Would Like To Hear From Current & Expectant Parents: Do You Advise?

Question

I know that oftentimes, before getting married or being involved in a relationship with someone where a child could be the outcome, you are supposed to discuss certain issues. My question is, if marriage is a possibility, do you advise discussing child rearing methods with your bf/gf, before having children together or getting married? Like methods of discipline, whether or not to breastfeed, etc? For those who already have children, if you knew then what you knew now, would you have discussed it more, and would you advise discussing it in depth before having a child with that person? Or, do you feel that these things can be discussed after entering married life? Isn't there some worry that if you discuss these issues with the person you're in a relationship with, it could possibly cause a breakup or the ending of the relationship if the views differ too much?

Answer 1

I think it should be discussed before entering the marriage. Being Roman Catholic, my husband and I had to take a marriage preparation course before we could get married. It dealt with a lot of topics and situations that could arise after marriage that most people probably would never discuss before hand. For example, how are chores to be divided? Your husband's friends call and want to go out, you had a dinner planned, how would you handle that? You lose your job, what do you do? Children and birth control were among the topics. We're glad that we took the course, even though at the time we thought it was silly. To this day, my husband does the chores he signed up for while in class... he knows what's expected of him. When our son was born, we never had an issue on what to expect of each other. I would rather fight and break up before the marriage than get into a marriage and regret it.

Answer 2

Hi. I was a mother before I got married. Kid has the same dad as the one I married. We didn't discuss anything like that until I was pregnant. To us there was no need to. The only thing we did discuss was birth control and little to our knowledge we were already pregnant. So too late for that. I say if you are going to want a baby for sure then yes discuss it but if you are wanting to wait until later down the road, discuss it then. I think that discipline is a big issue to discuss when discussing pregnancy. Be prepared that you both will have different views and come to a compromise. Breast feeding in my opinion was on me only as the female. Regardless what he thought, I was going to do what I knew was best for our baby. Sometimes you have to do that. With the question about it causing a relationship to end, if it ends then he or she wasn't ready for the relationship. If you are having sex then there is a risk of pregnancy, if you aren't ready to be a parent then don't have sex. Some issues should be brought up like, What if I get pregnant?. That to me should be the main discussion if you aren't wanting a baby right away.

Answer 3

I personally, now that I have a child, would like to get all that out in the open before such a commitment like marriage. There are so many issues, and both people don't always have to agree, but they DO both at least need to have the ability to be willing to compromise about things if their views differ. If someone's not willing to budge about a certain issue, things may not work out. But if they can understand each other's point of view, and maybe work at reaching an agreement, then I don't see that everything has to be brought up particularly in the beginning.

I wouldn't worry about a breakup over differing views, because that's a big part of a marriage. I wouldn't want to end up marrying someone that I will disagree with my entire life. I'd rather try to find someone more compatible.

Answer 4

I am a full time mother of 4 and mine and my husbands parenting techniques differ alot! We really didn't discuss the how we were going to raise our chldren before we married but we had, had many discussions about children and how many we wanted. As certain issues came up such as teaching the now crawling infant "no" we had disrepancies but it all worked out in the end. We make a good couple as we can and do communicate - with very little arguements as we both agree that everyone has a right to an opinion - this is your's and this is mine - so together we compromise. In this household, in the end it was more a matter of - I spend the most time with them and i have a better understanding of each chld becuase of this - so it has been left to me to do as i see fit. When he's home (he works out of town ALOT) He does minor discipling such as "NO" and "I think it best you wait and ask Mom" or his favourite line "Your Mom and I need to discuss this first". When it came to infant issues such as breast feeding - his attitude was - it's your body do what you feel comfortable with, but i want the baby bottle fed to so i can also enjoy feeding time. When it came to creams and lotions he would shrug and say i don't know what do you think is best. With toys he was always a little high on age groups and once i pointed out what was "wrong" with the particular toy - such as choking hazard, etc. - he would agree and find something a little more suiting. I think i would discuss the idea of haveing children and how many children if one is able to produce that a couple would like. Also religion and your plans of being off work and when you would like to return to work. Those are the big issues to discuss before marriage. The small stuff such as breast feeding and cloth or disposable diapers can all come later. Becuase different life situations produce different scenarios. Sometimes - such as breast feeding - you don't know whether you can or can't until that baby is born. As some produce breast milk without problems and others simply don't produce. Same as diapers - some may be allergic to certain types. So really that is small stuff that is discussed during pregnancy and after the baby comes home.
Good Luck to You

Answer 5

My husband and I talked about children quite often before we got married. He made it clear that he never wanted children and I made it clear that I did want children. I knew that he would be a good father and married him anyway. We had also discussed our views on child rearing and we shared the same beliefs in that area. I do advise clearing the air and discussing the idea of children because you don't want to make that life long commitment just to find out that he never wants kids. If he were to leave you after having that discussion then the relationship wasn't meant to be anyway. In the end things will work out like they are supposed to I know from experience. My husband and I ended up with 2 wonderful children and he is the perfect dad.

Answer 6

I would never worry about losing a relationship due to a discovery of differences. That would be a blessing. You don't want to end up married or having a child with someone who is totally opposed to your views. If you have a child with someone you are tied to them forever and you will be fighting forever if your views differ greatly. Discuss everything. For example, I hate spanking. If I had not brought that issue up my husband and I would be divorced now, as his family did spank. I hate bottles and pacifiers. My husband didn't want me to breastfeed. I stood my ground and he decided to try. He is so happy with my decision and now is an advocate of breastfeeding. But there are issues to be flexible on too. I would also recommend that anyone who is going to bring a child into the world, take a parenting class that includes child development, as most ppl only know what they were taught by their parents.

Answer 7

it somewhat is only straightforward scary. I haven`t considered that one yet. i'm hoping those moms-to-be are smarter than that and don`t actually digital mail those human beings. Creeps. If someone needs to undertake flow about it the right way. the moral way. the moral way. If human beings weren`t so busy searching for the straightforward way out (ie. immoral or amoral moves) we wouldn`t have an octo-mom or a 13 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous boy having a toddler. Sheesh. ETA: it isn't somewhat problematic to undertake contained in the u . s . a .. I have had acquaintances which have done it. 2 to be right. both had their toddlers as little ones - take immediately from the well being center and performance been the only mum and dad they knew. It took 2 years to make it offical, in spite of the indisputable fact that it did paintings out. you also may have an open or partly open adoption the position the mother and dad are in touch. there are extremely some moral and moral issues to imagine about at the same time as adopting. And, you should shop that connection to the beginning mom open on your baby. Adopting from a overseas us of a can from time to time complicate issues. those toddlers are frequently in somewhat neglectful orphanages (like jap Europe and Russia) and would have unfashionable-attachement ailment. Others will sense an severe disconnect no longer installation into the white american subculture (because they're a diverse shade and nationality). there is extra to this than only *getting* a toddler. And, for the sake of the youngster this stuff favor to be dealt with. you could search for the help of a therapist as you flow through this. There are very sturdy ones for skill adults deliberating adopting. i'd propose it. it is going to forestall a lot coronary heart wreck contained in the furture on your entire relatives.

Answer 8

I think that you should talk about such things if you are thinking about marriage. It seems to me that you should figure it all out before you take the step of marriage, so that you can be sure you agree on things and know before that it may not work out. Still, you may not really know how you will react to kids and such, until they actually come. I had my own ideas about babies than my husband, and sometimes we dont agree but try to work it out. He doesnt do some things the way I would like, but I try not to criticize, because he is doing it his way. You have to compromise in marraige, and having children can put a strain on that relationship. I think you should just be open and straight with each other from the start.

Answer 9

My husband and I have a daughter that is five. We definitely think it is important to discuss the big issues of parenting like discipline, and the values you will use to raise your children. It just important to make sure u either agree or can compromise on these issues before they occur. for instance we never let our daughter know that we disagree or fight because it would only enable her to know who the week one is and turn us against each other. As far as family values we teach the issues of respect, generosity, and what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable. Discipline we decided not to spank unless it was absolutely need depending o the situation but because of the measures we have taken for discipline we have ever rarely had to spank our child. yes somethings must be discussed but somethings u make up as u go just as long as you both remain a team.

Answer 10

I would advise discussing every thing that concerns you BEFORE you get married, and espically BEFORE you have children. Some things you can't help but discuss after the fact because no one can think of everything that will be important in their life times, but I would talk to my boyfriend/girlfriend about everything I could think of (not in one sitting :-) and the most important thing is to really listen to their answer, and don't think you can try to change that answer later.