I think my mother (63 yrs old) is not mentally healthy. She makes conclusions with wrong causal ordering of the facts, doesn't believe anybody (especially: "Doctors know nothing! I know more than any of them!" - she has diploma in geography... long time ago). She is houswife for 35 years - didn't applied for job, ever. She has not a hobby or anything with what she would be occupied. Interferes in my life, and the life of my sister (but she doesn't realize that, although she is one step away from divorce because my mother has cooked that up, by my observations.) She made my life very hard instead of helping me, but I manage somehow. She humiliates my father, but he is very patient. I think she needs therapy, but how to make her aware of it?
2006-09-11 21:20:06 · 7 answers · asked by Wintermute 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
She is also angry at every nextdoor we have, doesn't speak with anyone of her family (her brother and all of his family), she doesnt speak with any of my father's family and she made my father distant from them. she doesn't TAKE advices, nobody can be "greater" than her, she knows EVERYTHING but does nothing by herself, making the others do what she says, otherwise she cuts all relationships. Concerning me, she thinks that I want to "rule" 9don't know what), thus making her very annoying to me. She goes to sleep at 8 a clock in the evening, wakes up in midnight then again goes to sleep in dawn, and again, after lunch. so "she hasn't time for anything because she is so busy". And she has very filthy mouth, insulting everybody she can.
2006-09-11 21:47:52 · update #1
My mother interfered strongly in my life, and all my relationships including friendships were destroyed or almost destroyed. I think MY SISTER is one step close to divorce. My father can not do something that shocking to an old women that has no income of any financial source, and he doesn't want to make my and my sister's life hard if he gets ill, because he is 69 yrs old. He needs her, to take care of him. Thus my father has failed to catch the right moment long time ago for to set her in order.
2006-09-12 06:39:56 · update #2
She sounds like a bored housewife, not mentally unhealthy. Try to get her interested in things outside the home. Get her to try an exercise class, a pottery making class, etc. She doesn't sound sick. Don't make more of this than it warrants.
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2006-09-11 21:32:32 · answer #1 · answered by arejokerswild 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What a shame your father didnt do something about this many years ago. Your mother, it seems has used emotional blackmail all her life....she gets the results, so she keeps on using it. You say your father is very patient, and he is like this probably because he is frightened of her. She is 63 years old now and very set in her ways. From what you have said, I dont think anyone can say anything to make her realise what she is like. She still has a husband, she still has her children, so it doesnt matter how she behaves because you are all still there.
Your father, I believe is the key. Sometimes manipulative people have to be shocked and knocked off their pedestal.
I dont understand when you said that your mother is one step away from divorce because she cooked it up. What do you mean? Does she want a divorce? Does your father want the Divorce?
Well, divorce may be the only thing that is going to shock her out of her behaviour. Yes, she does need therapy, and maybe the reality of a divorce will be the only thing that will make her stop and take a look at the situation from other peoples point of view and not just her own.
The old saying is true sometimes..."You have to be cruel to be kind" You and your sister need to sit down with your father and tell him that you both have had enough. You have also had enough of seeing him being humilated time and time again. Tell him if he decides to divorce her then he will have both your full support. Drastic situations sometimes need drastic measures taken.
If a persons behaviour gets them what they want, then why change it. If people have allowed her to be this way, even though her behaviour is unacceptable, then she has no reason to change, does she?
You love you mother, I know that, but she really doesnt have the right to treat anyone like second rate citizens, and thats what she appears to have done her entire life. It is disrespectful to everyone she is supposed to love.
The ball is in your fathers court, he can change this situation if he really wants to. He can make her be responsible for her behaviour but only if he chooses to stand up to her. Same with you and your sister. If your father is too afraid of her, then you and your sister need to be firm, but calm. Tell your mother you are no longer prepared to accept her unacceptable behaviour and treatment of people, and if she continues, then you and your sister will have no choice but to cease all contact with her until she can become more reasonable. You can also give her a piece of paper with names and addresses of suitable counsellors she could contact when you try to make your point. Dont get into a power struggle with her....say your peace, give her the information about the counsellors and walk out away. When the audience walk out, the actor then has no-one to perform in front of.
Its a tough stand to make, but I honestly think the tough way is the only way your mother is going to accept that people have had enough of her behaviour. And sometimes walking away will force her to get the treatment she needs.
Good luck, you are going to need it. Talk to your father, approach your mother as a family group.
2006-09-12 05:56:16 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get together with you father, sister, and others close to her and have an intervention. Meet with her and tell her the purpose of the meeting. Then all one by one tell her the truth and that they urge her to go to therapy.
2006-09-12 04:30:25 · answer #3 · answered by winkcat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest to her maybe she ought to see a Dr. Let her think it's her idea not the families and then she won't be so negative about the notion.
2006-09-12 04:29:15 · answer #4 · answered by vickie p 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
she needs a life of her own
her hobbies involve your life and sisters
she needs to associate with people of her age
2006-09-12 04:29:34 · answer #5 · answered by buddhaboy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say that you want to see a doctor and are her to accompany you and tell this to the doctor before hand and he will take care.
2006-09-12 04:23:26 · answer #6 · answered by ssmindia 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should get someone she trusts to help her, maybe her clergy could help
2006-09-12 04:25:38 · answer #7 · answered by oncexbittenx2xshy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋