My mother in law?

Question

OK my mother in law told me she's trying to plan a trip out here for Thanksgiving, which is fine she only gets to see her grand kids once a year, but last time she was here she showed up unannounced with a knock on the door saying "surprise" I was not prepared for it at all, the house was a mess( My daughter just got done playing). So she's staying with us at that time and she is cleaning everything even pulls out the stove and fridge all she does is talk about how we need a bigger place, like we don't know that we have been trying to work on it but credits not so good. She also gives all this advise that we already know and are doing. How do I coupe with all of it and not hurt her feeling if I say anything, she's really noisey and thinks she can fix everything by telling us how to raise the kids how to deal with money and what we need to do in every day life.

Answer 1

I think you need to just tolerate her for a brief period and appreciate her very obviously.

She needs and wants to be an influence and gets little opportunity and she seems to really love you all.

I'd toss her the bone and let her feel valued and respected and not be offended that she is meddling into your life.

Answer 2

Yeah, that would suck. and be annoying. and stressful. Probably what would work best is if you just try to get into her head a bit. Like, she's cleaning everywhere, right? And you feel liike she's disapproving or grossed-out by you or something. She's probably actually genuinely wanting to help, and when couples have kids, cleaning is a big effort. She probably just wants the best for you and is trying to think of ways to make that work. So if' you're constantly thinking of what her Good Intentions might be, you'll be giving her the benefit of the doubt and you won't accidently snap at her, or show overreactive offense. Try asking for advise on like, one of your husband's favourite mom recipes or something. Make her funnell all that annoying energy into usefulness. When she's yackinhg about how u 2 should change, get her to tell a story about how it was when she was young & married. Give her opportunities to talk a lot (like she seems to) and to help. Just, if you choose what those are, then there's less tension.

Answer 3

Throw your monster-in-law a crumb here,. next time do not give her the chance 2 give unsolicited advise. Make her think she is your friend & jump the gun. Ask, what do u think i should do about this or that. She will think she won u over & will back off some. Also if u go 2 her place tell her how she shoiuld do things.

Answer 4

Darlin' it's a ***** to grow old and feel that you have nothing left to offer. She is trying to help even if it is a pain. Trust me she is nice to you, cleans the house, offers her experience and advise and has no clue she is making you nuts. She loves you and is not stirring up any problems so just listen, enjoy the free maid service and treat her like a queen. One of these days you may find yourself in the same position and try to imagine that as you tolerate her "helpfulness". Good luck!

Answer 5

Bite your tongue and just deal with it. If it wasn't for her you wouldn't have your husband. But I know how you feel. My ex's mother was the same way. She had him convinced that we couldn't live in our house we had bought just because there wasn't any central heat and air in it. Now I'm from the deep south so central h/a isn't a problem for me. We had been paying on the house for over a year plus all of the bills in the house. I mean all of the bills. Lights, phone, water, sewage, trash pickup. We had window units. But we couldn't live there because there was no central h/a. But his mom was psycho. I lived with that for 3 years. But keep your head held high and pray alot!!!! If you love your husband you will learn to live with it.

Answer 6

Just tell her nicely that you don't mean to be cruel or to hurt her feelings but you can handle your household and all other things that might occur..And as much as you appreciate her you would like to handle things yourself...Tell her she only gets to see her grandkids once a year and doesn't need to worry about your issues and to just have a good time

Answer 7

be a gracious host and remember its only for a short time. heck I would love someone to come and clean my fridge. set a good example for your kids.. dont worry if the house isnt perfect.. a home is about people not a perfect nonmessy house, esp with kids. just nod your head when she offers advice, dont hurt her feelings and soon she will be home!

Answer 8

Have a nice bottle of vodka on hand with a case of vanilla coke and sip away. She'll think you're sipping soda's all day and really you'll just be "relaxing" and letting her words be WORDS!!! Let her do her talking she'll feel better and all you have to do is listen (or least pretend too) and then wait for her to leave!

Answer 9

Mother in laws are tough to deal with! Moms always think that their son is little, therefore nothing is good enough for them like a mother's love. I would just ignore her when she comes and visit. Try your best at life, it sounds like you have a good head on you shoulders, just ignore the mom in law! (I know it is hard)

Answer 10

Turn the tables. Ask her about her life. Ask her about her plans. Ask her about her past. Of course, you won't be critical of her.

I think she is critiquing you because she doesn't know what to say and she wants to share her thoughts. Asking her stuff will change the subject while still meeting her need to share.

If necessary, you can respond to her that you and hubby are happy with the way your lives are arranged. No need to elaborate.