What can you do as a parent if this happens?

Question

You have a 14 and 11 year old daughter. The 14 yr old cries everyday for more than 1 hour. You go to their room to ask her why and she says that it is because of her sister but wouldn't say what it is but continue to cry. The 11 year old says she doesn't know why. Afterwards she will look at the 14 year old and start crying too. When I am in their room, they don't talk. When I walk out, the 14 year old murmurs something to the 11 year old that I can't hear what. Then I go back in and ask her. She just continue crying. Although the 11 year old say "she don't know." But in this case, I can tell she definitely know but don't what to tell me. My comment is "if they don't tell me, why can't they solve the problem? If they can't, why can't they tell me? I am the parent. I want very bady to know what is going on? What can I do?"

Answer 1

You can bet it's something to do with your older daughter. I would take her to a counselor to find out what is really going on. Is she sexually active? Could she be pregnant? Is she thinking about running away? Whatever it is,it's important enough for her to be extremely upset and in turn upsetting the other daughter. Get to a counselor now! Godloveya!

Answer 2

You know, it doesn't matter who it is, or what it is, both of your girls sound really depressed. And when you are depressed, talking to someone, like mom, doesn't help because you feel that you can't say anything. My daughter is 12. For the past six years, her "emotional state" had gone from worse to terrifying. I didn't know what was wrong, and I didn't know how to handle it. Her dad is in the military, so I was quite literally on my own for this. Last year, (she was in fifth grade), I sought out the help of her teacher. I explained my frustrations, and the teacher led me to the guidance counselor. My daughter was placed in a mentor program right in school. Every day, she would go see this person for an hour (who was liscensed as a socail worker) and within a month, I felt as if I had a totally different child. I involved her in activities away from school (Sea cadets to be exact) and gave her a little more room to breath and just be a kid. I know that every situation is different, and I realize that this may not be with your girls. I don't want you to feel as if I am judging you, but I would like to offer up some advice. Up until recently, my two girls shared a bedroom also. That was just the way that it had to go because of the money among other things. If I were you, I would allow some private time for both of the girls. I would speak to their teachers and counselors at school to see if there are any programs available to you (which should be at no cost, these are volunteer based), allow them to be involved in different activities. The ages that they are right now are so hormonal, and emotional and confusing, I am sure that you know this because we were both that age once also. If you feeling that they aren't able to tell you something important, is there someone that you know that the girls are close with that you could get them to tell? Who would then tell you? It could be something so simple, it could be something not. Either way, with the behavior, you are going to want to know what it is, and then you can decide from there what to do. You aren't alone, and you certainly aren't the only one that feels the desperation that comes from raising young girls in this day and age. You have to remember that nowadays, girls can be so mean, and vicious, it is mindblowing. If you feel that it is serious enough, I recommend family counseling. They would talk to each of you in a one-on-one basis, and then bring you in for a group session where you would be able to talk freely and without bias. I really hope that something in here helped you and that you will be able to find your girls happy again and not be walking around with the nasty ball of hopelessness in the pit of your stomach, Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

This is hard.But I am having the feeling that they need more attention.Maybe you are pre-occupied by job or other responsibilities.But I suggest that next time they do the same,call them to the living room or into your room and ask them what is wrong.Tell them you love them,tell them they are all you've got and you are prepared to do anything to make sure they succeed.Take them out and make them take part in voluntary activities,this will open their mind to the fact that you do care for them and because of that they are better off that others outside.I hope this helps.Good luck

Answer 4

I don't mean to scare you, but it is important to make them realize the dangers of depression. So many bad things can happen when someone is depressed. Especially teenagers. Talk to them separately. Let them know they can trust and depend on you. Chances are it could be something you don't want to hear, or it may really upset you. Let them know you are there for them. Assume the worst and do whatever you have to do to get answer. If love, respect and trust don't work. Then ground them both until you get an answer.

Answer 5

I notice kids most often will be comfortable talking when the other siblings are not around. Have a little one on one time with each child , let her know that she can talk to you about anything and that you might be able to help her by giving advice about her situation with her sister. Pushing her into giving you the answer will not help give them some time and one of them will crack soon...

Answer 6

Try this......

"The crying can not continue, it is not normal. The normal routine in this house will cease to exist if someone does not tell me what is going on...."

Limit telephone, television, and other activites, until somebody talks....

If they can't talk then make an appointment for the doctor

Answer 7

i'm assuming they share a room.The problem could be the 14 yr old wants her own privacy.Away from the 11 yr old

Answer 8

You need to have them both sit down with you, and simply explain to them, that as their parent you are there to help them with their problems, and in order to help them you need to know. Let them know you won't get mad (that is always what I am afraid with when it comes to talking to my parents about anything.) Tell them how much you love them and how you are concerned for them. You as the parent ARE in charge here, not them. If in the end they won't tell you, (make sure you put effort in to trying to get them to tell) say to them that it is ok if they don't want to share their problems with you, and that if they do want to talk to you, you will be there for them and not to be afraid to come to you.

Answer 9

Unless they are special kids, they are just whining for nothing and I would smack them both till they form a choir of their own!....
Perhaps you could ask each of them to write what they both don't like about each other on seperate pieces of paper and hand them up to you...work your way from there......Good luck....

Answer 10

threats are a great motivator....as long as you plan on following through with them. Stop being their friend...be a parent!