Would you let your kid quit?

Question

My 5 yr old son just started karate. At the end of the class the sensai lets the kid that did the best punch him in the stomach. My son won and got to do this. After class was over my son wanted another punch and jokingly hit the sesai. The sensai reemed my son about respect ect.. It was painful to watch as he was repremending my son. He's a pretty intimdating man and he went at my son for long few minuets. My son held back his tears but was really upset all the way home. Now he wants to quit karate. He's embarrased and feels dumb. What he did was wrong...but should I force him to continue? Shouldn't it be fun? And, the kid is 5!!!! How would you handle this one?

Answer 1

Life is full of mistakes, but it is important that they become learning experiences instead of a reason to shut down. So, I'd consider a few questions carefully before I made a decision. Do you feel that the sensai was overly harsh in the way he spoke to your son or did he explain what he did was wrong in an appropriate way? Did your son enjoy karate in general before this experience?

If your son liked it before this happened, and you feel that the sensai was wrong, I think that you should speak to him about it directly. Tell him that you understand that your son made a mistake and that he needed to be corrected, but that you feel that he was overly harsh. He should be told that you are concerned that your son is embarassed. You ought to let him know that feel reluctant to have him continue and that you want it to be fun for him. If he is receptive to your input, (as he should be) I'd encourage your son to try another class. If the sensai doesn't share your concern about your son's feelings then I'd take him out of that studio.

Your son may be better off taking classes with a different instructor. The key is that he learns in a safe and fun enviornment. Karate can be a great way to learn about respect, discipline and self confidence. I participated in a karate class as a kid and really enjoyed it. But, I had a wonderful sensai and my parents were involved. It is important that your son knows that every time life gets difficult there are choices and that quitting isn't usually the right answer. Also, that his opinion counts and that his family cares.

Answer 2

Karate is just as much about self discipline as it is about learning how to fight / defend oneself!

Keep your son in the class for at least a few more sessions. If the sensai's reeming was a 1 time reaction, you shouldn't have more problems, and your son most likely learned a valuable lesson about self discipline and respect for authority. Believe me the embarrassment will fade. If however the sensai has a bug up his butt, and continues to make an example of your son he's not showing the respect your son deserves as a student. Then either pull him out until he's a little older, or sign him up with a different dojo - a fresh start.

Answer 3

When reading this, my first reaction was to tell you that Karate teaches strong discipline values. What your son did was wrong and he needs to learn to follow the rules, along with that, comes the pain and humiliation if he doesn't. However, I had to stop myself. You seriously need to find another Karate instructor. Karate is suppose to be fun as well as educational. What type of instructor allows such behavior in the first place. Karate at such an early age, isn't suppose to be a competition. It's about teaching skills and building self esteem. That karate teacher may be doing that during class but at the end, he's showing the kids that if they are the best, they can walk up and hit an adult? This is insane honey, and not the way a good instructor would handle this. On top of that, the instructor didn't know how to control his own anger when repremanding a 5 yr old. I'd keep your child in Karate, however, I'd find another instructor or another class. A good way to do this, is to sit on one and see how they are with the children. If the kids are happy, the instructor is encouraging them while the kids learn, it's a good class. If there is yelling going on, repremanding or berating...run for the door. I've had four boys in Karate. Three of them with no problems what so ever. The last one, I removed after a somewhat similiar incident. The only difference was that it wasn't my child he berated in front of the whole class. I figure if he can do that with parents there watching, God only knows what goes on while the parents aren't there. Follow your heart honey. You know your little boy better than any of us.

Answer 4

The sensai might have taken a slightly lighter approach in repremanding your son but then again you have to remember karate or any martial arts is not really suppose to be "fun" per say, but it is more about discipline and respect. And though your son got repremanded if you let him quit it will just let him know that he can quit anything at anytime. However, if you make him continue and go back he will learn the respect and discipline needed to develop his training in martial arts as well as for life.

You can talk to your son and just let him know, in a loving manner, that what he did was wrong but that doesn't mean he should quit. Also, you might want to have him apologize to the sensai. That's what I would do, but the choice is yours.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

your son has to learn what is acceptable and what is not. This just one of life's many lessons. He has to learn that he cannot do something to another person if he was not asked to do it. Any martial arts instructors are to be treated with great respect and your son was showing disrespect by punching the sensai. I realize your son is very young but even at 5 he is old enough to learn respect. You probably think we are being tough with our answers and I'm sorry if it seems that way. Your son will be angry when you make him go back but if he can't face up to it he will tend to quit easily all his life. It is your responsibility as a parent to nudge him in the right direction right now. I am the mother of 4 grown and 1 teenage child so I know well from experience.

Answer 6

I took karate lessons when I was younger.I does teach you a lot about respect and responsibility.Karate is a weapon so you learn about self discipline and how not to take advantage of it.I think the sensai did the right thing in addressing the little stubborness but it's no big deal.Don't let him quit for this reason.try it a few more times and then make your decision.your son might just end up being very good at this or not but don't let him thin that if he comes across a little hurdle he can always quit.he needs to try his best and give it his all first

Answer 7

I would talk to him about it. It's a good lesson for him to understand that there are all kinds of people in this world that he will have to deal with. I know the sensai had to teach him respect because that's what karate is all about. So I would make your son finish the class and if he doesn't want to do it next year then don't make him.

Answer 8

Sounds like the sensai over-reacted. Why didn't you step in as a parent to protect him from his tirade? Sure, it is his dojo, but that is your kid. I can see why your 5 yo doesn't want to go back. To him, it is a place where the big scary man has more power than his own mom. I think you should discuss with the sensai how discipline should be handled in the future. Maybe the philosophies held by the sensai do not mesh with yours. If that is true, maybe you should consider another dojo.

Answer 9

I'd say to give it a few days before allowing him to quit. It sounds like your son was just overcome with embarrassment and hopefully guilt for what he did. Yes, it was wrong of him to do it but it doesn't make him a horrible kid. The sensai did what he should have done by scolding him...and if he scolded him harsh enough then your son will probably never do it again. Sugar coated scolding serves no purpose. I'd say to make your son take about two or three more classes, he might get over it and move on. If he doesn't, THEN I'd let him quit. But it just sounds like he needs a little bit of time to get over what happened. He'll be ok though.

Answer 10

Yes, you need to force him to continue for at least a few more classes... If you don;t you are reinforcing that it's alright to quite after making a mistake instead of persevering....

While a parents immediate reaction is to protect our children from everything, but in this case your child was wrong and the sensai corrected him, karate is a simulated combat reprimands and corrections must be swift and very meaningful because as the lessons progress the simulated combat becomes more dangerous and thus mistakes more dangerous...

After your child has faced the situation again and overcome the embarrassment of his mistake if he wishes to quit because he is not having fun or because he is no longer interested in karate it will be fine but make him face it and overcome the consequences of his wrong doing or you will lay the foundation for larger problems later.. .