she has no stability in her life. in the past 4 years she has lived in two different appartments and the same guy will keep taking her into his home then break up with her. i'm so sick of this i and my wife and I are the ones that suffer when this goes on. she seems to be a moocher in my opinion. i need help. she is making no attempts to find a job. she threw a hint last night that she would be ok by christmas. i cannot wait that long. when i tell my wife how upset i am she gets upset with me. help
2006-09-11 20:11:55 · 10 answers · asked by davimich1975 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she is staying in your house, she should be looking for work. Tell her that if she doesn't want to look for work, she can go find an apartment, get an intent to rent, and get on welfare because it is not your responsibility to support her.
Sorry to be mean, but it's your house, and she sounds lazy.
2006-09-11 20:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
bad situation! You can only be patient i guess. good things come to those who wait. Has your mother in law ever done anything to really help her daughter? If she has, just let her be. but if she was not such a great mother herself be straight forward with her. talk to you wife and let her know you need to handle the situation because you can not keep ignoring it. Never talk about how upset you are, that makes others upset with you. Don't yell, or argue. If it helps talk with your wife about the negative and positive aspects of handling the situation. go out for coffee and come up with some ideas together. Sure your wife is more patient with her mother than you are, but i'm sure she wants to see her get on her feet. good luck.
2006-09-12 03:19:43 · answer #2 · answered by nicolea0329 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My, my...
I had the same problem with my sister in law... when she divorced she came to us "just a transition, honey, to see what I shall do next...". After 40 days with us, sleeping on our living room couch, eating our food, drinking the hell out of our refrigerator, bathing with our hot water and without contributing a bit -she is a dental technician but has never worked in her life, her husband used to support her-, I asked her obliquely and politely when she would move and the shocking reply was "we are allright here together, a happy family, aren't we?" The fact is that she would not even baby sit our two daughters and we had to employ someone else to do this.
When I discussed with my husband, he said he felt sorry for his sister and he could not ask her to leave the house and bla-bla-bla.... I explained that I could not continue living like this any longer and that he had to decide whether he prefers his sister's easy or his family's. It took him a couple of days before he decided what to choose and then, one night, during diner, I did the talking, in a very polite but crystal-cut way that it was impossible to have a third person in our life and that we would provide her with all help she needed to move.
We had a very unpleasant situation with tears, crying and complaining; I was firm and polite; we cannot live all together and she finally got the message. It took another forthnight before she moved but this was it, final and definite.
Why don't you try the same approach?
Just make sure that your wife is on your side and not her mother's!
Good luck pal!
2006-09-12 03:40:26 · answer #3 · answered by ngiapapa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and get her a couple of interviews and give her the dates and times of them and if she doesn't go to them then give her the ultimatum of leaving or having a job. Tell her that you really love her but can't go on seeing her do this to herslef, she needs to get a reality check and see how it affects you and your wife, just plain out be firm with her and tell her how it is.
2006-09-12 03:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her openly and without any preludes that she's gotta earn her keep or else go to an elderly home where she can stay for the rest of her useless life. Be firm, it's your life, your home and your wife.
2006-09-12 03:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell your wife that either she is with you or with her freeloading mom and maybe you should take the hint from wife and leave -- take your money and run.
your wife will never side with you when it comes to mother
this from a woman who would probably do the same thing as your wife, however, i totally agree with you.
2006-09-12 03:44:20 · answer #6 · answered by Forever Looking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try talk to your wife and let her tell her mother...she will understand much better when she is told by her daughter that she needs to pull her life.if the mother does not listen then tell her that u care about her but she must stop complicaying all of ur lifes.
2006-09-12 03:20:54 · answer #7 · answered by babyglad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write something out.....an agreement.
Make her sign it. Then when the day comes that you agree for her to be out. You change the locks. Then read a book about co- dependence or enabling.
2006-09-12 03:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say be straight with her and tell her whats going on or she going to continue using you and your wife and that will cause problems with you and your wife... if not already. Dont beat around the bush. your wife might get angry, but she'll get over it... trust me...
Good luck...
God bless
2006-09-12 03:20:41 · answer #9 · answered by crispysennie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same way I did. "Look here b@#ch you need to get off your @$$ or leave." I kicked her out 2 days later.
2006-09-12 03:17:49 · answer #10 · answered by whitetrashwithmoney 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋