My boyfriend have 2 children from a previous relationship..they are very young 1, and 2 months. i have known my boyfriend since we were very small children and we have always been close ...now that we are together (for 6 months now) how do i care for these children without over stepping my boundaries...there mother is not good..she is never home with them...she doesnt like us seeing them...or taking them...we are in the middle of the legal system now and theres not much we can do till court is over.....how do i get closer to them and let them know things will be ok...and i am there to love them no matter with hapends...
2006-09-11 18:54:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
lots of anger.
2006-09-11 18:59:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just love them and treat them like you would if they were your children. If you are around from the beginning they will love you without you having to do anything. The 1 year old may take a little while to come around though. Just spend as much time as you can with them and as they get older do not say anything bad about their mom because that will make them despise you. Children have an endless supply of love and you shouldn't have a problem. Good luck.
2006-09-12 02:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by Christinamk227 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first do not push it too hard try to become their friend first. Take the oldest to the park and play with her things like that once you are in the position where your thier frien slowly work your way into a disiplinary role but always make sure your their friend first. Never say anything bad about their mom to them. Always rememerthat they are the ones in the middle of everything if she is trying to prevent you guys from seeing them they will know that and if no matter what you guys just do your best to enjoy they time you have together they will respect you far more than thier motrher
2006-09-18 23:18:36 · answer #3 · answered by Courtney G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can not force these kids to love you. You can only respect their relationship with their father and NEVER allow them to hear you say anything negative about their mother. That may mean never speaking about her when they are with you during visitations but keep your mouth shut about their mother as long as they are in your home. The rest is to just be you, don't try to buy them things you think they will like, kids perceive this as a phony way at getting their affections. As a "family unit" you all need to sit down and discuss discipline in your home and the type of discipline YOU are allowed to dole out. Other than that just make sure they are comfortable get lots of hugs and cuddles if they allow you to and enjoy them.
2006-09-12 02:37:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a child's point althou i just turned 22 I went through the same thing with both parents having dated other people just act like a good friend not like a motherly type let them do some stuff maybe the normally can't and let them come to u for advise dont seek if u seek to be there for u they will run they will warm up to u just give them time and let them know that they are more important to ur bf than ur to him because they might see u as stealing the main cheese their daddy
2006-09-12 02:02:55 · answer #5 · answered by groundbrandon 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be yourself. Love comes naturally. It cannot be planned or hurried. Like everything else getting to know them as individuals and accepting them for who they are, are the basis of a relationship. It is not important they love you ,as it is important that they trust you. In time, they will love you. It must be very hard for this kids to be bouncing back and forth between the two parents. The instability could be real scary for these youngsters that depend on their parents for security and stability.
I think it best that you give them good memories when they are with you. Be extra patient, and just love them and treat them like yours.Good luck.
2006-09-12 02:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by tf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since they are small, just being there and being a motherly figure is more than enough. Show them the rights of their wrongs, play with them, enjoy them. They will know! You will be closer to them by just doing these things. The EX probably already things your taking on the motherly role, but, as long as they understand your not mommy, leave it up to them when they get older what they should call you.
2006-09-12 02:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by crzyfiregirls 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you just treat them the same as anyone else you love.It will be easier for you because young children are very adaptable.I hope the legal battle goes well. Remember that the last thing children need is to be in the middle of it.
2006-09-19 15:45:27 · answer #8 · answered by rubyw26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be with them.Play together.Have fun.But don't make them love you by buying them toys or something because bought love is not real love.They have to love you because of you,not because of the toys you are going to give them.Be kind but don't let them be bad.I have one idea,you may like...Read books about positive bringing up for little children.It may help you a lot.Their mother is probably one of these which spank children,yell(if she thinks she has to) etc.Be different!You are a good person even just because you ask about these children.You cannot replace their mother but that's very good actually because later in life children are not willing to share with the mother everything (sex,drugs, their relationships with boys/girls,dangerous behavior...).They share it with their closest friends because they know they will be understood by them.Be a close friend to these children and dn't be like regular moms - "Don't do that!Be careful!No,you are not going at a party!"...Be positive - "Do that but be careful.If you need my help,I'm here.","Yes,go to that party if you really want.I know I can trust your responsibility and I know you can estimate situations,so if you decide to do somethng,you have already thought about that."
If you need more help about being a good parent to children which are not yours but you love,you can write me always - rabotoholi4ka@yahoo.com
Good luck!
2006-09-12 02:50:20 · answer #9 · answered by julie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They will love you, cuz they are so young. Just treat them as you would your own. Some adults have trouble accepting children that arent their own..so its great that you think of them. Dont be jealous when they prefer their mamma over you, its human nature, no matter how horrible our parents are. Dont talk bad about their mamma, just always be there for them.
2006-09-19 15:38:36 · answer #10 · answered by Mystie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just do wut u said luv them. that is easy and free. children r the easiest people to luv. i also have two step daughters now they r 12 and 10yrs old, in the beginning they were 2 and 4yrs old it was hard but u will be fine. children dont ask for alot so lots of hugs and kisses. they dont need lots of gifts and if u do want to do something like gifts, take the 1yr old to the dollar store and let him or her pick a couple toys, kids luv the dollar stores. u will be fine. just dont push ur self on them, they will luv u just because u luv them.
2006-09-12 02:05:38 · answer #11 · answered by "big dogs wife" 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋