i have a gorgous bf who adores me, but i have lost the passion in our relationship for sometime already. there's another guy (old and ugly in my opinion) from a far away land offering and promising me a lifetime of adventure. i crave for adventure but i long for security as well. both claims to be in love with me. wad should i do? i feel like a cheat and a selfish ***** now..
2006-09-25 02:53:09 · 15 answers · asked by Samantha T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you said it, not me, go for the first bf
2006-09-25 02:55:58 · answer #1 · answered by Henry_Tee 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It could be unwise to compare mainly physical things, but having said that it is only natural when you don't know both peoples characters in real life equally.
It always surprises me how many happy couples I see walking around where one is gorgeous and the other is, well let's say plain. What secret do they have that I havent learn't?
Maybe they have found that the things that bring lasting passion in a relationship is sharing laughter, common dreams, finding security in each other, having a chemistry that you feel but can't describe, always thinking about the other person, wondering what they are doing, etc.
I would echo being careful about promises of a lifetime of adventure if that is really what is being offerred and make sure that you are interested in the guy as well as the adventure. I think a nice guy, old or young, would try to be realistic and nuetral in tempting you away from what you have if he really cared for you.
There are more than two guys in the world so it comes down to how strong your feelings are for either of them, being realistic about what either can offer you and what you will settle for in life.
'Life is a journey not a destination' and many journeys can make it a life worth having lived. Also you have to be true to your nature which may be that you can settle easily or not settle with a guy, and accept the down side of either choice.
Also unless you are committing to marrage and even then, you should always remember you are free to change your mind.
I think I would choose the gorgous b/f as I wonder how the 'old ugly guy' is going to feel knowing always how you see him and measure him.
Knowing this will make it slower for him to trust you although older guys are generally more interested and able in providing security.
But then again if you honestly believe you can't rekindle your passion with the b/f then resentment and fighting in your relationship might develop which you should to be ready for.
Personally I would sway towards keeping the b/f and making it clear to the other that it is only e-mail friendship, at least for a month or so, then you can revisit your decision again if you need too, but don't punish yourself the guys are the problem not you.
Good Luck in your decision
2006-09-25 10:58:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing can be guarantee a life time if u are still young go for the adventure one until u are tire then go and look for security one.Maybe both of your bf also think the same as u.They are just hoping something out from u n just give u some empty promises.
2006-09-25 23:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by wow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life isn't a romance novel. Passion ebbs as time passes. This doesn't mean that the relationship should end. Grow up. Would it be fair to the "old and ''ugly" guy to use him for a "lifetime of adventure" when you really didn't care for him?
2006-09-25 10:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by Spade, Sam Spade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you're actually considering an 'old and ugly' foreigner goes to show you how meaningless your current relationship with your bf is, so that doesn't say much for your commitment there.
As for the the other guy, i suppose it is the adventure and the exotic touch of the unknown which is making this so desirable. I have a feeling this latter guy is just an excuse you're building up to bail out of your current relationship.
So I guess NIETHER OF THEM!
Bur it does look like you should start off afresh, somehow!
2006-09-25 10:02:23 · answer #5 · answered by Norman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would choose the man you are already with that adores you.Yes you lost the passion but that can be rekindled.Both of you need to work on that.Start having date night again or do things relaxing to get you in the mood.Losing the passion is bound to happen to everyone at some point in there relationship.This guy in a far away land how do you know him?did u meet him online?Believe half of what he says i know from experience.Men will tell you what they think you want to hear to get in your pants.Think long and hard before making that leap that you may later regret and lose the best thing in your life.Are you willing to take that chance?
2006-09-25 09:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I choose nether of them if your not happy with gorgeous leave him so he can find his happiness. Old and ugly is just that ,old an ugly an to far away to make promises he can't keep., forget him to. Find someone that will make you feel passion and have a since of adventure, so you can be happy.BEST WISHES.
2006-09-25 10:08:37 · answer #7 · answered by lilymarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you are but that is what mkes us all human. I mean guys and girls are damn near the same!
You have to understand yourself, the rub about this one is that no answer will be right b.c nless you do what you feel is right you will end up livnig with regret on his one.
So determine in your head & heart which life is right for you. What sucks though is that you can probably leave your current guy go party with the new guy and come back to the old when you are ready. Or maybe is he smart and will leave ya or you can grovel and he will let you come back. time will tell
2006-09-25 09:57:04 · answer #8 · answered by gstolard 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have the answer to this question yourself. What I think you should do is think over carefully who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Once you made a mistake in your decision there is no turning back for you later or rather you will find that you have made a grave mistakes now. I will not tell you who to choose but you should decide yourself coz it is your own happiness. The key you have to decide is that whom do you want to spend the rest of your with. If you can answer this question yourself, that is the person you should choose.
2006-09-25 11:47:39 · answer #9 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well... go with what your heart thinks or wants... try to find a quiet place and think of what exactly u want... go chat with good friends and tell them your thinking... see what their opinions are. friends normally give better opinions than family sometimes. Of course,if u can find a better someone out there who can give u adventure n security, its much more better...
2006-09-25 20:43:58 · answer #10 · answered by porridge0000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen to urself ask this question is money more inportant then love and happiness to u money won't keep u happy but love is free and it usually is alway's there when u really need it..look into ur heart not ur wallet..
2006-09-25 09:57:32 · answer #11 · answered by bgreneyes 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋