My cousin Nikki called me to say she was prego when she was about 4mths pregnant. I told her since I just had my baby if she has a girl I'd give her all my daughters clothes as she grew out of them but I would give her my extra stroller and car seat and bassinnett no matter the sex of the baby. She agreed to take them. Last month she had her baby shower & one of her friends told her not to take the stuff from me that she needs brand new stuff not hand downs. So I said okay, I figure she's 20 & so is her friend they'll learn how hard it is especially if she isn't working.I offered my things to another cousin who is pregnant with a girl she is 30, she drove 3hrs to my house to pick them up. At my 20yr old cousin baby shower all she got was 5 babytubs, no one got her anything because it was too expensive , now she has everyone calling me to ask for the things. I told her & them no because she was ungrateful plus I gave them away to someone who wanted them.Was I mean ?
2006-09-25 04:32:13 · 47 answers · asked by ♥ Army Wife ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't feel I was mean. All of a sudden because she finds out she is having a girl and no one got her anything she wants my stuff I offered months ago. She had her baby last night , I feel sorry for her but thats her problem not mine. I was trying to help her out more than once and she declined , so why does some ppl think I am wrong ?
2006-09-25 04:33:35 · update #1
Ok, when it was time for her baby shower I offered her again and she said no her friend Tasha told her to get "new" things. I handled it in a mature way , I am 25 no need to get all nasty about it , I said okay no problem and left it like that. I called my other cousin and offered it to her , this is her 3rd so she knows how hard it is out there and her husband had no problems driving out here with her to get it..
Half the stuff I gave away was brand new and some were used but in great condition. I kept my things up because I planned on giving it away to anyone who was pregnant instead of letting it sit in my house.
2006-09-25 04:56:16 · update #2
I have no more things to give her because I gave them away. And also I don't see it as being my problem , its her problem and her dead beat mans problem. I tried to help being she is young , her first baby , and being that she has no job. But thats all I can do.
2006-09-25 05:06:18 · update #3
No you weren't being mean. If she didn't want it she didn't want it so she didn't take it and someone did want and need it and they took it... Not your fault she should have taken it when she had the chance her fault she doesn't have it not yours...You didn't have to try and help her to begin with...right?
2006-09-25 09:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by JACKIE M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Were you mean? Are you wrong? You obviously have a good heart, to offer her these things was generous to say the least. I think that your cousin meant no harm to you but was influenced by someone who doesn't really care about her or her lively hood, as you can she she is without things that are very necessary. Her age, maturity, has a lot to do with her actions, take a look at the different response you got from the 30 year old.Ungrateful may not have been the right word to use, and as a family member, which is so important, look at it from a different perspective, just as I have. She simply made the wrong choice.
Call her and tell her that you thought she did not want the items and gave them away to someone else who needed them and that you would have preferred she had them. Turn this negative situating into a positive one, family is so important. Then ask her where is the friend who told her not to take hand me downs, also ask her what she bought the baby then leave it at that so that she can see for herself the not so good friend she really has.
2006-09-25 04:59:25 · answer #2 · answered by Bernice J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you were wrong. When I had my son I was so grateful for everything I got. At my Baby Shower I got new things, but I NEVER turned down anything used someone wanted to give me. So it is her problem now. BEGGARS CANT BE CHOOSERS! Maybe now she will appreciate whatever someone offers her now. I mean I feel bad, that the only thing she got was 5 tubs. Now she knows her so called friends are cheap, and she shouldn't have listened to them in the first place. It is almost 2007, babies are EXPENSIVE. Hard lesson, but hopefully lesson learned! And stop worrying about what people think of you. Just take care of your precious little girl. They will get over it and so will your cousin. And if they don't OH WELL! Tell them to buy her baby, what she needs!
2006-09-25 05:31:45 · answer #3 · answered by Ty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay sweety, young people think they can have every thing new. The problem is that they don't think about their budget and when they figure out they did'nt have the money for the things they wanted... Its too late. In her case Nikki rejected your offer because her friend told her so. Do you see the friend that made that request helping her? The thing is.. you offered genorously and Nikki refused. If you see she doesn't have anything nows the time to show her who her real friends are. Be there when she needs you. Its also wrong to leave her hanging .. especially with a new baby in her hands. Wheres the baby going to sleep?
About the " hand me downs" thats what they're there for. . to hand down to people who need them. You were'nt wrong because some one else is grateful for that. Just try to be there for her now. Trust me she'll thank you later. This good deed will also make you feel better. Good luck.
2006-09-25 04:45:08 · answer #4 · answered by Khat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong. First of all you offered, and she was being too proud listening to her friends, and where are they now. Why didn't her friends or the people calling you mean helping her out. She should have been grateful and took you up on your offer when the stuff was available. You are family and she should have known you wouldn't give her any tore up stuff. So it was her lost. Someone who really appreciates the things you had got them. So don't feel wrong, your heart was in the right place and you offered. She took it upon herself to decline thinking everybody else was gone get her all the things she needed, and she was wrong.
2006-09-25 04:41:41 · answer #5 · answered by TRUTH HURTZ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what for you to even offer to help with all those essential items....family or not....was a gesture of love and care.
for her to pawn it off as nothing, more or less not except the things that were good enough for you. she was the one who messed up. I'm around the same age as her and she'll hopefully learn soon that lifes not as simple as wanting new things....something that's especially not important due to the new child. I learned early lifes hard, and you are helping her do this now. She is the one who is mean and uncaring. I'm soooo glad you gave the stuff to someone who will appreciate it. Hopefully the babies ok and she eventually aquires more then 5 baby tubs.
2006-09-25 04:39:31 · answer #6 · answered by katie s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you're not being mean nor are you in the wrong. It was a very nice gesture on your part to offer to give her the things you knew she would need. It's not your fault she decided to listen to her friend. You offered, she declined and you helped someone else out. When people call you up about this, you are being honest and speaking your mind. If these people feel she should have these things, let them provide them for her.
2006-09-25 04:51:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you did the right thing by giving the stuff to someone else. She drove 3 hours to get the stuff, I mean she was interested enough or needed the stuff that she drove all that way for them. Let other cousin deal with it and she should tells her friends to buy her the stuff for giving her bad advice. I remember when my wife and I had our first baby. My sisters in law never gave her any hand me downs at all, thank God for my family, they bought her all the stuff like crib, car seat, stroller, etc, etc. Then when my daughter grew out of the stuff they expected her to gave them the stuff. Don't worry you did right and hey remember, you can't please everybody.
2006-09-25 04:39:59 · answer #8 · answered by This, That & such 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you were not mean at all. I maybe would have worded it a little differently. Saying I'm sorry you stated you did not want the items and they are now given to someone else.
No need to tell her she is being ungrateful. Even though she is.
Maybe tell her as your baby grows out of her clothes I may have some things available at a later date.
And advise her to start going to Garage Sales and the good will. She should be able to find some good bargains.
2006-09-25 04:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that what you did was wrong at all. I accepted anything anyone offered to give me when I was pregnant, and thne when I got it home if I didnt like it I didnt use it. The ahrsh reality is that this world is ruff, thing are expensize, I would actually be offeneded if the girl did it to me. When she calls tell her that you've already given it away to someone else who wanted it when she turned you down. She cant get pissed, she did this to herself, tell to go to some thrift shops if shes desperate, you did what you could!
2006-09-25 05:47:38 · answer #10 · answered by trix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't take this the wrong way but, you have every right to tell her and her friends that she was ungrateful. don't feel bad about it either. obviously, she is young and dumb. she ended up pregnant way to young, and did no investigating into the things she needs for her baby. (i'm guessing she did not register anywhere for the baby shower) my opinion is that you should tell her to "live and learn baby you've got a lot of growing up to do." life is tough and she just made it a lot tougher good luck. it's called tough love, and yes it sucks but in the end youre teaching her a lesson.
2006-09-25 04:44:29 · answer #11 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋