What is the most appropriate/least awkward way to say the equivalent of "bowel movement"?

Question

I feel like "bowel movement" is too formal...but "taking a sh1t" is too offensive. Is there a happy medium to talking about fecal matter?

Answer 1

Stool, excretions, poop, dukie,

Answer 2

This nurse teaches patients to say BM, because the doctor wants to know, and that is medical jargon abreviation for bowel movement. Away from work. just say excuse me, and leave the area. I don't expect a report on the outcome when you come back, either.
I'm older than most of you, from an age when it wasn't polite to mention your purpose in going to the bathroom in public, the only people to mention it were little boys who whispered and snickered when they said it. Or you and your phamicist or physician talked about it when there was a problem.
As an adult and a nurse, I see enough of it, and hear enough of the talk about it at work, it is almost the last thing I want to talk about socially.
But here I am talking about it.
So, just excuse yourself without the commentary.

Answer 3

I have never found the need to tell anyone specifically what I plan to do when I enter the restroom, so I've always found it will suffice to say, "Excuse me, I'm going to the restroom." For all anyone knows, I am going simply to wash my hands or touch up my lipstick. If you are in a very formal setting, say perhaps seated at the table of a four-star restaurant, it's even enough just to say, "Excuse me." No one with any manners will pipe up and ask, "Why? Where are you going?"
I don't recommend announcing your BMs (what nurses sometimes call them) to anyone. It's not necessary .. or particularly polite. Why would we need to picture that? Right?
If you're just asking about when you have to talk about it in general, like to a doctor and there's a problem with it, then bowel movement is correct and would not be too formal.

Answer 4

I have to poop or I have to take a number 2, if you have to share, most appropriate is just to excuse yourself to the rest/bathroom and forget about sharing why, I know I don't care to hear about you going to take a poop...

Answer 5

my mother in law always says she needs a poo. sounds so cute (in a childlike way) from an older person who grew up in very dignified society. she would never announce such a thing in polite company. she only says it around family though so we don't all decide to need the loo while she's in there.

Answer 6

Unless you need to know how to put it delicately for a doctor or some medical advice, I would suggest not mentioning it at all. Just excuse yourself without mentioning why.

Answer 7

I always go with "Number 2"

(or alternately "I need to go see a man about a dog" gets the point across sometimes...)

Answer 8

Gotta pinch a loaf

Answer 9

Number two.

Answer 10

You don't mention to people when you need to get your bowel moved. You just say excuse me, I need to use the restroom.

If you are saying this to your someone close you can say, I need to poop, I need to take a dump, I need to poo, I need to do #2, I need to bomb ****.

Answer 11

I have to go for a long call (Poop)
I have to go for a short call (Pee)

or

Nature calls

or

I gotta go

or

Look! What's that over there.... (sprint to the bathroom while they look away)