my brother has known tendecies to be very critical, at one point he went to my boyfriend and talked about me to him. I feel that i would invite everyone except for him, because i strongly feel that he will say something outloud or ruin the wedding or the wedding reception by being rude or talk about everybody at the reception. My sister is saying he wont do that and to have faith, and to believe in god that he wont act a fool at the wedding. i think he will do what he does best. my sister say its not right to not invite him. what u think?
2006-09-11 15:15:25 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i think if i pull him to the side and talk to him, i think he would just cop an attitude and say "i dont need to come to your damn wedding!! you two not gon last anyway!! take that on some where else!!" and i dont wanna have to cuss him out, and be upset.
2006-09-11 15:27:42 · update #1
Hi there,
I am so sorry that you even have to deal with this right now. This should be a happy time for you! The choice is ultimately yours, but consider the ramifications of your choice NOT to invite your brother. Where will that leave you at the next family get-together? The next Christmas? The next Thanksgiving? What about any children that may come later. Consider the effects it will have on other family members-- siblings, parents, etc.
This day is about you and your fiance. No one else. 'Nuff said. But it is also about family. You don't want to start your new life with your new family with new bad blood with your "old" family. That is no way to start a life at all. If you do decide to invite him, counsel all those close to you and even maybe some of the groomsmen, that if he gets out of hand, he is to be ushered to the nearest exit immediately. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. And furthermore, it should not even be brought to your attention. Let it be known, also ahead of time to your brother, that you are extending the invitation out love and peace. If he cannot come and be civil, he need not attend. Also let him know that he will be asked to leave in the event that he grows boisterous or rude.
2006-09-11 15:24:34 · answer #1 · answered by sheplansweddings 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had problems with some people before my wedding, so I purposely had the ceremony at a place that could only accomodate a small number of people. It made it somewhat easier to explain why certain people weren't invited. My husband and I wanted to share that part of the day with the people who had been with us and encouraged us, and supported us in out relationship. For lack of better wording, the people who meant the most to us, be they family or friends. Then, to avoid hurt feelings, we invited EVERYONE to the ceremony. We just told people we were being married in a private ceremony earlier that day. We played the video of the ceremony at the reception as well as had copies of our vows for people to read if they wanted. I realize this doesn't totally answer your question, but there are subtle ways to get around inviting your brother. Yes, it may be somewhat rude to not invite him; however, I strongly feel that this is YOUR day, regardless of who's toes may get stepped on along the way. If it means that much to you, you're going to have to stand up to your family for what you want. It may cause a some hurt feelings (especially with your parents who might feel like they have to choose sides), but that's really the only option I see. Good Luck and congratulations on the wedding!
2006-09-11 18:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by kiki 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not right at all. Even if he is an ***, he is your brother! You only do this once in life, Don't leave him out!
Besides if he is that big of an ***, every one else knows it too.
NO family secret there! So invite him and don't worry about it, It is your day not meet the shithead brother day! Every one has done that all ready, so no surprises!
Too much importance is placed on perfection, that is why so many people have a miserable wedding, Kind of like wedding anorexia...This is what the mags, and T,V, said my wedding should look like! But reality is very different! 33 years later, my Italian family and their antics did not change a thing !
2006-09-11 15:23:58 · answer #3 · answered by bugsie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your special day and you shouldn't have to spend it worrying about what your brother will or won't say. If you're not close enough to him to tell him how you feel, then not inviting him shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Your wedding day is all about you. Not your sister and not your brother. Do what you need to to have the best day possible.
2006-09-11 15:48:43 · answer #4 · answered by tmreiber 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might not like my answer, I would tell you that this is the day for you and your man. Now being the fool that your brother is, he wont change because people like that never do. If you feel treahted by this I would suggest not to invite him. Say a prayer and even talk to him about it. My guest is that he wont change, best of luck!
2006-09-11 15:23:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are old enought to get married then you are old enough to grow up and act mature. Take him aside and have a sincere talk with him. Tell him how you feel, what your concerns are, tell him how important your wedding is to you and you would really like him to come if he is able to be cordial and happy. Do not point the finger at him and accuse him of anything. Again, take the high road and be the adult!
2006-09-11 15:22:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I would go to him and ask him could we have an adult talk without either of us getting upset or mad, without saying things to each other we may regret oneday. I then would say that, "You are my brother and I love you very much and I would love for you to be a part of my special day so that all the family could be together, I would love having your support and love on my day. I know that you may feel that I am making a mistake, but I ask that you understand that this is the man I love and want to spend my life with, but you are my brother and it would mean so much to me to know that you are behind me instead of against me, that you'll be happy for me and if I should make a mistake that you will still be my brother, my family, my friend. I want you there, but I also don't want anyone's feelings hurt. Please be apart of this and be happy and supportive of me."
(See then how he reacts and if he acts ugly then just say you know what, I really wanted you there, but if this is going to be your attitude then I feel its best you don't come since you seem to be so against it then there's no reason for you to be there and spoil my day).
2006-09-11 16:17:26 · answer #7 · answered by sammie-john 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay what you need to do is... grab a needle and thread... then tranq your brother and proceed to sew his mouth shut. Now, follow me on this... if he were to try to say ANYTHING he would mumble and look like a jackass and everyone will think he sucks and you rule! HA! Your wedding is once again saved and no ones feelings are hurt!
And... you get awesome revenge for your brother being a dick.
2006-09-11 15:20:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it....he's your brother. That's family. If you don't include family into family related events it's like you are treating him like he's not part of your family. I understand your hesitation at wanting to invite him at fear of him doing or saying something out of line (trust me....I'm getting married next month and am FREAKING OUT about my fiancees dad meeting mine....two total opposite spectrum....and it's not looking good)....but you need to respect that he IS your brother and it very well could be hurtfull if you chose not to include him
2006-09-11 15:35:08 · answer #9 · answered by lotusofnofertiri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is YOUR day. If you think that not inviting him is best, don't invite him. You really don't want to take the chance of him ruining your wedding day.
2006-09-11 15:19:45 · answer #10 · answered by witchywoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋