how can i stop yelling at my boyfriend?

Question

how cnai stop yelling at my boyfriend and family ,it don't matter what they do the least little thing that they do will set me off . my boyfriend has been very honest with me about everything that he does but he has an ex that keeps trying to come back in the picture ,but he has told her to move on ,but she is very consistant . She willnot stop a.i have told him that he needs to get a court order do she will leave him alone he is afraid that will mae her more consistant . My family they just want me around for money my mom calls me everyday begging me to pay a bill that she has hides so that dad don't know about it , idf i do not call her or answer her phone calls this is the message that she will leave me" just wanted to know what the problem was that you have not called *****" i get that everyday I hav etried to sit down with her to explain tha ti can not handle her talking like that she don't understand so then i start yelling I would like for serious answers only!! i want to stop

i really want to stop but even if i would shut my mouth it would not help

Answer 1

It's normal for you to be angry / upset / frustrated at the situation you're in. And the anger / frustration is building up in you, making you irritable. You will tend to shout if provoked further.

You tried to be nice & understanding but the situation seems not improving & it's getting on your nerves.

It's good to have a honest boyfriend by your side. I believe he is just as frustrated to have a clingy ex-girlfriend. No guys like clingy girls, whether ex or not. He's not happy at all to be in this situation.

In this crucial period of time, he needs your gentle concern & understanding. Blowing your temper will not help rectify the problem. He'll feel worse, helpless & clueless. When he feel bad / lousy, anything you said will not go into his head.

Choose a time when both of you are cool & calm to talk about the problem. Tell him nicely that you love him & having his persistent ex is affecting your relationship with him. He has to do something about it.

Tell him you're supportive & be there for him. He'll feel loved, cherished, adored & supported to do something for the both of you.

I believe your mom is desperate / anxious, trying to resolve her bill with your help. Not able to receive your help / your call, makes her more panic & worried, leaving many messages in your phone.

She's not aware that it's affecting you indeirectly / directly. She's trying to be concerned by asking you what's the problem. I think you would rather prefer that she doesn't ask at all since she only keep asking for your money to resolve her problems. You felt you do need her "pretentious" concern as it's driving you up the wall.

Try leaving her a voice message to get your point across & minimize shouting. Write down what's bothering you & what you would appreciate if your mom were to do this or not to do that. Write till you get the words right, and leave her the message. An assuring message will settle her nerves, help her understand the situation better & hopefully disturb you lesser. Do not expect her to stop calling you. It would be good if she reduce her calls. It would certainly lessen your stress handling her.

Below just a few examples of the voice messages you can leave for your mom.

If you're not helping your mom due to low funds...
E.g. "Mom, I do not wish to shout at you. I would love to solve your problem. But I do not have the funds to help you. I'm sure you would understand. Thanks, mom."

If you're not helping because you're sick of helping...
E.g. "Mom, I do not wish to shout at you. I would love to help you but I'm not able to help solve your money problems all the time. I also have my own problems. It would help me greatly if you could minimize your calls. It's not that I do not care about you but I need some space to myself. Do not worry about me. I'm able to handle. If I need help, I'll call. I'm sure you would understand. Thanks, mom."

Lastly, you need to find time & space to unwind yourself, loosen your nerves, let your hair down, have some fun, do happy things, eat your favourite food, have your favourite drink, do your happy activity. It's difficult but you've to try. Do yourself a BIG favour. Pet on your shoulder for doing a great job of handling this **** this long.

PAMPER yourself. It's your responsibility to make yourself happy, so that you've strength for yourself to cope with the everyday matters & strength for others, esp. your bf & your mom. They need you. So, be strong for yourself & for them. Keep your cool.

Answer 2

First off try not to bring past relationships into your current one. If your boyfriend was going to cheat on you he would have by now so stop your bitching. Put yourself in his shoes, he does right by you, he must love you and some other woman that he is no longer involved with is messing up your relationship. Your family needing money is their problem not yours so tell them politely you cannot pay their bills. Just because you have external problems with your family and some hussy that won't leave him alone doesn't mean that your boyfriend is deserving of a verbal lashing. Well I guess the only way you can stop yelling at your boyfriend is to take him into consideration and instead of yelling at him ask him for support and I am sure he will give it. Stop worrying about family even if this means walking away from them for a while or telling them if all they want to talk about is money you don't have then they do not need to call. Most of all trust him, and direct your resentment towards his ex, he did pick you after all and not that skank. :-)........and if that doesn't help Duck Tape works wonders. :-)

Answer 3

wow you have a similar situation to me. my mother in law is always poor mouthing and begging for money from my husband and i. we both work very hard for what we have and it makes me really angry that she ( who lives off of the govt) will spend her money on stupid crap and then call us when her utilities are about to be turned off or she doesn't have any food in her house.
i have tried talking with her level -headedly and yelling. nothing has worked. my husband has had no luck either. but lately it has become harder and harder for me to keep my anger in check with even my closest family and friends. i have just started seeing a counselor who is helping me refocus that negative energy. i know this won't help you since i didn't give you a solution but, i hope that it helps you know that you are not alone. good luck.

Answer 4

LOOK i got a way from my mother. SHE would like to degrade me and put me down. MY MOTHER is the opposite she throws money in my face but she controls me or thinks she can control me. I HAVE decided i dont need her moneys. THAT has made her mad. AS for your bf he could get rid of her . TELL him to just move, and hide some where. AS far a YELLING, just stay a way from stress.

Answer 5

Take some time out for yourself you may want to seek counselling to get to the bottom of your anger problems but it sounds to me you have to much on your plate.When you feel yourself getting angry find a quiet place and breath think about what gets you sooo mad and deal with it in a civerlized way.

Answer 6

ur mom must b proud of u...for da way ur treating her...i wonder wen u were a kid..n at times u wanted 2 buy something dat u really liked...did ur mom also treated u da same way ???? day way ur treating her ??
ur mom must not've fulfilled all ur wishes wen u were a kid...they must've gone through some problems themselves in life...but atleast they wud've done something dat wud've made u happy sometime.. & now wen she needs u...is dis how u treat em ???
am sorry but a person has 2 b heartless & MEAN 2 treat their parents da way u mentioned,,,,u cant support her...dats fine....but..u can try hetting her a job...& support a bit urself...
i dont know how ol she might be now...but...do u xpect her 2 go on road 2 beg for help ?? wen she has her own daughter...
just think bout wat ur doing...& someday wen she's gone..u wud not repent on how u treated her...& wish dat somehow u cud've said sorry 2 her...for ur actions...
As for ur bf...if dat guy loves u...y cant u be confident on him dat he's wid u....n wud stay wid u....love doesnt runs from life so easily...& if he truly loves u...no matter wat dat girl does...or even seduces him..he'l only be wid u...n wud ignore her...
if he slips from ur hand...den remeber u were just trying 2 hold sand in ur hand...da tighter u tried 2 hold it...da more it slipped from ur hand...n at end...it was all gone...
if he loves u...he's gonna be wid u...but if he ends up wid sme1 else...accept da fact...he never loved u...
take care...of ur mom..IF u can

Answer 7

Don't worry. That's life. Think it over why you yell at him, how dare you do that. Your instinct tell you he loves you too much, more than you love him. My girlfriend, my wife now has ever shouted at me before we got married. I could understand her situation, and became calm. Both of us grew up, are becoming older and older. I wish she could yell at me again. I really miss that moment when we are young.

Answer 8

seems like your taking all your anger out on your poor boyfriend, but he isn't you punching bag and you need to quit before he dumps you... go find a family therapist to talk to and maybe you can drag ma along for the ride.... since she seems to be the root of the problem.... good luck

Answer 9

Have you heard the old saying that people try to recreate their parent's relationship? Who yelled a lot, your mom or your dad? Or both?

Answer 10

If you gobble his gear you won't be able to yell. Try a 69 then you can only hum in pleasure.