How on earth can I get him to tidy his room??

Question

My 8 yr old boy won't tidy his room. I've tried making a game of it, taking toys/computer games away and bribery. Nothing seems to work, anyone got any ideas???

Answer 1

Flylady.net might have some good suggestions. It has helped me and my family. My suggestion is that it is your house so your rules must apply. Maybe he's ADD like I am and has difficulty focusing on one task for too long. Try short "secret missions." That worked on my kids, and with training they have come a long way. He will come along, too. Also remember that one learns by example, if he sees (and helps to make) the rest of the house in order he may get the room done too.

I have explained to my 6yo daughter that we are a family which means we are a team. I may not get everything done if I have to do her work too, so I need her help. My 3 yo has heard the speech and is learning to pick up and put away his toys too.

If it doesn't work you could clean his room for him and remove the things that were scattered and out of place, he can earn them back by keeping his room orderly, when you make a random room check (once to 3 times a week) he can earn one thing back. The stuff can go in a trash bag in the garage or storage area...

Answer 2

I do not have that problem, my 3 year old picks up his room and his toys that end up in the living room and in my room. If he gets mad and throws things, which he has done in the past. I take whatever he has thrown, I put it on top of the fridge and he does not get it back till he can be nice and listen to me. You can try taking all of the things enjoys doing away from him, till he can show you he can keep his room clean, I do agree, with some of the comments that have been made. It is his room, but it does need to stay tidy. Yes I am a clean freak, but have slacked off a whole bunch since my little one has started walking. We still have a very clean house, just his room needs to be tidyed up and we do this once a week. Good luck!

Answer 3

Set things up so that it's easier for him to tidy up. I use shoeboxes clearly labelled for each type of toy - animals; lego; bionicles; cars; and so on. The lids are labelled too. I use bookshelves to store them on, as well as all the books. Each big toy has its own "home" and the computer games are all stacked up in their cases in a particular place.
If the toys are thrown about, it only takes a few minutes to throw them into the relevant boxes. The rule for games is when one goes into the machine, the one that comes out is put in its case and stacked with the others. The rule at night is that all the remotes and leads must be stored in their homes, and the floor must be clear. Clothes get put in the laundry basket as soon as they're taken off, and rubbish goes in the bin.
I also go through the room every three months to declutter games, toys and wardrobe.
This works most of the time for me, my son is nine... but sometimes I do have to be around so he doesn't get distracted. I wouldn't expect an eight or nine year old to be able to stick at it for more than five or ten minutes, so the no-fail system is necessary.

Answer 4

Rules. No following of the rules means no privileges. When I was young and Saturday rolled around, I was not allowed to step foot out of the house until my chores were done and either my mother or father checked to make sure they were done right. My room had to be clean - bed made and dirty clothes, toys, etc. had to be picked up.

If I didn't do my chores I was not allowed to go outside and ride bikes with my friends, or go hang out or go on any outings. I had to stay in my room, no tv until it was clean. Why would it ever be acceptable for an 8 year old, or any child to not do what you've told him to do? Listen to yourself...he "won't tidy his room." Why does he believe he has a choice? Have you made this debatable?

Children need structure and they need to know that YOU are the parent,YOU pay the bills, YOU take care of them and everybody in the house has to contribute. The way they can contribute is to do chores. This teaches a child responsibility. If you don't fulfill your responsibility then there are consequences. The consequence of not doing chores is you don't get to go do what you like to do. You have to be consistent too. You can't give in if they cry or have a tantrum or yell about how much they "hate you."

Teaching a child about responsibility and consequences are invaluable lessons they will need in life. When you are inconsistent or you fail to teach them these lessons then don't be surprised when they become teenagers and your problems with them are tenfold.

Answer 5

My boys are now 18 and 17. Bribery is not going to work, threats are not going to work.

I would require a once a week cleaning/straightening. We did it on Saturday mornings. Nothing fun would happen until it was done. We were often late to ball games and such, but it did work, eventually. We had a chart of what was expected, like trash cans emptied, bed made, dirty clothes in hamper...

You can try for daily bed-making, too. And you can make any allowance dependent upon it being done.

Good luck.....and to just let you know, we still require a weekly cleaning and the battle still wages, but now instead of allowance, we use car keys.

Answer 6

My boys share a room, 9 and 5. I have found out that none of those things work either... BUT, I give them an hour on Saturdays... If they are playing or there is no progress, I threaten to bring in the "bag". I give them another 30 mins and in I come... I grab a trash bag and they have to beat me. If I get it, it goes in my trash bag and gets put up (until I decide they deserve it back) or if they get it, it has to be put up where it goes... It took a few times of me doing this, but they dont argue much anymore when time to clean....and my strategy going in there was.. aim for the cheap happy meal toys or dollar store toys... those they normally didnt ask for back and I accomplished getting rid of some stuff...lol Gotta make it productive too...Good luck, I think this will forever be a problem with parents and kids.

Answer 7

My wife got a brush and swept everything into the middle of the room and told the children to pick up what they wanted to keep, and if they didn't it would all go into the bin, they thought she wouldn't do it, she did after going back in and finding it all still there and them playing with other toys. They kept their room tidy after that as they knew what would happen. ps. she put them all in a plastic bin bag and they got their toys back after almost a week when she saw them trying to keep room tidy. the shock done it.

Answer 8

You need to try the old fasioned way, which worked for us and it worked on me too. To put it bluntly, you kick his ****!!!!!
It is because of all these new ideas about not "slapping" the kids, and I don' t mean "knocking the daylights out of them" we have all the problems now. There's no penalty anymore, none that they can feel, anyway. and it needs to be something they feel, in the end they get the message. I only got the cane once at school, I didn't go back for more. But then I'm considered old fashioned.. but the old ways worked, same as the 3 R's did. best wishes.tw

Answer 9

my son's 24 and his room is still a mess nothing has ever worked, i close the door now and forget its part of the house, sometimes he will half clean it but never manages to complete it, we usually give it a deep clean when he goes on holiday only to see it go downhill 2 weeks later once he is home. i;ve threatened him with everything even told him we found a cockroach, but he wasn't even bothered, so have given up, just cant wait until he moves out and i can turn it into my lovely clean office, but until then you should just enjoy him as a person and hope he turns into a respectable Young adult like my son, although not great at the cleaning he has a great trade a great job lovely girlfriend and never brought me any troubles [except housework] so i live with that and think in today's world I'm quite lucky to have a son that only just doesn't look after his room.

Answer 10

My daughter has a very small room. It is necessary for safety sake for her to keep her things off the floor. I do two things. If her clothes are not in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. A couple of times of her running out of underpants and not being able to find her favorite shirt cured her of leaving dirty clothes on the floor. The second is the toys, I give her the option of cleaning it herself or me cleaning it. If I clean it, everything on the floor goes into a black bag. When she has kept her room clean for two weeks, she gets the bag and can take care of the things in it. If she does not, I get the bag, sort out the garbage and the rest goes to charity.

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