anybody in the uk please help!!?

Question

im trying to find a court that i can take my ex boyfriend 2...to make him have his son on a regular weekly basis.i dont see why he should lead a life of luxury when he 2 has responsabilitys....i have searched through the internet and can't find anything!! surely there must be some law????? i have applied for child support but im getting no where with them!! my ex wont speak 2 me or answer any of my calls.besides getting him beaten up what other civil act can i do for hm 2 acknowledge his son??? im scared if i just let it go then there's never going 2 be a father son relationship..and i don't want that to happen...please help x

Answer 1

Go and see a solicitor or go to citizens advice they will be able to help you.

Answer 2

Cathy, you will need to speak to a local family solicitor and enquire about how to obtain legal aid - if this daunts you initially - try the citizen advice bureau who will put you in touch with a family solictior who can provide a legal aid service for you.

Unfortunately you are not able to force your ex to have access to your son, and if he is forced to do so, it may not be in the best interests of the child, as the relationship may be unwanted by the father. You will be able to obtain child support from him through the courts, if you are struggling getting the same through the Inland Revenue. This may cause him to take an interest and want to see your son, you never know. Another good thing about the family Courts is that it is a reconcilation process, they will provide counselling for the both of you (not psychological - just a third person to provide guidence to the two of you to see how you can come to a solution) and perhaps set up an access arrangement without having to obtain a Court order.

Best thing to do now though, is seek advice through a solcitior. Have a look on the internet or yellow pages and see which family law firms will provide legal aid and assistance.

Answer 3

No court in the land will force your ex to have custody of his son on a weekly basis when your ex doesn't want to!

What you're saying is that you're jealous of your ex having all the freedom when you have to stay home and look after a child.

Talk to the Citizens Advice about sorting out the money side of things, and get a free initial interview with a couple of solicitors for their opinion too (just ring up and ask for a free initial consultation, most do them).

If your ex doesn't want to acknowledge his son physically, no-one can make him. Just as no-one could make you if you really didn't want to.

Answer 4

Talking about getting him beaten up tells me a little more than you seem to be letting on...

It may be that he has genuine reasons for staying away... some mothers (and I'm not saying that you are in this category, but just giving an example) use their children as weapons to get at their ex's, and the poor man is virtually forced emotionally, economically, and for sanity to just get the hell away. The kids also pick up on this, and if he sees them suffering its all the more reason to withdraw.

I supported my children for 15 years, bent over backwards to co-operative with my ex, if she needed extra money for school uniforms etc I was happy to be of help, I paid for her disco at her second wedding, helped her Mother start a cleaning business working at 5am in the morning before doing a full day at the office, gave up my career for the sake of the marriage and kids (and then she dumped me for a drug dealer anyway) and having spent all this time being a decent and caring father she went too far once too often and for the sake of the children (and partly mine, but mostly for the kids) I was forced to withdraw.

She considers getting rid of me her biggest achievement and a victory, because I was teaching the kids concepts she didn't approve of such as "don't steal" or "show respect for people" etc.

By the way her ex boyfriend is in jail for attempted murder.

But to give you a little hope, because you are in the UK, you can't lose, you're female and you have all the rights over the kids, and if the CSA do track down your partner they'll back date the payments.

Because men are so legally vulnerable, it may be that his solicitor has advised him to not take calls from you etc..

If this is a case where the Father is just being uncaring then you are better off.

Try not to criticize the boy's Father in front of your son, it doesn't matter how correct you are or how much the man might deserve it, the sad truth is that you will be hurting your son. Don't forget that your boy will not feel the same way or have the same opinion of his Father as you do, even if he verbally says so. He may say what he thinks you want to hear to protect his Mummy, but it's not about protecting you, its about protecting him. Or he may feel angry about "Mummy sending Daddy away". He won't understand grown up problems, even as a teenager.

The bottom line is, I sincerely hope that your boy grows up to be a fine man, and has a happy life, in spite of the upset he has already gone through.

Answer 5

i am also going through this problem and have been for the last couple of years - first and foremost i had the same idea in my head that i wanted to make him see my son....forget itm my solicitor laughed at me i didnt have any case whatsoever until my ex partner threatened to tak my son, its a sad truth that because of the country we live in people are innocent until proven guilty - which means noone will do anything until theyre caught in the act. If i were you i would contact a solicitor and ask for advice on litigation, this will be a settlement that your solicitor and his will come to for the child mainteneance, if the csa arent doing anything about it theres a chance they cant - i.e he isnt working legally or paying tax etc, (i have that problem) so contact a solicitor and you may also be able to work out some vopluntary back pay. As for your ex partner not seeing your son, it is sad but what you need to remember is what is best for your son, we all need a break admittedly but forget about your ex seeing your son, its not fair for him to flit in and out of your lives. believe me that creates more problems and heart wrenching questions from your little ones than its worth. instead apply for tax credits, most households are entitled to it now even if you are earnming a fair wage and get your little one into a nursery or pre school etc, apply for child care costs, that should give you a break and provide you little one with a good social base too, allowing you both to get on with your life and leave bad times behind you. i hope this helped feel free to email me on [e-mail] if you need to chat more.

bonnie

Answer 6

You have my sympathy. You've probably learned too late that it really is a good idea to have a stable relationship (preferably a marriage) before thinking of bringing children into the world.

Someone else has suggested that you contact his man's parents (if he has any). I know if my son fathered a child I'd want to have contact with that child even if my son didn't.

I'd give your ex a very wide berth because he doesn't sound responsible enough to handle a child. You sound very cross that you're the one left holding the baby. If more young women realised that this is very often the case, maybe they wouldn't be quite so eager to embark on sexual relationships.

Unfortunately, in this one area in particular, women will never be allowed equality with men!

Answer 7

Sadly, I don't think there's any way you can force a parent who doesn't want to to be a part of their child's life. Frankly, if he cares so little for your son, do you really WANT him to look after him?

One day your ex will realise that the loss is all his. Hopefully you've already got the CSA on his case for money, but I know that's no substitute for what your son needs (nor does it give you any time away from the responsibility of looking after him).

All I can suggest is that maybe you approach your ex's parents, if you think they're likely to take a more positive attitude. You might find that they want to be part of their grandson's life, he'll get some sense of his extended family, and you'll get an afternoon to yourself!

Answer 8

go to the family courts but be warned there really aint any law that can make a father see his child, and if he really dont want to why push him he will only end up breaking your sons heart, and the csa wont be around soon, so you will be able to take him to court for payments, the result if he doesnt pay is a lot worse than through the csa

Answer 9

If your ex is such a bad person, why on earth would you want to subject your son with his company?? The money thing on the other hand I agree, he needs to contribute to the upkeeping of his son, go to the citizens advice bureau or contact a few solicitors and ask if they deal with family law...most solicitors offer a free half hour consultation so you don;t have to commit yourself to get advice you need.

Answer 10

For years people in the know have being trying to persuade youngsters not to jump in to having kids before they really get to know and to bond with each other. The best way of doing that is to marry. Yes, I know It might be 'old hat' to you and lots of others but it shows genuine commitment at very lest. Now I've got that out of the way will say this.; Would you or anybody like you really want to leave your son with someone who may be totally irresponsible? have you asked yourself if your son would be safe in his care? Are you your self fully committed to your son? I cannot think of a court that would force the boy's father look after him. Your child is looking to you for his well being, and he can give you years of joy, If you look after him well, he will grow up really proud of you, and you of him. Seek help if you need it (we all do at times) Look for mother & toddlers clubs or groups where you will meet others who know what you are going though and will help and give you the support you need. Best wishes

Answer 11

CSA are rubbish. My ex gave birth to our daughter and I want to see her, but she wont let me, although I pay CSA many hundreds a month. I asked them for help, and they weren't interested. If I paid my ex half what the CSA get, my daughter would be well looked after finincially, and my ex wouldn't have to work. The whole thing is rediculous! I'm on the birth certificate, so have some rights... apparently! It makes me so angry when the mothers WANT their ex's to have a part in their childs life, but they dont want it. Good luck, and I hope he sees sense soon