A very good friend of mine was in a VERY serious relationship up until a year ago, when her guy broke the relationship off, and left her heart in pieces. She was in a deep depression for awhile, but then decided she wasn't going to let this guy get her down. She went back into the dating scene - problem is, she is now having a very tough time finding anyone. From my observations, and from what she tells me.... They all just end up using her, saying they only want to be friends, or altogether don't call her back. She is confused to why this is. But - I've seen firsthand why this might be! She meets a guy, keeps calling and calling, texts non-stop, and is extremely over-bearing. It without a doubt would make most men run for the nearest exit, in my opinion. Now to my question - Should I offer my thoughts on this to her? Should I tell her that this over-bearing activity could be scaring men away? And if so, how do you say it in a nice way without insulting her?
2006-09-25 03:28:26 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You could email her this question & the answers.
You're right, that behavior will push guys away, she's desperate, & she sure is acting like it to, that's not attractive; she needs to be patient & confident. The next time she asks or talks about these guys never calling her back, just nicely say, "maybe you should play a little hard to get, guys like a game of cat & mouse, let him be the one to call you, just try it & see what happens". I think it's going to take a look of work for this girl to get over her bad habits, good look, just keep casually trying to give her "ideas" on what may help.
2006-09-25 03:37:19 · answer #1 · answered by tanner 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She will be hurt at first either way but if you want to help her, then you have got to tell her what your observations are. Tell her exactly what you've told us. The next time she seems hurt over a guy who avoided her, start off by saying "(Friend), when you meet a new guy, I am observing alot of bad habits that might possibly cause these guys to not want to be bothered with you anymore. Do/would you like my opinion about what I see that goes wrong? If she says yes, tell her exactly what you've told us. If she says no, then leave it at that and let her realize her mistakes on her own. If she wants to be helped, more than likely her answer will be Yes. Let her know that you are only telling her these things because you want to help her and care alot for her well being.
2006-09-25 03:40:13 · answer #2 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should tell her. Try to sit her down and say it as nicely as you said it here. That you might have a suggestion on the way she dates. Don't make it sound like you know it all. Just tell her like a good friend would do. I thing guys call the way she acts being to clingy. It would scare anyone away. Maybe you could just ask her to read your post and the answers. Then maybe she would understand. Good Luck.
2016-03-27 08:50:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time she comments or asks you about why guys are not hanging around you could ask her if she wants your opinions even though they may feel hurtful they are meant out of love and your care for her - if she says yes then just explain that she might want to back off a bit with the calling and texting etc as you think that this might be why many guys are not hanging around - listen to her be her shoulder to cry on and you may just be able to help her through this - if however she says no she doesnt want to hear it then dont tell her just keep on listening to her complain etc until she asks you for your opinions
2006-09-25 03:32:18 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Kazz♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her and tell her what people are saying about her, first of all. And I hope you stand up for her, at least. It's not her fault, 'cuz she's probably so insecure that it's just normal for her to call and text someone all the time when she likes them or whatever. But you should explain to her in a nice, friendly concerned manner that doing that is the surest way to scare a guy off! Maybe the next time she likes someone or has gone out with someone, you could tell her "hey, if you feel like you're gonna call or text him, call me, and i'll come hang out with out with you and we'll take your mind off it."
2006-09-25 03:38:58 · answer #5 · answered by gidget 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there's no real way you can say it with out insulting her, because shes just that type of person that gets insulted very easily. Just tell her that men like for us women to keep them guessing, and not show that were so much "into them as there into us" as simple as that. Its very obvious and shes not the first girl to get so exited with a guy for the first time. Tell her that if she wants to find someone, she needs to calm down a bit and enjoy there company. She needs to get to know them and let them do all the chasing. Tell her to have her priority straight and when it comes down to guys to just let it run smooth. Its better to take your time than to rush. Trust me.
2006-09-25 03:36:19 · answer #6 · answered by I think of you I touch Myself 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you absoultely should tell her. Try to look at it from another angle; if your friend knew a way to help you with your relationship troubles, you would feel they had a responsibility to tell you, right?
I would start with something like "I notice you've been having troubles with... lately, and I think I might know why. It may be none of my business--and if so, just tell me--but you are my firend, and I care for you, and feel that it is my responsibility as a friend to tell you. I think that you're having trouble because.... and could maybe try..."
It's probably a good idea to try helping her put herself in their shoes; "if you met a guy and he.... it would probably scare you away, right?"
The most inportant thing is that she realize that you are telling her because you care for her, and are concerned with her happiness, and because you would want her to do the same for you.
Hope this helps :)
2006-09-25 03:34:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are a friend you tell her just the way you told us .You may have to help get her self esteem back cause i think it sounds as if she has lost it. She is needy right now. Vulnerable! Having your heart broke is not easy to get over but we do & look back on it like how stupid I was to abuse myself because he couldn't handle what i felt for him.Been there & done that. I had a friend sit me down one time & save my life . she told me striaght out that when I get with a guy that I put him above everything & she knew the guy I was in love with was trash. Needless to say that opened my eyes & when I learned to just be me without putting a man higher than me I got married to a new guy & had 3 great kids. 16 years & going strong.Just be her friend & be honest you could save her like my friend saved me.
2006-09-25 03:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by "karma" 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is only one way and that is to get the next guy she meets to do it for you, when she starts doing it talk to him and get him to go off on her about it then if she asks, you can be brutal without any remorse or consequence
2006-09-25 03:34:22 · answer #9 · answered by EASWOOTH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For $8, give her a copy of "Intimate Connections," by Dr. David Burns, which explains how unappealing being needy is. Then it explains how to work on it.
Check it out!
2006-09-25 03:37:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋