Is there any suggestions on what I can do while my husband is deployed to keep me from being sad all the time?

Question

My hubby is deployed to Qatar for a year he leaves Nov. 06 and won't be back until Nov. 07. I am a grad student and i have an internship but surprisingly I still have a lot of free time after I study and do my hw. I go and workout but I still have plenty of free time. I'm sad and depressed and he hasn't even left the country yet. I just don't know what to do. I don't have any friends here or anyone who understands and I am away from my family I'm all alone in grad school.

I'm also not anywhere near his base he is in the Reserves and the base he deployed from is in Utah. I'm in NY. I think the nearest base here is Fort Drum and that still is hours away.

Answer 1

An amazing number of people either answered this before you added that you were away from a post, or didn't read the whole thing.

It IS possible to get in contact with your husband's FRG via email. They can put you on a mailing list and will send you official updates on unit activities, etc. as they become available. They are the best source of news regarding your husband's deployment-if they do their jobs right. Have your husband check to find out who your FRG leader is. They may also be able to set you up with other wives in the unit for you to contact with personal deployment related issues. Even if it's not called the FRG in the reserves, they should have some form of family readiness group that can provide this sort of information.

The important thing is to stay busy and avoid news coverage. The news rarely reports what really happened, exaggerates what it wants, and downplays or excludes vital information that make the story true.

Easy for me to say? Yes and no. My husband is a month into deployment #2 in 3.5 years, and I don't have anything better to do like grad school or an internship.

You need to stay strong for his sake as much as your own sanity. Enjoy the time you have before he leaves. It's natural to worry, but he needs to see you be strong. If he leaves thinking you can't handle it on your end, it's going to distract him from his mission while he's deployed. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, but that's how it is.

Stay positive. Tell yourself you WILL get through it and he WILL come home. No, it's not always easy. But he has a job to concentrate on, and you have a life to lead regardless of his location. Surround yourself with positive people. Don't dwell on negative things. Don't hang around the phone either. Get out of the house. Got a cell phone? If not, get one. I even have a convenience pkg on my phone line for call forwarding when I'm away from the house so I don't miss a call. But the key point is to get out of the house.

It's true, you can't send too many emails or letters. I think they prefer letters because they can carry them along with them and look at them without having to stand in line at the phone center. Getting mail is like Christmas to deployed soldiers. But keep the sob stories to a minimum. He needs to know exactly 3 things: that you love him, that you're waiting for him, and that you're handling things just fine. It's okay to tell him if you have one particularly bad day, but don't do it in every letter/message. Always focus on the good, whether you're talking to him, your mother, or yourself. (The car died on the way to work but I won 20 bucks on a scratch-off lotto ticket while waiting for the tow.) Smile, being sad won't keep him home.

***Bottom line: You're strong, you're independent, you can handle this.***

And have a good long distance plan for calling home. :)

Answer 2

Try locating a Family/Spousal support program through your husbands' base. You can go and meet other military wives and spouses and see how they deal with it. Pick up a hobby that you would really enjoy, too. Scrapbooking is LOADS of fun and SUPER addictive. They have tons of military stuff, too. Go to www.creatingkeepsakes.com and click Community then Gallery. You can see some of the cool stuff people do. If you don't think you'll like scrapbooking, maybe teach yourself how to play a new musical instrument or take an art class, even if it's just for fun. It's hard but, keep yourself busy and try not to be too depressed around your husband, he feels bad enough as it already is, I'm sure! Good luck!

Answer 3

you can send books to soldiers - get involved in meaningful activities- ones that will actually make a difference in someone's life. You will feel that good healthy sense of accomplishment, and you may still feel sad sometimes, but at least your in there doing something worthwile. Some of these soldiers get pretty tweeked in the head over there as well, maybe some good reading in the down times will help keep them afloat amidst all the craziness - please remeber the soldiers got it worse - no going shopping for kids clothes for school, having lunch with you, all that stuff - it almost too much for them to think about or they'll be walking around in tears all the time- but you know it's deep down inside these people -

you could form a "wives" group to collect cool, enlightening, interesting, books on a wide range of subjects and even ask for donations to cover the shipping -

sometimes there are book outlets like Crowne Books that are selling loads of cool books really cheap - most people have a stack of books the would be willing to give away -

best to you

Answer 4

I've been there several times! my hubby just came back home from Iraq a couple weeks ago.
Put your free time to good use. Get involved in the FRG, fundraising etc... start help plan the parties and welcome home celebrations (its really not to early). Contact ACS, they have 100's of volunteer opportunities. The MWR has a list of different activities that will be on post for your to get involved in. They have sports, bingo all sorts of crazy things.
On the last deployment, I redecorated the entire house, by hand! lol . There are a lot of part time job opportunities too on post, tax season is coming up and they will be looking for help about the time he leaves so you may think about that. Or contact ACS about that too.
Good luck!

Answer 5

If your school activities and working out doesn't take up your free time have you thought about getting a part time job or joining in social clubs? Getting involved with the community that you live in? Isn't there anyone in your classes that you can associate with? Enjoy your time with your husband but when he leaves you don't want him to have to worry about how you are alone and depressed and miserable when he's over there and needing to concentrate on his job and being safe. You've got to find your niche and be strong for him because he'll need that from you.

Answer 6

Find out the name of your husband's Commanding Officer's wife and hook up with her. There are support groups on post/base that you should get involved with. Your husband should be getting all kinds of literature before he leaves that will show numbers of people you can call. Call one of the Chaplains and ask for a referral. Make sure he has a laptop and whatever else it takes so you can e-mail each other as often as you want. I don't know about prepaid cell phones and all that. When my son was in Desert Storm way back when, communications with him were almost nil, but I'm sure that has changed. But figure that out before he leaves. God bless you, your husband and his unit and all the other military members who are protecting us.

Answer 7

You have all the wives on your base that understand what your going threw. You are all going threw the same thing. You need to get yourself involved with them. There are tons of support groups on the base with the same wives that are in your husbands unit. Find one that seems to interest you and go and make friends. You are never going to survive as a military wife unless you make friends.

Answer 8

Don't watch the news, Try and make some friends where you work out, or even at school. I am sure that the school must have some social groups you can get into. Or check out the YWCA they have support groups and social groups that meet all the time. Keep you chin all will be good.

Answer 9

keep busy, get into a supprot groups with other wives, take up a hobby, go out of your way to make friends, volunteer for a good cause or two. Seniors and vets love company are usually lonely and appreciate telling their stories.

It will keep you busy, and yet doing something worthwhile.

good luck to you and your hubby

Answer 10

You need to keep yourself busy. Find a new hobby and start hanging out with other wives that have their loves ones leaving that way you are not alone and you always have someone that can relate to what you are also going through..