Recently a young woman started working with me. To this day I find myself wondering to her often. We flirt alot, but recently I found out she was married and all my hopes were crushed! But somthing unsual happened this last Sunday, I took her out to lunch we didn't say much on our way to lunch but when we arrived and sat we talked about football and misc things, then randomly sitting there she says "We don't love each other anymore, my husband and I." She kept asking for my help and asking what can I do. She continued to explain things she has not told anyone else but me about which I don't understand, explaining how her husband is abusive to her and he keeps saying he is going to leave her. The more she spoke the more and more I would gaze into her eyes thinking nothing but of her and how I could love her. I have never loved before so this is new to me. Is she trying to hint to me she wants to leave him to be with me? Should I act on my feelings towards her? I don't know what to do!!
2006-09-11 22:54:22 · 37 answers · asked by Jose C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you may have to be brave and tell her you are attracted to her but also that you will not complicate her life further by acting on it until she has decided what she is going to do about her relationship with her husband
2006-09-11 22:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all to a certain extent are attracted to which we cannot have. It is a human failing.
You are very appealing to her principally because you are giving her what her husband is not.
You are listening to one side of the story about her husband being abusive - just beware that the objective behind that might be to arouse your sympathy for her. Everything she might be telling you could just be a unconscious strategy by her to weaken your resistance - If her claims are false that is. Tread carefully, and look at it objectively. Do not give into it for the wrong reasons. There might be a lot more under that iceberg.
If she seeks your advise then you should give it to her impartially and without any ulterior motives. What she is going through is between her and her husband. Just ensure it does not drag you into it.
Couple of pointers:
1. If you do find out that she might be exaggerating the situation a little and she is just bored in her relationship - then what stops from this happening with you?
2. If she is being truthful, then advise her impartially and bring out her inner strength to resolve her own situation - that way she will never forget you ;-)
As for your love is concerned, it should be unselfish and should always want the best for your object of affection.
hope it helps...
2006-09-11 23:25:57 · answer #2 · answered by Yoda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too soon for real love, what you are feeling is an infatuation and that's normal. Sadly, women in abusive relationships do not always see that leaving their abusive spouse is the right answer even though that clearly that is the only logical answer. What you need to do is suggest she divorce her abusive man and live on her own for a while before dating anyone, including you.
While the temptation to cheat (for both of you) might be high, you need to resist that temptation since cheating is never right and you don't want to be with someone who is a cheater. Remember that she has the bad home life and cheating with her won't help her escape that, only she can decide escape that.
If you date her now while she is married, how I see it playing out is that you would be an office romance and she would never leave her husband for you and that you will just end up with a broken heart yourself.
2006-09-11 23:06:56 · answer #3 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me on this. Leave her alone. Run like hell if you have to. She's about to embark on a horrible rollercoaster ride if she's divorcing her husband. She may look at you as someone to lean on. You may also have an angry husband looking to cut your balls off. LISTEN CLOSELY. If it's love and a true long term relationship that you want with this woman DO NOT START MESSING AROUND WITH HER UNTIL AFTER HER DIVORCE IS FINAL. Be a friend, maybe talk with her on the phone occasionally, but don't fall into the chasm of hubby's leaving the picture so you fill in. It never works out that way. You may have some good sex while she's emotionally vulnerable, but if you really care about her then wait.
2006-09-11 23:09:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly she is probably in a very tough situation right now, and was wanting to confide in someone that she felt she could trust and was more of an outsider to the situation, so she wouldn't be judged. I really dont think she was trying to hint at anything!!! and even if she was you shouldn't try and bite because she IS married!!! BUT the good news is that her relationship sounds like it is on the rocks, and she DID trust you enough to tell you her problems! So I think you should continue your friendship with her and keep getting closer to her, with out surpassing your boundries and getting into an affair. Eventually you will find out wether or not she and her husband really are going to get a divorce, and if they do, you will then be in a perfect situation to become her lover. GOOD LUCK! And remember no AFFAIRS!!!! You'll only end up getting hurt in the end.
2006-09-11 23:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several major issues here.
1. This is a work associate. Very, very dangerous. For example, you could get in a relationship with her and end up with a sexual harrassment complaint. Are you peers, or is one senior in authority to the other. If you are senior to her, stay away. Probably stay away anyway. Work relationships, especially to married women are dangerous.
2. It sounds like this woman is on the rebound, or about to be, from a very bad situation. If you can help her as a friend, do so. She may need counselling from someone who understands this kind of a relationship. Frequently abusive relationships include alcohol. If so, she can use Al-Anon. (www.al-anon.org) Al-Anon is a self help group similar to AA but is for the friends and families of alcoholics. One of the very few pieces of direct advise given in Al-Anon is to remove yourself from a violent relationship.
3. You need some outside counselling too. I will not say that it cannot work between the two of you, but there are some real hurdles. Find a counelor (therapist) with whom you can discuss the issue. If she goes to Al-Anon (or even if she does not) try it yourself. (Not the same meeting at first.) Another piece of advise given in AA and Al-Anon both is that no major life decisions should be made for the first year of recovery. You are not ready yet. www.al-anon.org has links for meetings in all states and Canada at least.
2006-09-11 23:01:55 · answer #6 · answered by Chuck N 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is telling you this because she has feelings for you too. She is opening the door for you to...uhm, how to say it...make a move.
Please keep in mind, she's married. I'm not going to judge you if you pursue this relationship, I just want you to understand what you're getting into.
Affairs almost never work out. Not always, but often they are so complicated. If you had an affair, and she left her husband to be with you, could you trust her? If you can't, then I would not make any moves on this woman until her divorce is final. If she's asking you for your help to get out of the marriage, and you want to, then just be there for her. Offer her a shoulder to cry on, an ear for listening...even a safe place to hide for an evening/night if it gets out of hand.
Just think things through before you do them.
For what it's worth...I had an affair on my husband and I'm still with the man I cheated with.
2006-09-11 23:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by THP 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love strikes to everyone regardless of the status, race, environment of your life.
Telling everyone that her marriage is on a rocky road is not easy for women, it hurts and it rips you apart. Now, she tells you her situation because he trust you and want to take a little sympathy from you. Of all the pains that she is going through she deserves to get hapiness and that shes expecting from you.
For the meantime a helping hand, a crying shoulder, an open ear is what all she's needing.
If you like her or love her just give her time to cope up with everything and ask her if there is still hope for saving up her relationship w her husband.
Help her to find herself and let her decide what she thinks she deserves but dont take advantage of the situation, she may be hurting inside and don't add up to that.
God bless to both of you!
2006-09-11 23:37:00 · answer #8 · answered by Vixen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has let you know that her marriage is over and that she is interested in you. She has trusted you enough to share this with you. It sounds like you are already smitten. A word of caution regarding the abusive husband. Don't get yourself into anything dangerous. Let her know that you care enough for her to be there as a friend during her difficult time of decision to leave her husband. Make sure that she has done this step before going any further.
2006-09-11 23:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by danaluana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chasing a married woman is no abc.. you've got to be damm sure she only flirts with u and is into u. Women tend to be more communicative and share life stories more than men. if what she says is really meant, move in slowly. A normal woman would show whether she is interested in another romance after a bad one. her actions must speak louder than words or she'll be just flirtin for fun.. be careful dude, u might end up squeezing ur own heart..
2006-09-11 23:02:20 · answer #10 · answered by experienced_analyser 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run like the wind, Bullseye!
First, you work with her which can make your professional life complicated.
Second, she's MARRIED! If she's so unhappy in her relationship, she'll move forward. I'd also be interested in hearing how she feels she's so abused.
Sounds like you're a decent guy and she's taking advantage of you. Do yourself a favor and keep it professional. If she decides to divorce and still wants to pursue any type of romantic relationship after that, then you can address the issue then. Until then, you're asking for trouble and heartache.
2006-09-11 22:58:32 · answer #11 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋