Ladies, I was wondering After having a child What turns you off about sex?
The only reason I ask is because my fiance just had a baby boy 7 months ago. And now she is saying that sex is overrated and if she doesn't have sex then she will be happy because all she wants is me.
What makes you ladies have sex right after the 6 week period of waiting but then get turned off of sex right after?
2006-09-25 05:04:38 · 17 answers · asked by The Plague 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It's a little bit of everything: hormones (which can lower your sex drive, cause you to have vaginal dryness [which can actually make sex painful for women], as well as about a billion other things), fatigue/tiredness from taking care of a newborn every day (laundry, feeding, middle of the night bottles, etc.), and/or the sheer newness/excitement of having a new baby. This is especially true for first time moms. Everything is so new and different now, and your lives will never be the same.
My sex drive returned about six or 8 months after having my kids, but it's still not up to where it was. Things change after you have a baby, and you just realize that there are more important things to life than sex. You have a child now--a living, breathing, needy little baby. It makes everything else very small in comparison.
It's not that your fiancee doesn't love you (sounds like she does since she said she wants you), but she (and you too, I'm sure!) have a huge responsibility now with your infant, and your son is number one, first on her list of priorities right now.
2006-09-25 05:35:35 · answer #1 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey, I am SO tired. All the time. Every night try waking up every three hours and never getting fully rested. Do that for months and months on end. Then spend all of your daytime holding a child, calming a child, trying to get a child to sleep. When I finally have a few moments, I'm not thinking about sex. I'm thinking I need every second to just decompress, focus on myself and veg out. Sex is great and all, but requires more work than I'm sometimes willing to put in when I'm so exhausted all the time. It may seem silly to you, but try doing things to make your fiance less tired--wash dishes, do laundry, do some of the work that makes her so tired. Acknowledge that taking care of the baby is hard work and you admire her for it and value what she does. Maybe that will help.
2006-09-25 11:06:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many women go through the same thing. We also think that the baby is much more important than sex or our partners so I'm sorry for saying, I don't blame her for saying that. Men seem to think that their sex drive is the most important thing in the world but in reality, to a new mom, it's not. You're going to have to be understanding and know that this is a huge change for her emotionally, hormonally and physically. You don't come first to her right now. Give her time, lots of it, and be kind and understanding. The nicer you are the sooner she may get her sex drive back. If you're demanding it may go away for ever.
2006-09-25 05:12:06 · answer #3 · answered by i have no idea 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually exhaustion.... Constantly taking care of another human being that is totally and completely dependant on you is exhausting... With worrying about each and ever decision and how that decision will effect the child for life, worrying about nutrition and when to potty train, when to get rid of the bottlee, when to find time to get a shower, when to introduce new foods, what to intruduce.. and so on...
Yes all mothers worry about these types of problems and whether or not they are being a good mother... When you think about it , it's pretty exhausting especially for a first time mother (a rookie)... After a couple children (Or a few years) mom's are veterans and take things more in stride instead of worrying about each and every thing...
Maybe you can help your fiance by telling her what a good job she is doing, play the support staff (Help with dishes, laundry, put the baby to bed once a week so your fiance can take a nice hot bath (Buy her some scented bath products) and a sexy (not slutty) negligee and robe to wear after her bath... While she is in the bath get the baby to bed, put on some soft music, light a few candles, make a simple yet romantic meal (crackers, meat, cheese, and grapes... all foods you can feed to your fiance in nice bite sized bits) Tell her how beautiful she is and how you know she works hard, offer her a back or foot massage (use scented lotion to match the bath product scent)... Watch a "Chick Flick" oohhh and Ahhh at the appropriate parts (And for god sakes don't scream "Just decide biatch you know you want to throw him on the table and screw him just get o with the sex dayum it" at the screen)
Should the baby fuss you immediately get up and handle it change the diaper, feed the baby... what ever is needed to not break the mood you have set..
Once your fiance feels relaxed sexy and in the mood things will progress naturally to making love... And note I said Making love not having sex... One gives the impression of romance, tenderness and mutual pleasure... The other gives the impression of rutting around having sweaty pig sex... Both are fun in thier proper times at this time with your fiance you want to make love and remake the connection you once had... Sweaty pig sex comes later...
2006-09-25 05:26:35 · answer #4 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With a new baby a woman is very tired, so if this is the only time that she gets to sleep, than she'd rather be sleeping than having sex. Trust me current mother of 3 and one more one the way.
After each child its the same thing. Once she's getting back into the swing of things your sex life should pick back up. But until then be patient.
Try allowing her to nap while you take care of the baby, this may increase her energy level. Also make sure she's eating the right kind of "energy" foods to keep her pep up.
Good luck!
2006-09-25 05:13:14 · answer #5 · answered by mtcmmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am guessing that she is breastfeeding? Even if she isn't she still has some hormones left over from pregnancy. Hormones screw you up! I didn't have a sex drive until after I weaned the kids. Then it was back full force. Also, the idea of getting pregnant again could be a turn off.
2006-09-25 09:01:09 · answer #6 · answered by Steph. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she needs to have you help her to feel sexier. Try doing things that might lead to sex but doesn't necessarily end in sex. Try cuddling and compliment her no strings attached. Another reason is her hormones are still out of whck esp. if she is breastfeeding. It can take two to three years before a womans body is back to "normal". If it gets too bad a doctor might be able to help or even some counseling. Just hang in there.
2006-09-25 05:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by Christina W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being tired all the time...emotionally drained and physically unable to comes to mind...
plus a relationship sometimes becomes something more when sex is not the main priority, making the couple become closer...
women want to have sex at the 6 wk period afterward because they finally are able to...but the other reasoning i gave probably has to have some bearing on what happens thereafter
2006-09-25 05:09:46 · answer #8 · answered by *mommy to two* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, its a time issue with me. I have had 3 children and I dont have enough hours in the day. I know that sounds really stupid, but let me attempt to explain. I am a stay home mom and I baby sit for a couple friends. I get up around 6am and I am in mommy mode all day. Getting kids dressed, snacks packed and on the bus. Then I go into sitter mode, playing games, changing diapers, feeding and snacks. Load up at 2 to pick the other 4 up from school. Come home do snack, check book bags, stop fights and get the others ready to go home. The extra kids leave and I start homework and dinner. Monday nights we have scouts. Get home work done and eat dinner. By then hubby is home and he takes the kids out to play. Some times I get the kitchen clean, sometimes I dont. Around 7 bring them in crying and start baths. Do a bed time snack around 8 and try to have them in bed by 830pm. Usually fighting with 1 or 2 of them to get back in bed... Throw in some laundry or dishes in the dishwasher, check the 10pm news for weather the next day and go to bed around 11. ! or 2 of them get up around 2am to go to the bathroom and get a drink of water, or just want me to tuck them back in... and then at 6am I start all over...... Hubby does help when he is here, but I have such a routine, sometimes he gets "in my way" more then he helps...lol. He also works 6 days a week and is a volunteer firefighter. We are both extrememly active with our sons Cub Scout pack. Yes, it is easy to say. Make time, but that is so much easier said then done. I hope I have helped you understand mom's in some way.
2006-09-25 05:48:07 · answer #9 · answered by kutskova29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was never turned off from sex. It did hurt when we made love again 8 weeks later. It took some time to get to normal again. I think that she is concentrating on being a mom. And it can be tireing at times. Give her time. She will turn around.
Maybe if you helped her out from time to time. It might help.
2006-09-25 05:23:14 · answer #10 · answered by LITTLE 1 :o) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋