Chemistry vs. Compatibility .What do you think?

Question

I met a lady on eharmony. We had amazing potential and compatibility of lifestyle,values, etc. And lots of chemistry. We were sure this was it!!!We decided to meet in person. We each drove 6 hours to meet. Neither of us were attracted to each other once we met even though we had seen each others photo on eharmony. We were extremely disappointed and called it quits. Now I am second guessing myself and wonder. Some of my friends said it is not uncommon not to feel that instant chemistry with so many expectations put on it and agreed the chemistry could grow. Did we act in haste?? We have decided to stay in touch occasionally through email but not sure she would want to revisit this. Help!! I may be losing the friend, lover and soul mate of my life. My pride keeps me from asking her to try again. What should I do. I'ver never felt this much compatibility with anyone including friends and family.

Answer 1

Chemistry is kinda like the icing on the compatibility cake. Cake's a lot better with icing than it is plain, but icing by itself is just nauseating. But you always frost the cake after it's been baked and cooled.

I think with a strong foundation of compatibility, chemistry and love can grow. But when you're looking so hard for it (like on a first meeting) it can be nerve-wracking. Give it another shot on the phone for a while, then if she's game to proceed, ask for another meeting. Keep things as low-key as possible, and see if you're thinking of her differently because of all you've learned about her personality and character.

Answer 2

Your first instinct is the right one. If the both of you didn't feel any attraction - well - sorry to say but that's what you should go with. Trust me, she isn't the only woman you'll meet who you have compatibility and chemistry. Chemistry really does have to be there in order for the relationship to have a chance. I really believe this. You WILL find someone else. Don't give up so easily on yourself! My mother always told me that when in doubt - don't! I follow this rule ALL the time because when I don't...I get screwed!! You're doubtful about the relationship, so don't even go there! Good Luck.

Answer 3

i believe that chemistry and compatibility run hand in hand in a relationship. the chemistry helps the relationship run smoothly and the compatibility helps you go in the same direction. im not really sure if you two spoke on the phone or was it just e-mail, but typing and talking are two totally different types of communicating to one another. so when you met in person, i don't think your expectations were set too high, but the whole language barrier was in place. so, the next time you talk to her via email or phone, talk about what happened. was it the physical part or the communicating part. if you two are willing to make it work then, there will be some comprimising and you can figure out what really happened. try not to be too pushy though. a woman won't totally open up to you at first, especially when she doesn't feel comfortable. but if things don't work out, don't be troubled. you did what you could by giving the relationship a chance to work out.

Answer 4

It sounds like you met a great friend and leave it at that. Friends are wonderful to have and usually last longer than most romances. Value the freindship and don't jeopardize it by trying to force the chemistry.

Chemistry is either there or its not. It you don't feel the sizzle now, do you really think you'll have it after being together 5, 10, 20 years?

Look for another woman and shoot for both compatibility and the sizzle.

Answer 5

how were you disappointed? as far as looks go? I've had a relationship where I was with the wrong person. He had nothing that I was looking for. But I wanted to try something different because everyone was saying how high my expectations were. And I had usually just based my relationships on how I felt and how the person made me feel. And didn't give enough thought about who the person really was besides emotions. And think about what I really wanted. I ended up realizing that I could only be friends with the guy because there was no chemistry as far as attraction or lifestyle. and it wasn't fair to either of us because he was starting to care about me and i didn't feel the same way. and i knew i could be so much happier with the person i was really looking for. maybe you should talk to her about it and see what she thinks. because sometimes you can second guess the situation when it is just starting out. maybe you are afraid of commitment or afraid of actually finding what you are looking for so you are trying to make a way out for yourself. But it's really not going to change until you talk to her about how you feel. Good luck!!

Answer 6

How do you know she wasn't attracted to you? Did you discuss it??? If you did (and I hope not) then it's history.

If not, remember; chemistry needs to be nutured or it disappears. Likewise, I think it can be generated. The trick is to spend time with this woman without smothering her. I've fallen for plenty of gals I never even gave a second look before I got to know them. Attraction opens the door but the personality brings me inside.

Answer 7

Maybe you should talk to her and see how she feels about it. There really may be a good reason for the way you both felt. The pressure to try and be the perfect date is enough to scare anyone away.

Answer 8

if there was no initial chemistry then there probobaly wont be any with time. You could still try again though, since everyone deserves a second chance.

Answer 9

chemistry comes and goes.. I vote compatibility

Answer 10

Ask her to try again,
if your pride keeps you from doing that, you shouldnt try it again anyway