As a gay female, I have been involved with a woman in a same sex relationship for a little over 2 years. She waffles back and forth between me and her ex. I truly feel she loves me but cannot make the break from her ex g/f. They were together for 4 years, the ex cheated on her several times---even leaving her when she was 8 months pregnant with the child they decided to have. My friend talks of how she cares for me, enjoys spending time with me etc--but yet she feels so compelled to the ex gf and doesnt know why. I know there is something I am missing here.....something I should or could be doing to turn the key and unlock this mystery. I could go on for days about the things the ex has done to my friend and how she even talks poorly of me to the child who is 5. I feel I have been there for this woman and been supportive of her. I dont want to leave her and I feel this could work. What should I do? Whats the key to changing this? I feel its on the edge of breaking.
2006-09-25 00:12:49 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When you have loved someone, there's a part of you that will always love them. You invested your time, energy, emotions, history, etc. with them. You made memories with them. When you can admit to yourself that there's always going to be love between you, you can start to let go and evolve in a new relationship. One hopes that the romantic love can change into a love of friendship (instead of a love of hate) and if nothing else into a love of tolerance. It takes a while to get there, but the key thing is to admit to yourself that you still have some kind of love and that it's okay to have that. Then find what's best for you.
Advice: give her more time until you can't.
2006-09-25 00:24:28 · answer #1 · answered by chafer17 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Beth, you're making one of the biggest mistakes a person can make in a relationship -- believing that things can be put right if only you said/did/knew/made/attempted whatever.
The relationship isn't floundering because you haven't put out enough (or the right kind of) energy. It's floundering because you're partner has deep and unresolved feelings.
The most natural thing in the world is to strive for what we want; and when that something happens to be the affection of another human being, we naturally slip into that "What must I do" mode of thinking. But that's destructive. As hard as it may be for you to accept, you're partner is going to feel what she feels no matter what you say or do. This really isn't about you at all. You didn't make her feelings, and there's really nothing you can do to alter them. This is her dilemma -- not yours. And beating yourself up trying to do something about it is as foolish as trying to change the weather. It's out of your hands -- accept that. This is the reason you're feeling so frustrated. You're doing everything you can think of to no avail, and it leaves you angry and hurt. Quit wasting your time.
If it were me, I'd explain things. I'd say to her that this is the kind of person I am. This is what I bring to a relationship; and this is what I expect from one. I'd lay it all out; and then I'd tell her when she's resolved her problems she should call me -- but not to expect that I was simply going to wait by the phone -- I need a life too. And then I'd follow through, making a new life and meeting new people. Maybe she'll call, and maybe she won't. But you need to stop throwing away your gifts on someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are. Don't you think you desrve better than that?
I hope this helps.
2006-09-25 07:31:55 · answer #2 · answered by Jack 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to have to tell you this, but all relationships, gay or not, where one spouse is treated poorly by another, will end...if not now, then very soon after...I read carefully what you wrote and my perception of your story is that you are being used by this girl..She has an agenda one of which I dont like...She is using you to make her ex. jealous and hopes she will be able to go back to her....I think you know this by saying you want to unlock the mystery...Well its out in the open now..so move on...there is genuine love out there somewhere just waiting to happen..go find it girl...and good luck...
2006-09-25 07:21:36 · answer #3 · answered by ozzy chik... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pardon the expression, but it seems like "badboy syndrome." Your gf wants what she can't have. She get treated like crap and brushed aside from her ex, so it makes her want her ex even more. I have no solution for you.
2006-09-25 07:21:30 · answer #4 · answered by Joey 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
put some distance between you and this lady you deserve better. tell her to make up her mind of who she wants to be with sometime she may turn around and you won't be there
2006-09-25 07:21:35 · answer #5 · answered by sharon r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her but if she is stuck on this other chick, leave her be
2006-09-25 07:16:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋