When is the best time to tell a child about your sexual orientation?

Question

i was wondering b/c i want to know other's opinions about a good age to tell a child about the fact of their parent being gay or lesbian... ive been noted by a professional for the age to be between 4 -6 that way it is instilled in their mind yet no it wont be fully understand but they will grow up knowing those facts instead of trying to tell a 12 yr old that their mother is a lesbian... its easier when their young but what are you all's opinion on it?

Answer 1

I would probably explain it to them around the age you have suggested but not really go into detail - I might have to explain something to my daughter one day (she is only 3 now) but I have donated my eggs to a friend who cant make her own for IVF so any child she has will be biologically related to my daughter - we have decided we will be open and honest with our kids - Im not entirely sure how I would go about explaining it but I believe that IVF in Australia have printed a book for such situations - Im more than sure there are books out there explaining how to tell a child about sexual orientation. Here is a website I just found that might help you... http://www.4children.org/news/101fam.htm

Answer 2

The best age is 6-7.That's how the child will know and the most important - will remember that fact.If you tell a 4-year-old you are a lesbian or a gay he/she won't understand you and will forget the information.A 7-year-old kid understands the difference between men and women and can accept such kind of information easier.But don't wait until the child is 10.After that age,such information will be accepted with anger and misunderstanding.

Answer 3

When they ask, and keep updating the information you give them so that it's entirely age-appropriate. I think it's just the same as teaching a child about heterosexual stuff, really. At 3 years I guess you could casually and cheerily say something like, "A lot of men like to live with women, and a lot of women like to live with men. Sometimes women like to live with women, because they are happier that way. I'm like that." At age three, what else would you need to say?

Don't force information on them that they don't want or need. And as I'm sure you already know, it isn't fair to burden a child with information that only adults would understand. They will accept whatever you tell them, just don't make a big issue out of it.

Answer 4

Children are very perceptive and very little escapes them.

The most important thing that the child will experience is the assurance that they are loved and acccepted by you.

At ages 4 - 6 a child is making many observations and comparisons. They will have already have observed some differences between you (and your behaviour) and those of your friend's parents.

I think its better to tell a child sooner.. It saves the later explanation when they are "mummy why don't you"...

Peter

Answer 5

In this day and age being gay or lesbian is relativley common. It isnt closeted anymore as it was in earlier years.
A 4 or 6 year old will not remotely understand sexual preference or orientation.
If it were me, I would look for books that help explain it according to their age and reading ability.
http://www.insightoutbooks.com/ A book club for gays, lebians and their families.
http://www.gaypeopleschronicle.com Heres a forum for gays and lesbian to discuss things with others One topic is "Married with Kids."
http://www.tolerance.org/parents/kidsarticle.jsp?p=0&ar=5
This is another good article about explaining to your children you are gay or lesbian.
You also may use picture books to help discuss these concepts, as well as allowing for the normal and healthy exploration among children that involves them experimenting with toys, clothing and games traditionally associated with the opposite gender. Children aged 6 to 12 see most things in terms of how they relate to their own lives. If your 7-year-old asks, "Mommy, my friend Timmy says our teacher is gay. What does gay mean?" you might say, "Gay means that Ms. Chambers loves a woman like I love Daddy."
It’s also important to understand why your child wants to know. Maybe someone said the teacher was gay in a scary or prejudiced way, and your child is looking for reassurance. Maybe your child has come up with his or her own ideas about being gay, and wants to check them out with you. Again, listening first gives you a good idea of what your child wants and needs to know. >> DIG DEEPER
Check out FamilyNet
This section of the Human Rights Campaign site covers relationships, parenting and home life for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people and their families. http://www.tolerance.org

I think that kids in their own time will let you know when they want ansers about sexual orientation. It m ay not always come in the questions you want to hear. Some may seems awfully crude and some will be.
I, myself am straight. However I am quite openminded, so I hope this answer gives you at least some of what you are hoping to find. Best of luck,
Shalamar Rue

Answer 6

I think that's a good age. I suggest you try to let them be open minded about it so they don't feel obligated to make the same choice as you, and they can experience the natural expectation of the sexual orientation. I think you're doing the right thing by listening to that advice from the pro. Pros USUALLY know best. :)

Answer 7

I'd say the younger the better (around 5-6 yrs). When they go to school they will know that their family is a little different. So you might as well start early.

Answer 8

If their parents partners are steady mention it immediately. This is mommy's girlfriend " " children are so open. They don't consider it wrong until they're taught to believe that. For a child you love whoever you love. If they're not in a steady relationship they can wait for one or until the child is older (3-6?) or it comes up. Simply bring it up as we have a special family, if mommy gets married you'd have two mommies to love you.

Answer 9

I think 4-6 is a good age; things start being influental(sp?) on them around that age, they will either understand... or not care unless you talk to them about it again~

This is my opinion :)

Answer 10

Try after the age of 10. I think its good. How about u when u r child. Think of it also.