she wants me to make jewelry for her wedding party because I rock at it. And when she asked me this I thought, "Hold up!!!! I aint in your wedding party?" I live in dallas, she in detroit I've been feeling like she's acting different. The last 3 years she's been a little slax in calling me or answering my email. when i call, she says three things the entire conversation, "For real", "oh my god", and, "teehee"!!!!! The whole phone converstion what like that, and are often that way sometimes. We have spent some amazing years together so i guess i'm out of site and out of mind.
How would you feel?
2006-09-11 15:34:40 · 12 answers · asked by toriphile4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm not feeling catty about it. I plan on saying nothing to her because it IS her wedding. I just hope she doesn't feel compelled to get me to do the jewels to pacify me.
2006-09-11 15:54:22 · update #1
I might be offended same as you, but I think I would understand her reasoning.
1. You admit that you two have drifted apart. She may have obligations to people that are her bridesmaids, i.e. siblings, cousins, her fiance's sister, etc.. There might be some people that are closer to her, or she just "had" to have them out of good manners.
2. You live 1,000+ miles apart. While you would be willing to help, think about the demands of being a maid. You have to be there for dress shopping and fittings, you have to help plan and pay for the shower and/or bachelorette party, you should be there to help her plan the entire day, you should be there to help her pick a dress, flowers, etc... There are a lot of things that might be hard on you since you live so far away. If nothing else, think of all the travel time and expense that you would incur. She may think that she is doing you a favor by not expecting you to fly to Detroit several times before the wedding.
3. She is trying to include you in a way that is special to you. How many people can say that they can make decent wedding quality jewelry? She gave you an important task to do, and it will still include you in her day. It's something that is within your area of expertise without making too many demands on you.
Take it as a complement to your skills, and be thankful for the fact that she wants you to be involved in her wedding. While it may not seem like much, think about how the jewelry will be worn and seen by everybody. It will be in all the photos. When she looks at pictures later on, she can smile and say "My friend made my jewelry."
2006-09-11 15:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I can definitely tell you how one of my friends feels because I did the same to her. WE were best friends all through high school and some of college, She thinks it only fair that I should have asked her to be a part of my wedding because she has known me the longest. The biggest problem was that both my parents and my fiancee requested I not have her as a bridesmaid because they aren't fond of her. And while I really could care less if my parents like her or not...it was my fiancee that got me. Not that your friend has the same problem....I just know that is my problem.
My friend is hurt but I told her that pretty much the last couple of years we haven't really been a part of each other lives seeing as we've only seen each other maybe 4 times int past 3 or 4 years and talked on the phone a couple times. It sounds similar to what you are describing as what is going on with you two. We just drifted apart though.
I can't really say I can relate to how you must feel, but maybe there are some certain circumstances preventing her from being able to ask you to be part of her wedding party, but she still wanted you to be involved in some way so you didn't feel left out.
I hope things work out for you though
2006-09-11 15:41:43 · answer #2 · answered by lotusofnofertiri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, hon... even the jewelry thing (although it was just for the bride, not the whole party). And it hurts like hell.
It is possible that she is having a small number of bridesmaids and has reasons that you aren't one of them... heck, the reasons may even be valid. (ie, only three bridesmaids and her sister and the groom's sister are included in that number) The bottom line is that you saw your friendship with her in one light, she sees it in another. What you have to decide now is whether you are able to set aside that pain and be part of her wedding by making jewelry (which could be your gift to her) or whether it's just too much for you.
2006-09-11 15:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a legitimate reason to be mad. However, she did ask you to be involved in her wedding by making her jewelry. That's an important role. Besides, it's expensive to be sb.'s bridesmaid. So, look at it that she saved you from spending lots of $$$. Try to be the bigger person and do what she needs you to do. Ultimately, you have a choice on what to do. Will you still be her friend or not?
2006-09-11 17:15:28 · answer #4 · answered by erinlovestv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id have mixed emotions. I would be happy because she is getting married and she is a friend. I think I would be jeolous of the girls she did ask. Behind closed doors I would be real hot headed towards her, but then again she does live in Detroit and unless you move to the same city I would probably say goodbye to the close friendship you once had.
2006-09-11 17:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by curiosity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my wife and I got married we had two sets of family and friends to "compete" for these few positions. It could easily be that your friend has had to ask a future sister-in-law, friend of the groom, or other such person to be in the wedding party. Don't take it out on her. Weddings are stressful for the bride and you shouldn't add to it. Be her friend when she needs you to be and make the jewelry. That is quite an honor in itself. But remember: it is her day not yours.
2006-09-11 15:40:01 · answer #6 · answered by ML 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. My sister-in-law was going to be a maid of honor, but then become jealous and became engaged to a man after 2 weeks, just to get inheritance (long story, very frustarting). Her only brother wasn't even a groomsman or a backup groomsman. I was asked to be an attendant.
Anyway, as awful as it feels, be glad you aren't a bridesmaid. You don't have to get a dress you don't want, buy shoes you'll never wear, and spend money on things you would never want to get yourself.
2006-09-11 17:25:19 · answer #7 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My friend who I've known for 20+ years lied to me and said her fiancee was going to use his brother as best man so she was going to go ahead and let her sister stand up for her. Well low and behold at the ceremony guess who the best man was? It was her fiancees best friend.( and the man gave the most boring azz speech I have ever heard, he kept on and on and on. People were beginning to get very bored) So I know how you feel. She just told me that so it would seem they were both going to use family members. I just let it go. Her and I aren't so close anymore. At her wedding I felt out of place and like I said I have known her since the 7th grade, a little over 22 years. So it happens.
I know people are going to think........let it go, but it is hard.
2006-09-11 16:33:02 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get where you are comming from..Lets give her the benfit of the doubt and say that she is being preasured into having others as bridesmaids or that she is using ppl close to where she is so that they can be more helpful...And maybe you should let her know a little about how you feel about all of this..
2006-09-11 15:38:23 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, like i have people that i would choose as a bridesmaid, but it is one particular person that i have to choose and that is my fiance' sister, even tho me and her arent that close, the reason i would pick her, is because she introduced me to her brother, he is a very good person, and that means that she saw something in me that was good and right to introduce me to her brother, now, even like the girl befor me said that the family may disapprove of you being the brides maid, it is stil her decision. but i think if u two are "real" friends, then it is only right that she should have came to u herself and told u what is up. i would go head and make the jewelry, dont be jealous or envy, just be happy and let it ride. say "its cool" because u never know what the case is. if my boyfriend asked me to let his sister in law to be one of the brides maid, i would say no, its my decsion. i cant tell him who to have in his groomsmen line. and he cant tell me, i can agree or disagree. but like i said, just calm down, dont be hateful toward her or anybody else, just play it cool, and if it was me, i really wouldnt have nothing else to say, i'd just be cool with her, knowing that she didnt cherish my friendship deep enough to think of me at her wedding party. and another thing are u chargin for the jewlry? if not i would charge. i would like to see your jewelry
2006-09-11 16:01:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋