come over, disgust while they are there, and relief when they leave. Each time they come its like they have no recollection of the "house rules" from last time. They have no manners, they are disrespectful to everyone, they are unappreciative, and they "tell stories" to their mom when they go home. The girl (9) is worse. Also the mother, I use that term very loosely, has no respect of others as well....she will purposely send them to our house with lice and tell them not to let us know they have the bugs. It has gotten to the point that is the first thing that is done when they come over.
No...it is not bad that you feel that way....and you are not alone.

Answer 2

I know the feeling.... I am in the same situation.. They have no respect for anyone in the family. all i can do is tell the mother that is not right. and let it go. i see 3 and 4 hour arguments go on. mother gives into everything. i have even brought up counseling.Have been told that i do not agree with her parenting skills and i told her no i really do not agree. Then was informed i was the psychotic one....... . Now so bad they are going through court system because of there behavior. Now counseling is going to happen... will be a slow process hope That we can learn from it...... and they do not head down the road that leads them to there own self destruction.. all i seem to be able to do is just be there when i am needed. and pray for the best.. Only way i hold my own sanity.Oh and repair all the broken things. in and around the house.....Nobody in the house reprimands anyone. that makes me wonder who is the parent,, and who is the child......
You have a tought road ahead of you. all that can be said is have a loving heart and remember why you are with him in the first place......

Answer 3

How do you think the children feel? Blended families can be a lot of confusion and chaos. The children are acting out and it is your husband responsibility to maintain order in his family. Maybe it is time for a family meeting or counseling. They may harbor a lot of resentment toward their father for the divorce. This is not uncommon. Imagine the life of a child having to be carted from home to home. Everything has to be about the children. If your husband is unfair to the children in discipline then they are going to rebel. Your husband must ask himself is being fair when he is disciplining the children or just irritated and bothered that they are their for the visit. How about doing some family fun stuff together? The children might just need a loving father right now.

It is time to get the family in order. Something is out of sync.

Answer 4

Sounds like they are just going through that teenage thing. Maybe it will get better as they get older, but don't bank on it. My son has three sets of kids from three different marriages. They have come and gone. Three are grown, and they get along ok, but one is more with his mother than his dad. The girls from another marriage was ok until they got to be teenagers, and now completely almost with their mom. The little twins and only very young, so they will be ok, for awhile. What I am trying to say, is that when st ep kids get to a certain age, whether they are step kids or not, they will get testy, and sassy. It is just a fact of life, and the only ones who like a teenager is another teenager. Good luck.

Answer 5

You are at a difficult age where kids and parents are concerned, the fact that you are a step mom will make it all the more difficult. Allow your husband to be the disciplinarian, unfortunately you would do best to let him handle them for now. Yes participate in activities with them but be more of a silent observer when it comes to them being rude to either of their parents.
There are his kids and are there to stay, so much else can't be done.

Answer 6

It sounds like the dad needs to set boundaries a bit better. Even though they aren't with him all the time, they should have respect and follow rules. They are old enough that I'd recommend that he sit down with them, together or separate or both, whichever he thinks will work best, and just talk to them about their behavior and what they think is causing them to act/feel this way. At their ages, they'll probably feel more respected if they're not pointed fingers at, but actually talked to and have a real discussion. I wouldn't worry about how they treat their mom, what she requires from them is her choice and her business. But you can require different behavior when they are with you and their dad. Also make sure you're not giving them privileges or items they haven't earned. Like if they're being difficult, refuse the cell phone and let them know they'll get it back with an apology (a real one) or after a week of being respectful. Make them earn their privileges even if they're not with you much. If their time with their dad is like a mini-vacation with unlimited use of electronics and endless gifts, they'll take advantage of that real quick. You won't be able to do much of the discipline, as their biological dad needs to be the one to step up for the most respect. But you can be his energy and motivation, and someone to talk to and lean on when it's hard and frustrating. He likely will feel guilty and overprotective of the kids, and that's always hard when it's time for discipline. But it's harder on him than the kids, they need boundaries and to learn respect and responsibilities. And if their mom isn't going to step up, then he needs to. Also, if you truly feel happy when they go back to their mom's, I'm sure they can sense it. Since they're kids, that's a huge thing, not being wanted or accepted. Even if they're being disrespectful, they need to feel accepted. I know it's hard for you, but these are children, and they should never feel unwanted. If you are giving them this impression, then you are probably a major part of the problem. I'm not saying that you're a bad person for this, it's normal to be impatient with other people's children. But since you're married to their father, you're part of the family, and how you feel has a huge bearing on their lives and self esteem. Most kids just want to be liked, even if they don't act that way. So maybe you need to acknowledge how your feelings are affecting the situation. Is this something you can work on yourself, or maybe you need help, but don't let it go on. I'd say your husband and you have some work to do, and it's up to you as you're the adults. It's not the kids responsibility to teach themselves how to be respectful people. But how they are taught and treated as kids is how they are going to bring up their own family.

Answer 7

You did not spoil your mom's marriage. even if you've been out-of-line in the way you spoke on the doorstep-dad AND interior the situation of those denims (you could imagine they're ok yet they offer guy's undesirable recommendations about you and your morals), you're in worry-free words a toddler. the doorstep-dad is an man or woman and a marine. If he doesn't understand a thanks to address a teenage lady appropriately, he should not be interior the service. truly he won't be able to anticipate to address you interior a similar way and with a similar language as he would a fellow marine. He change into incorrect to assert what he did to you or maybe as your mom stated as a halt to it, he change into very disrespectful on your mom. this suggests the doorstep-dad has an anger administration situation and that is his fault, no longer your's and under no circumstances your mom's. If he hasn't come domicile, it really is a strong ingredient even if if it does make your mom unhappy. adult men with anger administration issues should be violent and the perfect position you desire this guy to be is at your position of residing with you and your mom (especially in view that he's a marine and has a gun). Please do not pass searching for him and do not attempt to call him on the cellular telephone as you'll in worry-free words make issues worse. it really is an man or woman remember so please depart this to the adults. and do not agonize about him. he's a marine and he can seem after himself. And trust me, his base knows the position he as as he received't probability going awol. right this moment, the in worry-free words ingredient you could do is convenience your mom and get rid of those denims. you received't trust it yet trust me, they're trashy and in the journey that they disillusioned your mom, they don't seem to be nicely worth it. In ten years time, you'll favor you had gotten rid of them so please, do it on your mom. Take care.

Answer 8

They are teenagers, pretty good birth control too arent they!?!?!?!?!
This sounds very typical, girls get alot worse after age 11 and dont get better til around 17 or so.
Boys, well, they usually get better as they get older, bad around 2-4 and then get easier.
Pray about it.

Answer 9

It sounds like you need a vacation.
It also sounds like if you want to be less stressed you need to have a disscussion with your husband about discipline and harmony in your house.

Answer 10

No, it's not bad at all. Every day, I wish I could send my kids to a stepmother:-)