What would you say to these parents?

Question

Saturday night my husband and I and our 14 month old son got together with some friends of ours to celebrate their daughters 3rd birthday. A little history, I used to take care of their daughter from the time she was 2 months old until my son was born when she was 20 months old. I don't see her very often anymore because I am buisy with my own family, but I do keep in touch with her parents (my parents' good friends).
This little girl that was once so cute and loveble is now a complete MONSTER!!!
Her parents DO NOT discapline her at all. They are afraid to make a scene so they just let her do what ever she wants. Run around the restaurant, not eat dinner, etc.
In less than one hour she slapped her dad in the face and bit her mother on the arm, neither actions got any discapline.
They acting like this behavior is inevetable, which I know it is not, and there is nothing they can do about it.
What do I say to them when they talk about when "this happens to you"?

Answer 1

I don't know who said it, but there's a quote that says "Expect What You Tolerate" if those parents tolerate that type of behavior, they better expect their kid to act like that.

Answer 2

They obviously think it is an age thing, I how ever I am in a bit of the same situation myself, I do not allow something that my sister does due to the fact she is tired of fighting with her son. I would say pick your fights some parents tend to slack more than others on discapline, and it is up to you if you want to say anything, and perhaps suggesting more physical activities, I know if I don't go out with my children, they get in to alot of trouble, but if let outside to play, they are really well behaved, I am shocked at the difference.

Answer 3

Maybe I am the wrong type of person to be answering this,but let me just say that I am the mother of such a monster. I try so hard to get her to listen, complete with the "new age way" of discipline; scheduling her activities, taking hints from Dr.Phil and supernanny, have resorted to bribery, spankings, "time out", screaming & yelling, reasoning, begging & pleading, & finally praying to God for a little help. I see nothing wrong with taking a trip to the bathroom to unleash punishment on her little behind if she needs it, or giving her the positive reinforcement to try to fight that behavior. My problem is that my Mother-n-law watches my daughter, and unfortunately we cannot afford a babysitter. "Nana" lets little Emmy slap her and hit her, pull her hair, throw and destroy her collectibles, etc! Appalled, I once smacked Emmy's behind & upon seeing that, my mother-in-law defended my daughter and told me, it's okay that she does that, because I hate to see her cry! Well, to make a long story short, I am now the mother of such a child, and although I dont believe it is inevitable, I can honestly tell you it is NOT always 100% of the parents' faults! Whenever I am home (I work 6 days a week) my daughter behaves just like any toddler...when I pick her up from Nana's-WATCH OUT! Thats usually when I get hit, have my hair pulled, punched, etc. All I can do is what I know to do. I have even talked to her Pediatrician! I would love to stay at home, and discipline and raise my child the way that I wish she could be, but think about this...Some couples struggle at minimum wage just to keep the utilities on. How well do you know their current situation? Believe it or not...the embarrassment of their child behaving that way was probably enough for them, for you to say something to them now, would be pointless and rude. In the future, when they talk about when this happens to you, just laugh and say...thats what they make tazers for. (or straight jackets/muzzles/cages/etc) It's humorous and to the point, and if they weren't already trying to control their daughter, maybe then they will get the hint!

Answer 4

You can say... that if and when it does... you'll nip in the butt right from the start so that it doesn't get this out of control. You can say that you're quite disappointed that they have made no effort ti control her behavior. At the very least... they should have immediately left the restaurant when she acted up. That in itself is the beginning of discipline. Children are not the ones in control... unless the parents let them be. You can also say that you'll need to consider whether your son can be around her... because you cannot have him influenced by her attitude thinking it's okay. Ask yourself this: which is more important? teaching your son right from wrong... or the feelings of a couple of adults not willing to act like one?

Answer 5

To quote Bernie Mac, "I'll kick a kid's ***." LOL If your friends were my friends, I'd tell them straight up how much of an unruly brat their kid is. I'd just clean it up some first. I'd be completely flabbergasted if I witnessed that kind of behavior in a restaurant and it went unchecked. My children have never acted that badly in public. My youngest son threw a huge fit in a Wal-mart one day, I immediately marched (more like dragged) his butt outside and we sat in the car while his grandma continued to shop. Everyone watched as I literally had to drag Jake out of the store while he screamed bloody murder because of God only knows what. I would never put up with that little gir's behavior. Apparently some kids really do need a spanking every once in awhile.

Answer 6

When they talk about "when this happens to you" tell them it doesn't because you dicipline your child. You will not tolerate that kind of behavior from your child in public or private.

If it is completely out of control, I suggest not going out with them, in public at least. If they want to know why, tell them nicely that you feel that their daughter is too immature to go out in public. Or nicely ask them if just the adults can go out. This might be the better approach since every parent wants to get out for adult time once in a while.

The behavior is totally unacceptable. I go out with my friend every once in a while for dinner with her 3 year old and her 1 year old and we never have this kind of problem. There is the occasional yelling of "I want my french fries" and the occasional crying of the baby who until recently couldnt have french fries, but wanted them anyway, but both kids sit in their chair and dont run around and are well behaved.

If my child slapped me in the face or bit me, we'd be taking a trip to the bathroom.

Answer 7

Good friends or not, I'd tell them the truth. Tell them that if their child had some sort of discipline, she and they would be a lot happier. I would tell them that I plan on making sure my child has boundaries and rules and consequences so that when he does something wrong, I will deal with and not just let him run amuck.

Be as polite as you feel the need to be, but be honest. Being honest is sometimes harsh, but it may be the best thing for all involved.

Answer 8

well mabey instead of telling them you could show them. set a good example by how you raise your child. when they see what a well behaved child you have mabey they will wonder. also dont forget sometimes 3 year olds can be mighty willfull. something that thank god they do grow out of. the best thing they could have done would have been to leave the restraunt. its possible too that the reason they did not do that was because you and your husband were there and they felt that it would be rude????? just dont judge someones parenting skills. children are different. mabey your son will go through the terible 2s as well...then youll eat your words. my daughter too went through it and now shes almost 4 and shes as polite as ever, not to be harsh but if i were you ild just raise my son and let my friends raise theirs.

Answer 9

If they are asking,what do you do when this happens to you? I would politely but firmly say "We don't allow that kind of behavior".If she gets insulted then that is her own problem.You are not responsible for her feelings.And then if they ask if you and your husband to go out again,I would either say,"lets just make it the four of us,and get babysitters,we deserve a night out." If that doesn't work, then just always say you have plans.That is so embarrassing to be with people who don't correct their kids.And it can't be an enjoyable evening with a little terrorist wrecking havoc.Good luck

Answer 10

Simply, "That is not happening with Little____."
Offering unsolicited opinion or advice would not be good form.
They probably either know they have a problem, or are trying to encourage independence. Be gentle with them, and hope your day doesn't come! If it's as bad as you say, they may be exasperated.
Either way, no one wants to hear that you think they are a poor parent.

Answer 11

This is a touchy issue. I think you are very right, her behavior is wrong and NOT inevitable. I don't think there is anything you can say to them unless they ask you, "what am I doing wrong with my child and what do you suggest?". Smile and nod, and don't hang out with their daughter too much. "bad company corrupts good morals." You don't want your baby picking up any bad habits.