My boyfriend is having trouble coming out...he is still in high school and I have just graduated. He is very afraid what everyone else thinks. He is kind of part of the in crowd at school and was made fun of all through out middle school about how he seemed like he was gay. Things have gotten better for him now that he's in high school and doesn't want to fall back into that slump again. He is also afraid of what his parents think of him...his mom and step dad (whom he lives with) both have told him they have no problem with people who are gay and told him that if he was they would love and treat him just the same. For instance...when my sister brings over friends from school he wants to leave because he's afraid of being himself around me when they are here and think they would asume that he was gay, because he hangs out with me. (I've already come out). How do I get him to feel more comfortable in his own skin...I love him and don't want to break this off...Please Help
2006-09-25 05:50:17 · 20 answers · asked by Robby N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you all for you help!! It means alot
2006-09-25 06:09:29 · update #1
Okay...someone else just stated the fact that chances are...alot of people already know...what if someone does know...should I let my boyfriend keep thinking that they don't? and have him being all scared that they might find out when they are already okay with the fact that he may be gay? Or should I say "this person most likely knows and you shouldn't feel so uncomfortable around them"
2006-09-25 06:13:16 · update #2
Coming out is something that will be very hard for him. If you can help him with your experience, then do so. Its like self confidence, it will take a long time to build up. however, high school kids are vindictive and can be very predjudiced. Be there to support him even when he is depressed or feeling sad, and try and make him more confortable to be himself, if he already does this around you then thats a good step, so perhaps try going out with him in public in areas that you know there will be nobody you know to build up his self confidence in himself and who he is. Dont compare him to youself "i did it, why cant you?" etc as this will just make him unsure and scared. But overall, he will be ready when he is, so support him through it all.
2006-09-25 05:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cannot be pushed into it. It is quite a step for someone of his age. I guess at any age it would be difficult. You could push him away if you try to hard. Just take him to gay clubs, where he can feel comfortable being with you. And let him hide it whe he feels uncomfortable. Then he will know that he can trust you completly! It will change. Just give him time. Rememeber, the best relationships are the ones who come out of friendships. Do you know why that is? Because you have astablished the trust part already. So allow him to feal safe with you first. Help him keep his secret if he wishes. Be patient!!
2006-09-25 12:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by angela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People have to come out on their own, that way it's honest and not forced. Unfortunately, I waited several years after graduation, and part of that was wanting to be sure I was outside of my house so things didn't get too thick. Also keep in mind what type of culture he belongs to.
Your love can support him, but not push him, the best thing for him is to show him that you are there for him. Since the day we are born, we have expectations placed on us, and for some people, it's a stronger weight and harder to push off. We all do it at different levels. Good luck to you both, and congradulations.
-Angel
2006-09-25 12:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by prasino_5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best solution is to surround yourself with people who are open minded and accepting. There isn't anything better than having a great support system in place to boost confidence. Don't rush him... give him time to catch up with you. He's a year younger? Knowing that you should be able to support him in some of the stuff that you went thru in HS that he's going thru now.
2006-09-25 12:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by tampico 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pressures of adult life are looming in your boyfriends near future. Allow him this last few months of peace to enjoy his senior year before forcing him to confront society. Post high school acceptance is much easier than high school acceptance. The world really is different after high school. Don't push it, he will come out when he is ready. He is not denying who he is, he just doesn't want his life to be a living hell because of narrow minded bigotry- Give him a break- can you really blame him?
2006-09-25 12:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well Probably he is still scare give him sometime talk to him express how you feel and together well finda solution I know is not going to be easy but you guys can do it together if you care some much about him give him some space letting him know that u are there for him. if you dont remember Highschool and the pier pressure is very untolerant and well give him some slack I hope soon u guys can find a way to be together and free.
2006-09-25 12:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes not ready. Just keep loving him. He does not feel comfortably in his own skin and he has to accept how he is. He also has to learn to love EVERYTHING about himself and not just what other people will like.
2006-09-25 13:01:33 · answer #7 · answered by Betty Bee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
high school is so much stress on 'fitting in' than anything in life. it's like a full time job to try and be liked by everyone (except for a few who dont care). he sounds like one who cares. i've had 2 male friends who came out of the closet their SR year. I couldnt have been more proud of their courage, but OTHER jocks and assholes in the school tried making them regret living. One dropped out of high school and the other graduated and moved to boston Mass. they say they are glad they came out but they regret coming out in high school. Maybe he should wait until he is out of high school or is ready for everyone to know before he is openly gay. I know it must be fustrating for u but he needs time. If u love him enough u can handle waiting for him. to make him comfortable in his own skin, go out on the weekends to gay bars. introduce him to openly gay people and have them share their "getting out of the closet experiences and if it was worth it" etc...
2006-09-25 13:01:25 · answer #8 · answered by clueless_idiot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should swim in your own cesspool and let him make his own decisions about what and when. Unless he is a complete zero he might grow out of this stage and want to put it all behind him!! in the future so back off a bit and let him breath.
2006-09-25 12:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As long as u want to continue your relationship and ur happy with ur relationship, he has to figure things out for himself. Be there, love him, support his decisions, and it will come full circle the way that its suppose to. Good luck!
2006-09-25 12:56:16 · answer #10 · answered by Krissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋