How can I get my three year old to stay in bed all night?

Question

Firstly, he doesn't like going to bed (7.30-8pmish, after a day at nursery), and makes any excuse to come downstairs again.

Then, in the small hours, he usually appears by my bed with some worry or other and climbs in. If I put him back to his bed he won't settle and comes back. I can't lock him in and if I close our door he just knocks and waits noisily. He's a confident, outgoing child, so it's not really in character, and this has been going on for weeks.

I'm thinking of a sticker chart perhaps, with a sticker given every morning after he's spent the whole night in bed. Anyone have any better suggestions? We're exahusted with the upheaval.

Answer 1

the kid needs to be disciplined if he leaves his room once you put him in bed there should be some kind of reciprocation.
Dont let him rule the house if hes supposed to be in bed hes supposed ot be in bed and 7:30-8 is a good bedtime for kids.

maybe when he comes in your room you should start making him sleep on the floor on a mat or something gradually work him out of the room.

the sticker chart sounds like a good idea when he gets 10 stickers he should get something like a small toy or something. he will gradually get used to it.

good luck

Answer 2

First of all he's 3. He won't always be 3. So, I hope, once in a while you just let him in your bed and let him sleep peacefully there (by peaceful, I mean : thrashing around keeping you up, but he's sleeping). I have 5 yr old boy/girl twins who still go through this from time to time. It's usually an insecurity thing. My kids are usually pretty secure as well, but we all go through stuff from time to time. So, maybe he's going through something right now. Just love him and appreciate him being 3. Then 4. Then 5. Then he'll tell you he hates you when he's 12 or 13.
You probably have a pretty well behaved kid cuz it sounds like you are usually pretty structured with him which is good. But I hope you balance it out a little with some unstructure. Make him a secure kid so he can be a secure adult. He needs to know absolutely that his parents always love him. Even in the middle of the night.

Answer 3

A stairgate will stop him coming downstairs. My 3 and a half year old goes up for his bath (with his 22 month old sister) at 6.00 and is asleep by 7-ish (he too goes to nursery). Maybe your son is over-tired.

I presume you have a good routine and are feeding him up before bedtime so he's not hungry? He ought to be sleeping through the night by now but as you say it's a recent phenomena, maybe there's something on his mind - are there any upheavals in your lives at the moment?

If he's scared of the dark, a nightlight or glowing stars on the ceiling may help. Other than that you just have to persevere, making it quite clear that it's Mummy and Daddy's bed, not his! Good luck to you - I really feel for you! (My daughter thinks it the best thing in the world to snuggle up next to Mummy all night but I'm hoping she'll grow out of it as she gets older!)

Answer 4

The sticker chart is a good idea. However, you should prep him first, by talking and explaining the whole situation.

Most experts advise to have a set bedtime routine to relax the child and get him ready (i.e. Bath time, story time, bedtime) Stick to a routine sot your son knows whats coming next. When you put him in bed you should explain to him that he is to go to sleep and not get out and that you trust that he will be able to achieve this and explain the sticker chart.

If he gets out of bed a few mins after bedtime....then you should put him back in bed with no fuss, no talking, no explanation. The more attention you give him the more he'll do it! Keep doing it as many times as it takes, you'll see after a week things get better.

Do the same when he wakes up in the middle of the night. No fuss, no attention, no explanations, just you need to go back to bed period. and put him there and leave the room....again do it as many times as it takes after several nights of sleepless nights you'll reap your reward of having full uninterrupted sleep the whole night.

Hope that helps! Good luck.

Answer 5

i have the same thing with my little girl the best think i have done is gone and bought a pouzzel that has led lights in it that u make into a picture made it with her and put it in her room i have tld her that every month she stays in her own bed at the end of it there will be 30 stars on a peice of paper by her door she can trade them in for a toy or dvd it really is working great we still get the odd night and i would say see what she is doing at nursery i have just changed her's because i found they were just sitting them down all day she needed to be stimulated and challenged so it tired her out both physically and mentally

Answer 6

Does nursery let him have a sleep in the day as my 3 year old will not go to bed at all if she has slept during the day.One night she was still awake at midnight so now I battle to keep her awake all day and read her a story and she goes to sleep.However she wakes up in the night for the toilet which is brill but then want's to come in my bed!
Its very difficoult teaching kids nighttime rules but I remember this age from when my son was 3 and all of a sudden they seem to grow up,you will probably find it stops soon you just have to persevere.
Reading the answer before mine my son had a stairgate on his bedroom dorr until he was 4 just so we did not have to shut his door on him and also for his own safety.

Answer 7

I am on the same boat as you , i put my daughter to bed at 7 and read her a story she has chosen but then i have to lie on the bed with her til she drops off , can take up to an hour at times , i don`t talk to her etc to keep her lively / interested . I have bought a sticker chart and am going to put the sticker on at night when i tuck her in and then if she gets out of bed it will be removed. I think that will be more understandable that saying they`ll get one in the morning ..Dunno if it`ll work or not lol.
P.S My little girls 4

Answer 8

It sounds like you got the technique right about putting him back in his own bed but he needs to realise you mean business. If he thinks there is a slight chance you will give in then he will persist until he wins and keep climbing into your bed, kids are crafty!!
Keep putting him back as many times as it takes, reassure him then leave him. It will get worse before it gets better but as soon as he realises you wont give up he will give in. Check hes not afraid of anything, maybe a nightlight would be a good idea. Kids go through stages all the time and i suspect your boy is going through one now, going through stages of insecurity is a normal part of a childs development but you need to be confident and a strong role model to get him through it. Show him you are boss and you mean business, sounds harsh but it actually makes them feel more secure as they know where they are with you. Lots of love and reassurance for him wont hurt.
A sticker chart is a brilliant idea, kids love these. Just remember not to make it too difficult to get a sticker at first or he will give up.

Answer 9

I'm afraid from my experience the only solution is to keep taking him back to bed. I know at 3am in the morning with work in a couple of hours it seem easier to let him sleep with you once in a while but unfortunately every time you do that it just reinforces your acceptance of the situation. It took us a week of doing it constantly to finally break the habit and that was the first time. Every time they are sick and you think I just let them stay with me tonight, or I'll let them stay up a bit longer cos there not well it will take of week of constantly taking them back to bed when they get up to get them back in the habit. We used to give my son a cup of milk to settle him if he woke in the night. Big mistake. It took almost a month of watering it down before he decided it wasn't worth asking for it anymore.

I must say wall charts didn't work for us. A sticker is no compensation for motherly love. They'll do without the sticker.

I'm sorry there are no easy answers and I know just how exhausted you must be but you and your spouse may have to workout a rota. Maybe one of you can sleep in another room alternate nights or for half a night each. I promise you 7 days of dedicated constantly taking him back to bed with no compromises and you be back in a good routine.

Good luck

Answer 10

Each time he gets out reassure him and put him back, my son is almost 5 and at 3 his dad let him sleep with him in his bed but I was against it. Occassionally we'll watch one cartoon in the am on a sat together as a treat if he slept in his bed all night. A BIG help to us was one or two night time stories. Let them pick them, tuck them in and read at a calm pace and in a soothing tone. Has been working like a charm for almost 3 years!
Also, try to be alittle more active before bed. Not like running laps or anything but games, puzzles, anything but the TV will help tire them out more.