I think my niece has a learning disorder but her mother won't hear me out should I butt out?

Question

I posted on here a little while ago to get song of the signs of Dyslexia. I think my niece has a learning disorder and I called my sister with some of the findings and she completely attacked me, accused me of calling her a bad mother and told me that she'll do what she wants with her child. I'm very worried about my niece, she's 10 and still in the third grade, she is really delayed in reading and in math and I feel like I am the only one screaming at the top of my lngs that something isn't right and that she needs some help but everyone seems to just blow me off. I asked my mom, I'm only 17, to maybe go up to the school and she kept saying "It' not my place" she was my last hope to help my niece and I feel so helpless, I have just finished crying from frustration. I love my niece, she is usually pushed into the cornersince her two oldest siblings have Add/Adhd and her little sister is just 2, I understand my sister has her hands full and I would never call her a bad mother, maybe I

came on too strong but if you look at my last question instead of helping my niece she and the rest of the kids, along with her husband make fun of her. I really think once we find out whats wrong everything will be better. But my sister will not listen to me. Can anyone suggest anything, should I really just butt out even if I'm the only one really trying to help her out? It doesn't sit well with me to just leave her "Stranded" by herself. Is it not my place? I'm calling out to all parents out there. Would you have this response?

Answer 1

I am sorry and although you are probably right, you have done everything you should do and leave it at that.

You brought up your concerns to your sis and that is all you can do. That is besides reading with your niece. I don't know how often you see her but when you do see her bring her a new book then sit down with her and read with her. You can read a page to her and then she can read a page to you.

American Girl comes to mind because that's what my daughter likes, she has a learning disability and enjoys the books and her doll. These are good because it can be a hobby you can share. She also likes the magic tree house books.

Answer 2

Sometimes parents are afraid to have their children labeled for they'll feel inferior, they'll worry about being investigated or having more intrusions into their private lives, and also because they really want the best for their children. A misguided worry that the child's label will bring them stigma causes some to ignore when a teacher tells them a child might need to be evaluated.

You are a very kind young man to care for your sister's child so much. Your mother is right that it's not your place though. You need to focus on your own studies and what you will do when you leave high school. Worrying about your family will hold you back. When will you be better to them: graduated with a Master's degree in something you love or worrying about them while working at a job you hate? You're seventeen and need to be thinking of what you want to do with your life.

If your sister doesn't end up being forced to seek help by the school, then perhaps your niece is clever enough to "compensate" for any possible disability. Some people do that, making major mistakes only a small percentage of the time, and hardly anyone knowing they've got a learning problem.

You really need to worry about yourself now though, okay? People with difficulties have a habit of overcoming these things and becoming quite productive in life. The extra challenges help them learn better.

It's none of my business, but maybe you should apologize to your sister, appease her. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt her feelings.

Answer 3

Well, for African American children, this is not unusual and it doesn't always mean they have a learning disability. Your niece probably don't go to a good school and she is easily distracted, and when she gets home, there is probably not a strong Parent figure in the house to advocate education.

Since you are aware that she is lagging and you seem to care, this is what you should do. First, don't suggest putting this child in Special Education, this system will fail her and she will never come up to speed. Second, become a big sister for this child, take out some daily time to help her read. Play educational games with her so that she can come up to speed. Here is one good game you can play. It's call the spell game. You give her a word, if she spells it correctly, reward her with some candy or take her to her favorite restaruant or give her $0.25 for every correct word spelled. Once she accummulate enough money, use that to take her to the movies or something. Go to Barnes and Nobles and buy her some nice fun education books and toys to help her. I became a big brother for a child and he was in a similar predicament, and now he is an A student.

Answer 4

Bless you for caring. Maybe you could arrange to spend more time with her and help her out by having her read to you. You sister may feel overwhelmed with three other kids and just doesn't want to hear that your niece may have a difficulty in learning. On the other hand, it is often the school that first notices a problem and if her teachers haven't seen any problems maybe your niece is just a slower learner.Not all students are A students and maybe she is doing her best. If you really want to put yourself out on a limb you could try to talk to her teacher but I don't think you would get very far. I'm sorry to say it but without the parent being invovled there is very little you can do. Please don't give up though, maybe there is an avenue I am missing.

Answer 5

I am the parent of a special needs child. It is very hard at first to come at peace with the possibiltiy that there maybe something wrong with your child, your own flesh and blood. Yet it is not right for ur sister and her hus to make fun of your neice if anything that could make things alot worse. As far as it being your place......think of the child, without you nobody else is willing to stand up for her and try to get her the help that she needs. I suggest that you go or even write a letter to the school stating your concerns and what symptoms you have to back up your concerns. If you write a letter i would just leave off my name and address so that it would not cause problems between u and ur sister. Just end it with a concerned peer or something on those lines. I commend u for seeing that there maybe something wrong with your neice and I say keep on going on trying to get her some help, if nothing else the school could do testing and with the results conclude on whether something is wrong and if there is reason to worry and to get doc's involved. Again plz keep on this task of trying to get help if u dont help her noone will as it seems from what u have written. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

You should keep things civil between you & your sister (I'm assuming that's a challenge at times, so do your best) just to avoid being permanently cut off from your neice. Contacting the school probably would be a violation of "boundaries" because even though you care about your neice, your sister is the parent and it is her job to deal with the school. However, as an important person in her life, you can spend as much time as possible with your neice and teach her as much as you can in that time (play learning games, puzzles, computer games, take her to the library, rent learning videos, even try bouncing a ball & spelling words at the same time...anything to keep her learning! ) Good luck!

Answer 7

I answered your question on dyslexia. I think that maybe you should some how try to talk to her teacher or call the school and talk to the principal. Better yet, if you are still in school maybe go to your counselor and voice your opinion that way and maybe he/she can do something for you. Not to be negative, but is your niece "crying out for attention" in a way she does bad at school so that she gets the attention. Lots of times, children will do anything even if its bad behavior in order to get attention. I wish you luck.

Answer 8

I'd stay out of it.. cuz your sister will only turn on you.. its too bad that her child may have a learning disability.. but your sister is probably fully aware of the whole situation.. but just ignores it as she might be hoping that this 'will go away'... but as you are aware, it won't.. so, there is really not too much you can do.... unless if these children were in your custody.

Answer 9

Too your credit, you are trying to look out for your nieces best interest but you seem to have an issue of your own... putting your wishes before your sisters. Stop trying to push your feelings on your sisters family or risk alientating yourself. Let her find out on her own.
Too many people want to stick there damn nose in everyone elses business and forget about there own. -Dr Phil

Answer 10

It's hard when you see someone you love struggling and you can't fix their problem. I don't know that you have any right to step in and help. It would be nice if you could talk to your neice's teacher, but it really isn't your place. Perhaps you could volunteer to tutor your neice, spend the extra time with her that she needs. If your sister refuses, than at least you can feel good for trying.