At what age should a child be left alone.?

Question

My son is 12 he, walks home from school to an empty house, he gets home at 3.30pm and his mother doesn't get home till 6pm. I am separated.

I live 100 miles away and can't help to pick him up.

Answer 1

That depends on the child, I think a 12 year old can do it, my daughter who is 12 also, insists on staying home sometimes, it is also the age when the parents need to start to let them have some responsibilities, but what and how much depends on how mature the kid is.

Answer 2

My ex wife raised this question with me once about her going out etc... I phoned up Social Services and... believe it or not... I was told that there wasn't any "Legal Age" at all!

However there is a duty of care, and basically if nothing goes wrong the parent isnt in danger of being prosecuted, but if theres an accident or a fire etc....

To be honest it totally depends on the child... don't let them cook anything, if they answer the phone then they should say "Mums in the bathroom, please call later" etc..

Please don't allow a 12 year old to stay alone overnight, better to arrange them to go on a "sleepover" with another trusted family.

Personally I wouldn't want to leave a young teenager alone... although they can be trustworthy and sensible, they are still not equipped (as sadly even many adults aren't) to deal with a real emergency or dangerous situation should one arise.

Some schools are now looking into the possiblity of staying open later to accomodate "latch door kids".

I hope my statements don't sound pompous, because I also sympathise with the difficulties a single parent has in holding down a job, and child care isn't as available or inexpensive as the Govt would have you believe.

Other people answering: don't be hard on the questioner, it may be that his work means that he stays in a different geographical location... if he's a soldier or an oil rigger for example. Most people don't have the luxury of doing the job they would really like for a living, and some don't even get to choose where they live.

Answer 3

Back when I was raising my daughter the legal age for a child to be left alone was 13. When my daughter was 11 years old I had to leave for work at 7:15 am and she didn't have to leave for school until 7:40 so she was alone for almost a half hour in the AM. Just like your situation in the afternoon except that I got home at 5:30. Sometimes you just can't help leaving your child by themselves for a little while. I felt that 11 was too young at that time but she did fine and nothing ever happened.

As long as you have made precautions and set down some rules and your son knows about all the stranger warnings like don't open the door to strangers, don't let anyone know you are by yourself, and has phone numbers for neighbors, etc then it should be OK. A mom always worries when they have to leave their kids alone for any reason but it really is just a fact of life these days. It would be very different if you were leaving him alone to go out and party. That's when the law takes over.

Answer 4

What the law says
There is no law that states the minimum age that a child can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk.

There are many important things to consider before you decide to leave a child alone. These include:

The age of the child.
The child's level of maturity and understanding.
The place where child will be left.
How long the child will be left alone, and how often.
Whether or not there are any other children in the household.

For example, most parents would think it’s OK to leave a sixteen-year-old alone for the evening, but to leave them for a week would be unacceptable.

Many young children play outdoors with other children without a parent or carer being present. As they are unsupervised, they are 'alone', but most people would agree that this is an important part of growing up.

You are the best judge of your child’s level of maturity and responsibility.

If you do leave a child alone, remember:
If possible, leave a telephone number where you can be contacted, and be available to answer it immediately.
Talk to your child about keeping safe at home and point out the potential dangers. Tell them not to answer the door to strangers.
Give clear instructions about what to do if there’s an emergency. All children left alone should be able to phone the emergency services.
Leave a list of trusted people they can contact.
Put obvious dangers out of reach of children, e.g. medicines, chemicals, matches, etc...
Make sure that the child is happy about the arrangements and confident about being left.
Tell the child when you’ll be back, and make sure you’re back on time.
Talk to him or her about it afterwards.

Answer 5

It depends on if there are any laws in your area and more importantly on the child. I know some 16 y/o kids that can't be trusted to be alone but then some 10-12 y/o who can. I also think it depends on where they live, how far is the walk from school and what kind of system do they have in place for after school.

Example say the kids walks home, he is to be in the house by 3:30, he has to call mom or dad to verify, then they have to call him back incase they do not have caller ID at work to verify they really are home and not at a friends house. Also periodic check ins, like if your at work and am waiting on something to print, call and check in, they should answer.

Other suggestions if you aren't comfortable with it, see if there are any friends he can go home with, after school places like a Boys and Girls club, YMCA or LatchKey at the school.

Answer 6

Depends, explicitly, on where your son resides, as to when he can legally be home alone for those 2 and a half hours. Check out your local laws. Most laws allow for a child that age to spend that short a time alone. I'm sure his mother has gone over all the rules and responsibilities with him.

Really, if you're so very concerned, have you considered finding an after school program - martial arts or tutoring, etc.- that he can attend and you might pay for?

Answer 7

Well, the minimum age in Scotland for a child to be a babysitter i.e. responsible for other children , is 16. In the UK 14 is generally accepted as a minimum. whether or not a child is old enough to look after himself at 12 depends on the maturity of the child, and what support infrastructure is available (ready-made meals, easy access to neighbours or emergency contact numbers etc) An expensive, but reassuring option would be to call him every couple of nights and ask him if he's OK

Answer 8

If circumstances were different (with regards to the empty house compared with a full or just not empty house), then the child could be left alone the minute he or she shows responsibility freely (i.e: without a parent's coaxing or supervision) which could happen at any age. But this is pretty close to neglect, it's not neglect, but it's pretty close to it. Depending on the child's character coming home to an empty house may not matter and he may understand why it's necessary causing him to grow from it. Otherwise, it may matter big time and he may lash out or get depressed. Yet still, he may take advantage of it in the worse possible way. Whether he should be left alone for a long period of time or not depends on his character. So knowing your son, i mean not the spark in every parent's eye, but truly knowing your son, and comparing on a fair, even scale of mistakes and virtues, should he be left alone?

Much luv and stay safe.

Angel

Answer 9

That's a horrible experience for your son! I know because I was once a latch key kid.

My parents started this latch key practice since I was 7! I constantly lived in fear that there would be an intruder in the house. I had to cook my own lunch every weekday and do the household chores till my parents came home at 7pm! Imagine the 'nutritional value' I had in my lunch meals everyday??! And while my friends and neighbours were happily hanging out in the neighbourhood park after school, I was trapped at home doing the homework and housework. I couldn't wait to grow up yet when I have finally grown up, I feel like I never really had a childhood. And that forced independence drifted my parents and I apart.

I didn't like my childhood and if I have a child, I'll make sure my child doesn't go through the same emotional trauma I experienced in my own childhood.

Answer 10

As has been suggested, perhaps he could stay with a friend?
There are also after-school clubs that normally keep kids at school until 6 or so.

I used to be a 'latchkey' kid myself from the age of just 10 and never got into any trouble, but this of course depends on what kind of boy your son is.
Most of the poeple above seem to be talking about a legal age limit. This only applies to babysitting and is either 13 or 14.

Answer 11

I think this is too young, I don't want to be over the top or cause problems but what if an emergency was to happen? what if someone comes to the door? my son is 15 and I started leaving him for a short time in the summer hols when he was 14, I am not an overprotective mum, he's the fourth one and my other kids tell him he has it easy in comparison. I think you have a right to be concerned, I guess you need to talk to his mum and sort this out before one of you regret it, I wonder if an arrangement can be made for a trustworthy neighbour to check on him, or for a friends mum to allow him to go stay until mum finishes work, it's worth paying a little out to be assured he is safe. At 12 yrs old your son will not be happy to be 'watched' he already feels grown up, the fact is, he's NOT, be tactful and sort it out, you are a parent, and are right to worry, credit to you.