My mother says that the reason I haven't married yet (I'm 35) is because I give men the cold shoulder?

Question

Surely, men should approach the woman if he likes her. Why should a lady approach a man?

Answer 1

That's great, but that wisdom has done wonders for you by the age of thirty five.

The problem with that reasoning, is that women want to get married.

A man is interested in a woman because of romantic impulses.

That is, he set the woman up on a pedastal in his mind and wants to imagine her as something lovely and excellent and beautify her in his imagination. However little he may be able to work this out practically, his idea is an impulse to fall in love with a woman.

Sometimes his imagination may make him a little delusional and so he set up obstacles for himself in his own mind in effect that make it very difficult for him to approach a woman.

A woman on the other hand just plain wants to get married.

She knows that she is looking for a man to admire and be loved by, so for you to act like this innaccessible thing is not only a lie, but it won't get you the thing that you desire. That is to get married.

Women should have the humility to admit that they want to get married and not act like some kind of unattainable goddess.

Answer 2

Your mother should stop going everywhere with you and asking the men what their intentions are towards her daughter! - that's probably what's putting the men off!

Seriously, I think you have a point. My mother told me when I was 12 never to chase the men and I still can't ask a man out now. Just be pleasant and friendly, give out a reasonable number of warm smiles and be nice. You won't need to do anything more and I am sure they'll come steaming in.

Anyway, it's better to remain unmarried at 35 than to have married and divorced by now because you were persuaded to encourage advances you didn't really want. It's your life and your mother may have to accept that either she'll have a long wait to see you married or that it may not happen if you're actually perfectly happy as you are.

Answer 3

In this day and age it can be a two way track.

If you like the look of a man then it is perfectly acceptable for you to strike up a conversation with him in an open and friendly way. That way you can check to see if your first impression was right or wrong and you can decide if you want to continue the conversation and make more of it.

If a man engages you in conversation this is where the "cold shoulder" approach your mother suggests you radiate would be unfortunate. It takes some of us men quite a lot to get our nerve up to approach a lady and if the first response looks like a "cold shoulder" we are likely to back off immediately.

What I like is an open friendly response which presents the opportunity to chat so I can get an idea if my first impressions were right. I am put off not only by the cold shoulder but also by a very pushy first response which tries to move things along too quickly.

If you want to marry, as your mother seems to think, try both making and receiving approaches in an open and friendly manner to double your chances of meeting a decent man.

Good luck in finding what you want - as its your decision, not your Mum's.

Answer 4

Ouch! That's really harsh. But I sincerly hope that there isn't an iota of truth in what your mother says.

The best possible reason could be that you havent met the right person yet. I know it sounds a little bit cliched but that's the game of fate.

Secondly, there's no reason or justification for a woman not to approach a man. Why should there be? When women are equal to men in all respects so why not in the right to approach a person of their liking. That's real unfair.

So, just warm up those shoulders and get out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea just waiting to be caught.

Answer 5

What significant league participant isn't overpaid? Jeter's occupation batting popular (.317) is basically about as severe as Rollins' occupation on-base percentage (.329). Jeter's OBP is .387 for his occupation. he's two times the participant that Rollins is. Jeter's occupation postseason popular (.309) is 80 factors more desirable proper than Rollins' occupation postseason popular of .229. Jeter's a more desirable proper participant at 35 than Rollins is at 30. and also you want to evaluate Bartlett, who replaced into an all well known human being for the first time this season and contains a .242 batting popular contained in the postseason, with Jeter, who's a 10-time all well known human being? Bartlett's been contained in the league for 5 comprehensive seasons, and he's in no way scored more desirable than seventy 5 runs (till this 365 days, he has about seventy 5 runs scored at this aspect)... Jeter has scored one hundred+ runs 11 circumstances, and has 97 this season so some distance, which will make twelve. Who ya gonna take? You call that "marginally more desirable proper"??? What numbers are you searching at?? Bartlett's had a really undemanding occupation to date. he's not any longer on the fringe of being in Jeter's "type" as a baseball participant. in accordance with Rollins' and Bartlett's salaries, Jeter is UNDERpaid if something.

Answer 6

Gee, thanks, Mom!

Maybe you haven't gotten married yet because you mom has totally screwed your mind and you don't even know what a relationship is right now. You may be giving the "cold shoulder" because a warm heart has not been trained in you by your critical mom.

Of course, at 35, there's not much room for rebelliousness and taking it out on mommy. Nor should you. But we are all a product of our upbringing, whether we like it or not. And a mom that would tell me that would not be setting me up for a relationship in the first place.

So what to do? There's nothing wrong with feeling like you should be approached, not the other way around, so even if society says it's ok, stick to your guns. But what I would suggest is a self-examination; are there things you believe about yourself or about relationships in general that could be giving off "bad vibes"? Beliefs can be reprogrammed. Even if you have to go to counseling (not because I think you're messed up, but for an objective viewpoint from someone trained in relational viewpoints) to examine yourself, you might find it worthwhile.

Answer 7

If you want children you should work on finding a husband! You are already past the safe point as recommended by doctors, but you can still try for the next 5 years if u are healthy.
Yes, I also think a man should approach a woman but you have to remember to go places to meet men! You certainly won't meet one in a grocery store or gas station. Try to go to church (if you are Christian), or to clubs, or even single meetings should be in your local paper. When men do approach you then be very friendly and hope they ask you out for coffee or something.
If you don't want kids and are happy being alone, then what is wrong with it? It's your life, not your mothers so do what makes you happy. G'luck!

Answer 8

I think it's ok for a woman to approach a man if she is interested. What's the big deal. I know most women won't approach a man, no matter how much they might be interested. Also, some advice if you're interested in a man and he's into you, don't play part like you're not into it. I've met alot of women that do this.

Answer 9

You cant give someone the 'cold shoulder' unless they actually approach and you reject them or show that youre not interested. (and you dont have to be 'cold' to show disinterest) Or, if you are aware of a man's intentions to approach and you turn away...thus, "give 'em the cold shoulder. She would have to witness such a thing to make the statement. Approaching is really up to the individual man or woman. Women dont do that as a rule though.

Answer 10

well if youre giving them the cold shoulder why would they - maybe you unmeaningfully seem aloof to the men and that puts them off approaching you. Maybe just be concious of your attutitude when out, be a bit less uptight and Im sure men will approach you.