How do I deal with my five year old not wanting to go to kindergarten?

Question

My five year old for some reason does not want to go to school. She wakes up in the morning and already starts with "i dont want to go to school". This is all i hear all morning long. She throws a fit to get dressed, brush her teeth, do her hair...the whole thing. Anything that has to do with getting ready for school she throws a fit about. And when I say throws a fit I mean is screaming and doing the whole i am not going to put my leg in the pants hole or put my shoes on. Then she won't eat breakfast. I tell her that she is still going to school even if she doesn't want to eat.

After 45 minutes of this, I take her to school. I have to walk her because the school is so close. So the entire way i hear "i don't want to go to school". She won't answer any questions you ask her, all she says is she don't want to go to school.

I walk her in her class room and the teacher always reassures me that alot of kids do this and it take sthem about six weeks to get used to it.

But this isn't her first time attending school. She was in head start and pre k. She used to ride the bus and was fine.

When she isn't all upset and whatnot I will ask her why she doesn't want to go and she says that all they do is read and write and they never play.

I try to explain to her that school is where you go to learn things like that. And all kids have to go to school.

I just don't know what to do or how to deal with this. Every morning is a fight. All she does is scream and yell and won't eat or nothing. I know that I can't give in to her or she will always do it...and i know she has to go to school.

I am just so stressed. And I don't want her to hate going to school...especially kindergarten.

What should I do?

Answer 1

My wife is a Kgarten teacher...the BEST Kgarten teacher. I'll get her to give you a response a little later. She has seen lots of this sort of thing.

My own personal observations on this is that most kids come around pretty quickly. Some NEVER do.

PS...Cassandra is off the wall!!! Don't listen to that junk! Some of the brattiest, most obnoxious kids that I've ever seen, come out of home-schooling situations. Kids NEED school to prepare them for dealing with real life.

Ms. Dogzilla here: I have taught kindergarten for 33 years. Her behavior is very typical .. School is a big adjustment for children but they do adjust. The worse thing you can do is give in to her and let her play you. Just make it clear that school is important and things will get better. You will see a big difference in a few weeks.

If you let her know she can get to you she will continue her behavior and it will take a lot longer for her to adjust.Ask the teacher for a copy of her daily schedule. I'm sure you will find a lot of free play time in centers, etc.that your daughter hasn't mentioned. Then you can ask her more details about her day.

Also, you may want to go eat lunch with her especially if she has had a good morning getting ready. You may want to ask about volunteering in the room .School is a lot more difficult now and kindergarten teachers are preparing them to be good first graders. I promise the same activities she dislikes now[writing,etc.] she will be lovinhg in a few months .! I've seen it happen too many times.

We also teach character builing. [kindness, respect, problem solving, cooperation,etc.]That is as important as the academics.There is probably a school counselor who could talk to her and you if this continues. Ask her to tell you one good thing that happened each day. Maybe this will help you some. Good luck.

Zilla here, again...."Follow her down the path she's leading you on - she's on the right one! " ??????

Follow a 5 year old down the path that SHE'S leading you??? that's a real laugh! Adults lead....children follow!

Answer 2

There maybe something going on in the classroom that the teacher is not aware of. She maybe getting picked on and it is bothering her. Ask the teacher if she has noticed anything unusual going on that you know your daughter would not do at home or in school before now. Kindergarten is a fun time for little ones! She should be enjoying it. Everyday after school ask her what she did that day! What did she learn that she can show you. When she shows you what she has learned reward her for doing good! In the morning tell her if she goes to school with out a fight she can have a prize. GO to the dollar store and pick up some small trinkets and things and put them in a shoes box. Let her decorate the shoe box and then you can fill it when she is not in sight. When she gets up and does what she is supposed to in the morning and goes to school without a fuss she can pick a prize out of the prize box. You can also use the sticker method where if she gets a weeks worth of stickers on a chart for having a good morning she get a prize. You can find charts on Chartjungle.com. Good Luck!! Always give her bug hugs and kisses! She will catch on in time!!

Answer 3

This must be a very frustrating situation for you.
And I'm sure it is hard to get used to a different environment where the studying part is longer than what she is used to. I would tell her that you understand that she is frustrated, and maybe give her some words that she can use to voice her frustration rather than throwing temper tantrums.
She may also be sensing your nervousness about the issue and copying it. Try to stop being nervous.
When she is calm, I would talk up the school, about how she is such a big girl and is learning so many important things. Give her the attention in a positive way. Ask her what she learned and tell her how proud you are of her to learn it. Ask her what fun things she wants to do, and tell her that she can do it when she gets home. You could also try to ask the teacher if they could do some of those fun things, particularly if they are also eduational.
You can also try to play school at home, and ask her to pretend to be her teacher. Or visit the school. It is possible that the teacher and the child's personalities just don't mesh, in which case you might be able to ask for a different teacher.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry about all this situation you have to deal with every single morning and I do understand... I'm not a mom, but I'm a live-in nanny (AuPair). I've through that a few months ago... the 4 year old girl i was taking care of did the same thing during a few weeks... Her mom was there too, it was heart breaking for me to see her cry that way just because she didn't want to go to school... She didn't eat breakfast either and many times her mom put her next to the doorstep and had to told her to get dressed or she was going to school without cloths, only that way she got dressed... and she cried all the way to school... But then she got used to... it took a few weeks... Did you ask the teacher how does she behave when she's in class, anfer you leave does she stay there crying and then she start playing and doing activities or she cries all the time??? Does she have any friends (maybe the son/daughter of one of your friends) she plays with that go to kindergarten? Maybe you can try taking her there, so she'll feel more comfortable and happy going there 'cause she's gonna know her friends are going to be there! Talk to the teacher again, and just give your girl time! and please! make sure she has breakfast before she goes! you know it's the main meal of the day! Good luck!!

Answer 5

First, big hugs and breathe. In my opinion, more than likely it is just a power struggle she's waging and it will pass. However, if it's too overwhelming, see if you can't make an appointment with the principal and the teacher. Voice your concerns, see if maybe there's a conflict with the other children, or perhaps your daughter and the teacher aren't compatible. She may need to move to another classroom.

I'm sure you probably do already, but try to have as much ready the night before as possible. That way, maybe she can get in a few extra snuggle moments and attention. If possible, try to have a fun activity waiting for her after school that you can enjoy with her. It might give her an incentive to get through the day. Also, see if you can arrange a secret snack for her during the day. Maybe she's getting too low on energy (especially if she's skipping breakfast) and it's making her feel sick to her stomach. So many factors! I can completely relate!

My biggest piece of advice is to stay the course. Whatever you do, do NOT try to negotiate with her. She is too young to understand the long term consequences of getting her way at this age, and you said it yourself that if she wins once, it'll get worse.

Every child is different, and maybe, despite her preschool experience, she may need to wait another year to go. You're her parent, go with your gut.

As far as you're concerned, be sure to find time to decompress after such an explosive morning. Grab a coffee, watch Oprah, or read an article in a magazine or something. Even 15 minutes could save your sanity!

Answer 6

I'm telling you that your story is exactly like mine in every way! My 5 year daughter went to pre k last year so i thought that this year school would be a breeze, boy was i wrong! My daughter tells me everyday all they do is work and she hates it, but her teacher says when i walk her to class she's fine once she goes in! The last few days have been great and stress free because i changed one thing her book bag! I didn't even believe that something so small would make a difference but it really did! Just talk to your daughter about something special that she could take to school with her and maybe that would help! It has been hard this year getting her excited about school and all it took was a new book bag! I hope everything gets better for you, and good luck with everything!

Answer 7

Maybe she misses her mom but at 5 years old she doesn't know how to express this. I have never been a big fan of pre-school or day care because children need their parents not substitute parents. I understand that it is necessary at times and staying at home until the child goes to school is not always an option. here are some ideas - (1) you set aside time every evening to spend just with her (you may already be doing this) (2) you pick one day a month to "play hookie" with her and tell her that if she goes to school every day with no problem the two of you will spend a day together once a month. (3) you both get up an hour early and just "hang" together for a while before you have to get ready for the day. ( I do this with my 15 year old and it works wonderful because I get his full attention and we just sit and relax together) - Hope this helps

Answer 8

Ok, first of all...are you able to stay at home with her? If so, check your state rules...People don't realize this but in alot of states it is not mandatory for a child to attend kindergarten. Check about this and if you stay at home...keep her with you. If not, maybe there is a reason behind her upset. I would try going to eat with her maybe once a week...that way she would have something to look forward to during the week. Go and sit in on her class one day and help the teacher....Find a calender and do a points system with her..A star for each day she doesn't whine and also mark it off so that she can see how many days until you come to eat with her. Make it enjoyable to her...get involved with the PTO or PTA which ever they have there in your town. Volunteer to be a room coordinator and help out and she will see you there and feel comfy too. Good Luck

Answer 9

There must be something very wrong with the school, maybe the teacher, the children or simply your child dosn't feel good in the school.

You should talk to the teacher in person (outside school hour) to find out how's your kid behaviour in school and are there particular things that she has been asked to do that makes her unhappy, even small little things (eg. My sis when she was in kindertgarten, refused to go to school just because her teacher get her to stack all the little chairs as she was a class leader then.....)

Talk to your girl, get her to tell you why she doesn't like to go to school, kids at her age should be able to express herself. The most important thing....reassure her that you're not going to scold or bit her whatever she says.

Answer 10

She is trying to get and keep your attention. She probably doesn't even dislike kindergarten, but she won't like having less and less of your attention.

Make it easier for her by telling her you are proud she is growing up and arrange to do fun things after she finishes each afternoon.

Speak with the teacher if you feel there may be other reasons, ask them how she performs and if she is happy.