I just realized that it is ME that ruins my relationships. And I can't figure out how to stop doing what I do. When I start getting really close to someone I nitpick and destroy the loving relationship. Everything can be going great and I get grouchy over something very small and insignificant like ... Yesterday we were eating breakfast and instead of him sitting and talking with me when he finished he got right up and started working on trimming trees, raking and splitting wood. He normally talks with me and he wasn't trying to be rude. He simply was trying to hurry and get the work done so we could have a pleasant afternoon together relaxing and doing what we wanted. And I got my feeilngs hurt and let him know I was aggrivated at him for disrespecting me. WHAT?! Am I crazy? This is not my normal behavior so why do I do things of this nature when everything if going great? It is senseless and causes trouble in my relationships. Please help me understand and change. Thanks.
2006-09-25 05:05:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Also when I nitpick... even though I know I'm wrong I can't seem to get out of my funk feeling. And I wish I could.
2006-09-25 05:05:55 · update #1
I do the same thing. I think it is because it's my way of pushing them away so they can't get close enough to hurt me. I only start to nitpick when I'm developing strong feelings for them. And it scares the sh*t out of me. SO in order to protect myself, I start in on them. It sounds weird I know, but I'm scared of falling for guys. I always get hurt. So along with that and due to past issues, I also think I may have a fear of commitment. SOund familiar?
2006-09-25 05:10:38 · answer #1 · answered by T.G. 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow...what divergent answers so far. I don't think professional help is needed just yet. You can help yourself for the most part and I think that may be part of the problem. Don't look outside for help. Look within. Have confidence in yourself and you will not see the actions of others as an attack first. Have confidence and trust in a relationship first and the same will follow. There are many self-help books on relationships and ego boosting.
I was insecure for a long time. Now my current wife can leave for a week on business and I don't flip out.
2006-09-25 12:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by RJ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are looking for attention in anyway and maybe you didnt get enough of it . It seems to that if things are not under your control , you have to sabtoge it to regain control . You just have to take a look at your self and see what trigers those emotions that come outof you. Maybe you just need to be less uptight and relax. Also , if you want something from anyone , the best way to obtain it is to ask. Sometimes that all that you to do . When the flare ups happen, step back for a moment and observe the situation.
2006-09-25 12:17:28 · answer #3 · answered by dramaqueen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is simple, you fear a long and lasting relationship. You internally fear that he will hurt you, so when you feel that you are getting to close and he is getting to the point where you can really be hurt, you start to drive them away. You feel if you drive them away, you are the one that gets to do the leaving and you never risk getting hurt. I see it a lot and it is something that you need to work out, because it will ruin every relationship you ever try to get in. He sounds like a hard working and kind man from what you have said and you need help. You have to trust him with your heart and you are afraid to, get some counseling, it will help and he sounds like he is worth it.
2006-09-25 12:12:32 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In this case you are not nitpicking. You wanted your guy to stay at the table a little longer.
You felt abandoned. Do you feel like that alot? Do you think you are nitpicking when you ask for things?
I think your definition of nitpicking is wrong.
2006-09-25 12:11:16 · answer #5 · answered by brian k 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can I know my mind?
An alert mind is not a problem; an unaware mind is. The mind projects the future to be fulfilling but misses the beauty of the present. If you are rich, you want to be richer; if you are strong, you want to be stronger; if you are beautiful, you want to be more beautiful. Such a mind does not make you live life but leave life.
Such a mind creates false prayers. You make a ritual out of prayer and pretend to pray. Such prayer becomes an empty gesture.
Why am I so greedy?
There is a visible world and there is an invisible world. There is a visible self and an invisible self. The visible world is a world of diversity and the invisible world is a world of oneness.
If we live on the periphery we will feel incomplete but completeness is one’s nature. This incompleteness wants us to be a complete person. But the only track it knows is greed, wanting more. The enlightened masters give us not a dogma but a device to reach this state of completeness.
We should stop fooling around with life. Just thinking to be happy is not enough; just thinking to be wise is not enough. It is a luxury to think but it is wisdom to live. Ask yourself: Are you concerned with reality or fantasy?
There are two ways to know reality. If you want to know objective reality, then science is the way out. If you want to know subjective reality, turn to spirituality.
Why does one worry in life ?
Worry has become a habit for many. An inner energy that is not creative goes around in circles of worry. A creative person is one who, when he encounters a problem, is focused on the solution and is not a victim to the problem. Convert the problem into a springboard for possibilities.
A doctor does not cure illness but allows the healing process within to surface by giving it the right condition. So, too, the true healer exists within you. But you have to create the right condition. By looking at the mountain you can’t climb the mountain, you should will yourself to climb the mountain. Optimise this will for you to be above worry.
What should one do to be successful in life?
Ultimately what you need is self-confidence, mental toughness, commitment to excel and the ability to use the power of imagination.
What do you mean by self-confidence?
There are three pillars of self-confidence: Feeling good, taking responsibility and developing skills. There are both healthy ways and unhealthy ways of feeling good. You should develop the discipline to feel good in a healthy way. The quality of one’s life is the quality of one’s consistent feeling. There are techniques that are taught how to hold and maintain consistent feelings of empowerment within you.
How does one acquire clarity?
Clarity is acquired not by knowledge but by knowing. It is not a belief system; it is intelligence operating in the domain of freedom. The true meaning of renunciation is not renouncing the world but renouncing bondage. When bondage is renounced there is freedom, the most important thing. In freedom lies intelligence. It is not just discipline but true freedom. Freedom is not something devoid of order; it is a flowering of order
2006-09-25 12:07:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Learning to control your emotions can be very difficult but not impossible. I seems your are very alert when it comes to knowing what is right and what is wrong, now it's a matter of having the will power to control your emotions.
Remember you control your emotions, don't let your emotions control you. Remember you are an adult.
2006-09-25 12:27:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know you are doing it, stop yourself. Think before you speak and think about what it is you are getting irritated about. only you can stop yourself from doing something. You either are tryin to find something wrong or just actually feel disrespect. The first step is that you know you are doing that. The second is to stop yourself. No one else can make you do anything.
2006-09-25 12:12:26 · answer #8 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wish I knew the answer to your question, then I could figure out why my last girlfriend acted the same way. Good luck!
2006-09-25 12:08:52 · answer #9 · answered by Road Trip 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, I do the same thing! I just try to rationalize with myself before I open my mouth, I will get over it in a couple of hours .. I know how you feel, I hate being this way too, but its hard to help..
2006-09-25 12:09:14 · answer #10 · answered by ~Kim~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋