I am a hospital nurse and over the weekend I had to tell a woman her mother was dying. Would you tell?

Question

I just lost my dad last January and I needed someone to tell me to let him go and stop treatment. I just wonder what people think when you tell them their family member is getting ready to pass thru this world?

I believe I am a patient advocate and sometimes I do not agree with the MD who is caring for a pt. Families hang on to every word the physician tells them. I have had docs ask me if I think a pt is dying and if I say yes, they ask me to discuss the issues of end of life with the family.
Physicians are sometimes wonderful people. They vow to do no harm, but sometimes families just dont understand.

I worked with a MD in a hospital and really didnt like him until he had to tell me my dad was dying last winter. As a medical professional, I think I was blinded by the possibilities of what can be done for someone you live vs. the right thing to do.
I totally respect this physician now for being honest and straight foreward with me. It gave me peace of mind and permission to let my dad go. My nursing friends could have told me, but they knew I would be "out to lunch" so to speak, and they didnt want to hurt me.

Answer 1

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to dealing with people and the health of their family members. The human part of us feels terrible pain, but it is more important for someone to be truthful. My dad was very healthy until he was nearly 82 years old, and when his health went down, it went down quite quickly, he had dementia and then was diagnosed with diverticulitis. If the doctors had not been straightforward with me, and made me realize that there was too much physical damage I may have attempted to have my Dad have surgery. I really appreciated the doctors and nurses honesty, because in those moments, you are so desperate to do something you could make the wrong choice. My Dad would not have survived the surgery, and it would have put him through a lot of pain and agony for nothing. He really wouldn't have wanted the surgery himself, which I knew; but in that moment....my thoughts were not on track. I did not want to see my Dad suffer, and putting him through that would have added to that. If I was a nurse, I would do exactly the same thing. It must be difficult, but if you know the person is dying; could you really not tell. Would that be a lie of omission?

Answer 2

I would want to be told I think. I have told people before and it is a hard thing to do and staying their with them till the end is heart breaking, at least that is how I felt. I would rather tell them so they can start the process in the mind that it is coming instead of not being told and it happens and beomes a shock. I think the shock or the unexpected is the worst you have no time no nothing in your mind just DONE GONE. I think that would be the hardest is the suprise out of the blue

Answer 3

I believe this is a job best left for the medical doctor who's patient it is. This is not the nurse's role, because he or she isn't the highest medical opinion here. I have been in hospitals and doctor's offices, and have been told a lot of things which turned out to be totally false by nurses. Nurses have their role, but this isn't one of them. They should not be dispensing medical advise or opinion.

Answer 4

Yes.
Informing the relatives and the patient of the inevitability is very important, and necessary. Once informed they prepare themselves emotionally and otherwise for the last rites and rituals. It also gives some time before we should inform our relatives who want to meet the patient one last time.

In short it gives everybody time to prepare.

Answer 5

I tell my patients all the time.
It really depends on the person who is treating the patients, and if they can handle the strain of telling the family, dealing with the denial, and the threats, and the sadness, and helping them work through it.

Answer 6

has a lot to do with how prepared the person is, i took care of mom during her last 6 mo and i knew it was comming, the doctor told her and i together, but she would not let me tell dad or my brother.

Answer 7

I think you should tell. what people will think depends on thier relationship with the loved one...

For e.g I knew a familiy who was very happy to know that thier Grand Dad was finally going to pass away...

Answer 8

It is the most wonderful news in the world to hear because you can then do and say so much.

Answer 9

Stick to the facts, anything else is a risk to yourself and your employer. People react differently when you try to help them.