I have a 10 yr. old boy who still has "poo" accidents......?

Question

First, only serious replies please. Joke around with another question.
My son had colon surgery as an infant, and now still continues to have almost daily accidents. School has started again and I told him he needs to fix this problem because nobody can help him but himself. He takes 5 Imodium a day to bulk him up, is careful what he eats, and goes to the office to clean up at lunch if necessary. I have told him he has a week to not come home dirty from school any more (he can clean up as many times as needed at school).The teacher (everybody is) is aware of his problem. I told him I will start to punish him now if he continues to not go to the bathroom. It is NOT a medical problem anymore , it is pure laziness and not wantitng to do it. I need suggestions on what to do to make the punishment fit , so that he learns from it. Taking away PS2 or TV will do nothing. He already gets a $1 a day when he stays clean. He earns about $4 a week now. Help? anybody?

He has seen the doctor and a surgeon and everything is in working order. He doesn't mind sitting in his mess all day and thinks nobody can smell it, however he was extremely humiliated at school last year by other kids. He wears pull ups or pads in his underwear at school so it is easier to clean up. I know it is laziness because he HAS stayed clean when we are at home and I make him go to the bathroom every 2 hours. It is only when I can't be around all day that he refuses to go himself.

So many great answers. thank you, but I need to clarify some things because theres more to it. He has seen 2 specialists. They said he was physically fine. We've been to a therapist for other reasons also. nothing changed. I talk to him all the time about it. He seems to just refuse to take control of the situation himself. He hates it, but doesn't seem concerned enough to care yet. Everybody knows at school. Last year was horrible. I wrote a letter to the teacher this year, Jacob MUST go to the bathroom when needed. So far, its been a better year. I do not punish him for having an accident, I get mad because he does not tell me or make ANY attempt to clean himself up. This is where the problem lays. He will sit and stink for hours and it doesn't seem to bother him in the least. He will lie and say he is clean. He says nobody can tell. I make him wear pull ups now at other people's houses cuz he ruins furniture. He is not constipated from the pills. he goes 3 times a day no problem.

I also know he can tell he has to go because when he is in the pool or bathtub, he WILL get out and go. He has done it before. Even though he hates his condition, I still believe he does do it for attention, even though it is negative. Knowing my child VERY well, he likes to make people do things for him, and this is just another form of getting somebody to help him clean up. I refuse to do that now unless absolutley necessary. I do a "spot check." And yes, he gets plenty of good attention too. I praise him for what ever he does well and reward him sometimes with small gifts or candy.
He IS old enough to know better now and I have felt sorry for him long enough doing EVERYTHING I can to help him. If I give him too much pity, he will use that for more attention. If my son can connect his own PS2 up himself and build a 1000 piece Lego set, he can surely wipe his own butt from time to time.

Answer 1

Well soon he will start "growing" and will not want anyone to help him clean up. The 1 dollar a day thing is a good idea. And i dont understand why he is still doing it even though the other kids are making fun of him. I am sure he doesn't want to think about it and that is why he denies the fact that they can tell. Help him makeout a schedule for school telling him when he needs to go to the bathroom and he should follow the schedule everyday! Maybe give him a bathroom break before lunch, after science...so he knows when he can go, maybe it is because he can't find time in his school schedule.

There was a kid who went to elementary school with me that everyone would make fun of. He smelled bad and we would often see brown on the back of his pants. I am sure that he felt horrible about it. Now that i am in high school, he still smells bad...but not as bad as he didnt when we were younger and you can tell by the way that he acts that he didn't keep better hygene when he was younger because we all remember when he was dirty all the time. He has never had a serious girlfriend and doesnt really have many friends because we are so used to avoiding him. You dont want your son to have this problem. Be very constant about his rules and make sure that they are followed. Tell him that he can use the restroom and he doesn't have a problem anymore so there is no reason for anyone to help him.

Answer 2

It sounds like he has found a really great way to get attention and it is now a routine for him. I don't know about the Imodium - that might be making it worse and it might be making it harder to control his bowels. If the waste gets compacted in the colon - he will start to lose control and the feces will start to leak around the blockage and he will have no control. I would suggest maybe you dangle a big reward for cleanness. If there is something that he really really wants (like a new bike or something like that). If he stays clean until Christmas -that will be his reward. I imagine that this behavior has probably led to some social problems at school. Maybe some socializing with kids that are not aware of his past (a club or sports group etc.) might help him be more motivated to stay clean. Also speak to your doctor again, you are obviously and (probably should be) frustrated - but your doctor should be willing to help you because this is a "medical" problem.

Answer 3

when is the last time he saw the specialist, it could be an issue of his nerves not functioning properly esp since he had a prior surgery. I would get him reevaluated to make sure his colon is functioning properly and is it possible he has IBS or another type of issue that is preventing him from properly evacuating his bowels. I know we arent there and cant see the behavior you are seeing. It couldnt hurt to get back to the doc, and then if it just a mental type of issue, maybe its time for some counseling and help in regards to his lack of concern, this is very troubling to have a child of this age not care about smelling foul or soiling himself there may be an underlying emotional issue if its not medical. Punishment may not work, as he really doesnt seem to respond to your current reward system. Is it possible that he is deviating from his diet, which could cause uncontrolled BMs also especially if its foods he should be avoiding. Best wishes.

Answer 4

Please do not threaten the child. Obviously this is frustrating for you, but you did not say how he reacts. Is he embarrassed? Does he just take it in stride? I am not aware of anyone taking Imodium and still having accidents that it is not a medical issue. Find another medical opinion. This is not a typical 10 year old behaviour. What supplies are you giving him? Can he really manage? What is he like when not at school? When you say everybody knows, does that include his friends? This sounds like punishment enough. He needs help and non-judgemental treatment of this problem. I'd have him tested again.

Answer 5

Are you 100% certain it's not medical? Talk to his doctor about it, could also be an emotional problem. At that age I have no other clue what it could be. Punishment? I don't know, sounds more like he may need counseling.

If he's NOT doing it because of physical or mentally ill reasons, I guess the only punishment that fits is to make him sit in his mess? Again, I think you need to get him into his dr, and maybe take him to a counselor.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I also have a 10 year old son, and I believe you when you say they are lazy. My 10 year old will hold urine, so he can keep playing his PS2...then sneaks into my bedroom to put his soiled underwear in the dirty clothes hamper, then goes and gets a clean pair of undies out of the drawer. I'm not sure this is the case for your son though. He sounds like he has major bowel issues. And punishing him is not going to solve the problem. He gets enough grief about this from his classmates.

Answer 7

If the other kids at school are humiliating him that's punishment enough. You're angry at him because you're seeing him hurting himself and that's understandable. You'd be angry at anyone hurting your child. What he needs from you though is compassion. I think it's time for you to run, not walk, to a good child psychiatrist. I'm not an advocate of medicating children but if your son is still having this problem in spite of the obvious consequences (embarassment) it may very well be a medical problem, but one best treated by a psychiatrist rather than an MD.

My heart really goes out to your son; I have a daughter close to his age.

Answer 8

Punish him for something he has no control over?

Buy him a watch. Tell him no matter what he feels or doesn't feel he should go to the bathroom ever hour or two, what ever you feel is appropriate. Send a note to the teacher, principal and any other persons whom should know that every 2 hours no matter what's going on, he needs to go to the rest room. A accident in class could totally ruin him, bless his heart kids are mean.

Answer 9

dude i think this could be medical if you think about it if it wast medical he would get all those stuff the 1 doller the 4 dollers and you wont have to take the ps2 or tv away if he knows that he will get rewarded he will stop pooping in his pants, if you think about it this way if you did the same thing as ur 10 year old and you be rewared 2 dollars 1 day clean if a week clan you get 5 dollars would you stop pooping ur self

Answer 10

PLEASE DON"T PUNISH HIM. I"m 26 yrs old and I have trouble holding it. I have to run to the bathroom when I have to "poo" and sometimes I don't make it. It causes extreme crampin. Also talk to your dr about the immodium because my dr didn't want me taking 5 and I'm in a grown up body. That' cant be good for him. If he was embarased at school maybe some counsling is good for him. Currently they are thinking my stomach might be emotional as they cant' find a physical. So please don't punish him and help him out.