Any jokes?

Question

So? Got any? Thanks, ya'll!!!

Answer 1

The Tomato Garden


An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was very hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.
Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Not for nothing, but please do not dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Vinnie

Answer 2

Three Texas surgeons were arguing about who had the greatest skill.
The first began, "Three years ago, I reattached three fingers on a
pianist. He went on to give a recital for the Queen of England."
The second replied, "That's nothing. I attended a man in a car
accident. All his arms and legs were severed from his body. Two years after I reattached them, he won three gold medals for field events in the Olympics."
The third said, "A few years back, I attended to a cowboy. He was
high on coke and alcohol when he rode his horse head-on into a freight train traveling at 100 miles per hour. All I had to work with was the horse's rear end and a cowboy hat. Now he's the President of the United States."

Answer 3

Walking the Dog

A little girl asked her Mom,

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk
around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says,

"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the
block?

I asked Mom, but she said the dog
was in heat, and to come to you.

The Dad says, "Bring Belle over here.

He takes a rag and soaks it with gasoline,
and then scrubs the dog's backside with it to
disguise the scent, and says,

OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash
and only go one time round the block.

The little girl comes home about 5 minutes later but the dog is not on the leash.

Surprised, the Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said,

"She ran out of gas about
halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Answer 4

there was a woman that delivered six babies so the father stated calling her mother of six. Mother of six do this. Mother of six do that. She didn't like him calling her that. Then a a party he said Mother of six, get me a beer. She was so embarassed because everyone heard, so she said back, I'll be right with you father of four!

Answer 5

This is a terrible joke but the only one I can think of:
The wife asks her husband if he think her boobs are big enough she states she would like to have surgery to make them bigger. He states he know what will work. Everyday you take toilet paper and rub it between your boobs and they will grow.
She says, " how do you know this will work?"
He says, "It worked for your butt didn't it!"
They are still hooking up his lifesupport .