seperation anxiety/homesick/depression?

Question

i dont know what i have i just been so upset and crying lately i go way to college about 2 hours from home and its also hard for me to make friends since im so shy and my new school doesn't have a student center. i cry when i visit my family and i cry when i leave my family yesterday i found myself crying all day after my mom dropped me back off at school. is it normal for an 18 year old to go through seperation anxiety?

Answer 1

Oh, honey... when I saw the "seperation anxiety/homesick/depression" header, the reason I clicked was that I KNEW you must be a college student!

I have 7 kids. My oldest only applied to college here in town because he knew he didn't want to leave home. The next son couldn't wait to get two hours away from his family.

My story is my daughter. She was accepted to several colleges. One was about an hour away... one was about two hours away... one was about 3 hours away... one was four hours away. You guessed it. She chose the one that was four hours away.

Now, this is a young lady who, the summer before college, was still getting homesick by Day 3 when she went to the beach with her friends. I kept saying "Are you SURE this is where you want to go???" and she kept saying that she was sure... her roommate was going to be her best friend from high school, she had three other friends attending the same school, another close friend attending a college about 40 minutes away who was taking her car so they could all visit together on weekends, and yes... she was fine.

I took her on a Sunday. She went a week early because, as an Honors student, there were "pre-term" activities for them to do together. Sort of... icebreakers and stuff... like going hiking and camping and swimming and sight-seeing.

By Thursday she was calling me to ask me to come pick her up, in full panic attack mode, sobbing and crying and begging me that she would do anything if I would just come get her. She hadn't been able to keep anything down but fruit punch since I'd dropped her off on Sunday. All she did was sleep and vomit, sleep and vomit... and on the phone with me, she was crying and hysterical in a way I'd never heard before.

She said "I love my dorm, I love my roommate, I love my teachers, I love my classes, I love the college... but I have to come home."

I called guidance and they were nice enough to talk to me late on a Thursday night and then again on Friday morning. After talking to them, and explaining her general personality and her current situation, we agreed that this was NOT a student who would adjust to college. This was a student who was not ready to be away from home. I called her back. I told her I was coming to get her, but SHE would need to do the work of dis-enrolling and handling the paperwork necessary to leave the school. She agreed.

I did go and pick her up. She was beyond the pale when it came to separation anxiety and homesickness. She went four days without eating and it wasn't getting any better. Also, she wasn't having trouble sleeping (normal level of homesick) - she was sleeping non-stop (trying to shut out where she was altogether.) This is a different level.

I think what you're experiencing is a bit more normal and it should get better with time. I'm not clear on why there is no student center! What about guidance or health or any sort of student union or support services? There must be some resources available for you. If you want to contact me offlist with the name of your college, I'm happy to help you find some services at or near the college.

Here's an article that might be helpful: http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/success_strategies/102069/1 It's three pages and you have to scroll down to get to the article on each page... but know that you are not alone... but it should get better. I think it's probably taking you a bit longer than the typical 2 to 3 weeks because you said you're a bit shy so making friends is difficult for you. Without a student center, there's not so many mixers and such for you to meet new folks either... so they're not helping, are they?

Try to locate guidance or the health center at your school... or speak to your RA about what services might be available or any suggestions they might have. As I said... I'm happy to help you in any way I can too. I think you're going to do just fine... but it's going to just be a bit painful until you've gotten more involved in your new environment. It's important though, to work out some strategies to help you get through this difficult part, so let's get working on those :)

Do you have friends that you IM with? For some students, this is a great way to stop feeling so disconnected... they IM with their friends from high school or with their family members. When my other son went away, he IMed with his sister a lot in the beginning... and then as he got used to his surroundings and involved in activities, we never heard from him any more! But it's how we knew he was more busy than homesick.

Above all, don't let it bother you that you're feeling this way. You love your family and your home! That's never bad... and it's okay to miss them and moving away and living somewhere else and feeling like you're "on your own" can be frightening. This is a huge growing pain... and the transition is difficult. Two hours feels like forever, doesn't it? It's not... and know that if anything happened to you there... or anything happened at home... you could be together with your family very quickly.

What you're feeling is normal and it will get better. It's perfectly fine to need some help to get through it though... so let's see what we can find you at your college, okay? If you have trouble finding or accessing services or counseling or guidance counselors or whatever, don't hesitate to contact me. Seriously... I'm a mom and if I can help another student stay or figure out a map and plan to not be so sad, that would be good for me :)

Chin up, sweetie... you'll look back on this experience some day as a wonderful time of change and growth. Now, just to get through it today, right? :)

Answer 2

I have to admit, this is a very interesting question. As a Christian, I feel that I am not experiencing the "full force", so to speak, of God's presence while I live out a temporal existence. The Holy Spirit is given as a seal; a guarantee of redemption, lest we begin to doubt what has been promised to us. This is required because we are not able to fully experience God's presence in this state. Were we fully in God's presence on earth, I imagine it would be quite a different experience. Perhaps a better definition is separation from the love of God. You raise a good point regarding omnipresence. But if God is able to, reduce His presence on earth, one could imagine dialing it back to a mere spark in a region where He has deemed it necessary.

Answer 3

I think that it is at some point especially if you are not used to being away from your family. But if this has been going on for a long time now you may want to check into seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist. It is always hard when you are young to step out on your own. But it will get better, you will see.

Answer 4

Yes it is very normal you going to find that leaving your family will be just about the hardest thing to do the tings you dislike the most about home will probably be the things you will miss the most crying is a good thing it allows you to bleed off the most extreme stress and lets you create a balance your body is able to accept. Friends are different thing altogether if a person can count one person with all their thoughts hopes feelings and anxeities over the run of a lifetime you are one of the lucky ones. Do something you always wanted to try forget fear just do it and see how that makes you feel. hope it helps! reaper out...........

Answer 5

I left for another country when I was 19, and never looked back and never intend to go back. I think it all depends on how you were raised and the family relationships you have.

Try to meet new friends, broaden your horizons. Remember your original home will probably be there for a long time, and you probably aren't missing that much.

Answer 6

No it is not normal. It is far from normal for an 18 year old to be clinging to his/her mummy, you should get some counselling immediately to help you to grow up. Probably your campus will have a free counselling service, if they don't, get yourself a teddy bear.