What is holding me back from leaving?

Question

I have already got a great offer on a rented room and i donoe why what is pulling me back u see (please see my Q & A about my problemS) i really cant agree with dad anymore i always wanted to go out. now i have a good offer for arrangement suddenly i cant bear to move away from them and feel scared? why is that so ? i mean i really cant stand my dad anymore .. he's really pissing me and being sacastic and all.i really cannot take it. its like
when i was keeping quiet doing my own business he would purposely provoke me to get a reaction. i know sometimes i have a short temper and i have been controlling but its really brining me down.

this will be my 1st time leaving the house. as i have said to myself once i leave i will not turn back and i even told my mom one i step out i got nothing to do with anyone else. am i being evil?.

somehow i think she knows that i can do that independent when im out as
i have been quite independent since young,i used to put myself through school with my own part time cash and my dad still have the cheek to say that
i was using the house money to go to university. as he thgt my mom gave me money as the house always had not enuff money at that time. i really cant be bothered to explain to him
and recently he keeps bringing this up . i donnoe hes like not encouraging me to further my studies
there was one time i was so upset with my sister and mom that i did not talk to dem for like mths. i cook/wash/clean up room everything by myself and never once asked them for help.
never talked to them even we were in the same house.

help why am i feeling some doubts?? doest it happen to anyone of u ?

well i'm 25 already i already have a stable job and good pay . i mean i can support myself financially. and having doubts about leaving them and sad at the same time...

Answer 1

Honey, you are rambling. You need to go see a therapist. There is no shame in that. But no one on here can tell you what you need to know in a way that you can hear it that will repair all the damage done to your soul. If you're in college, there is free therapy available to you. See into that.

Answer 2

I would guess it's just fear of the unknown. Even though you don't like your routine at home (sounds a fright, even without looking at your other questions), you are used to it and can sort of trudge along; but being on your own will mean that all the responsibility is yours. I had the same anxiety when I was moving out half a year ago (I had plenty of reasons to move out, even though we had cut down on the scandals seriously), but I decided it's the right thing and pushed myself through it. Now I rent my own flat, have a cat, and am doing great. So, you're not alone in feeling reluctant.

Go for it, girl. There is always internal resistance - not wanting to deal with the practical matters of moving, living with new people, etc., but it's worth it to overcome that resistance!

Good luck!

(oh, and I am enjoying a much-better relationship with my mother now. I didn't move to another town, just to another flat... I feel confident that I'm doing things myself, and my mother doesn't feel the need to pick on me...)

Answer 3

I remember going through butterflies in the stomach when I left home to attend college. I was only 25 miles away. It's normal. I was surprised at myself for getting a little nervous when I was SO ready to move out. I even got along with my parents, so you should be more motivated. Just don't leave by burning any bridges. Move out, give Mom and Dad kisses and ask them to wish you well. Birdies gotta fly. You'll love being on your own! Get a roommate and split the cost. Good luck!!

Answer 4

It must have been so frustrating for you to be in this situation. And your father seems to make matters worse no matter how hard you tried to be independent. You tried to find your peace & quiet, but was interrupted, making you more irritable & have bad temper.

Is your dad retiring or of retiring age? Men, not having their careers, lost their "career" identity & become grumpy at every little thing, wanting to control every little detail as they would in their working environment. Your dad wants you not to go out often, showing that he's protective of you, not knowing that it will drive you up the wall & wanting to go out even more.

I believe you need the space to yourself to find your sanity. If the alternative living arrangement is safe & secure, I think you can consider. Tell mom nicely that you love them all but you need some space to yourself. Assure her that you still care for the family. Gain her understanding. Tell her it would help the situation greatly. With the peace & quiet, your temper will be better to handle dad in future.

Your dad could be angry with this idea. And he'll be even more protective of you & may irritate you further without realizing. If he's strongly against it & you're not sure of moving, tell him nicely of the situation you're in.

"Dad, why do you've to do that to me? I know you're concerned about me. But I'm all grown up & I can handle my problems. If I need help, I'll ask. I really need some space to myself. If not, I've to consider leaving this house to find my space. I still care for you & mom."

Answer 5

Sounds to me that you haven`t been talking to him,and he has to guess everything because all the closeness has vanished,and there is nothing worse than you not involving you dad at a reasonable level.
Sure we want to know all and everything about our daughters,but firstly there are certain barriers that we put up,as well as what you as a girl/woman put up.
No one knows how thick and fast it gets to becoming a hard trip back to daddy`s girl.
We only want to be kept in the loop and feel still important.

Answer 6

you are perfectly normal. right now you are the baby so to speak, but once you step out that door you will be an adult doing your own adult things and making your own adult mistakes and there wont be any mom and dad around to tell you when you are doing something wrong.

moving day jitters. if you dont take that step, you will always be wondering what you missed because you didnt leave mom and dads house.

good luck and happy room warming. (lol)

Answer 7

OMG!!! you sound just like me! I went through the same thing with my father.....the best thing to do is save up some money and go and show your dad that you can do it on your own That's what I had to do....My dad and I get along great now....it has taken many years but we finally are abck to being friends......You really have to be seriously dedicated to being out on your own before you leave.....The "Grown Up" life really isn't a joke......I wish you the best of luck.....If ya need someone to talk to hit me up [e-mail]

Answer 8

You said you put yourself through school...now why do you type like this...your insulting people by speaking like that...so by saying that..you need help in what...if your old enough to put yourself through school then your old enough to be on your own...either you deal with your father being that it's his house or do something about it and move out.

Answer 9

I think its time...It will get easier once your out of the house and in your own, maybe a little homesickness for a few days, but hey freedom and less stress.......

Answer 10

depression is anger without enthusiasm, I'm 24 years old and both my parents are dead, i have no one, you should stay with your parents as long as you can and try to focus on what you like about them, be helpful toward them and that will make you happy, i promise, don't live like it's your last day on earth live like it's theirs, wither you stay or not, i would say put yourself through school first